Question

How to combat loneliness?
.The children are raised, for the most part. Two teens still live at home, but they have their own lives.The home repairs are finished, the house is clean.There are only so many things that I can bake, meaning, the freezer is full.I've never married, live in a very rural area, don't own a car and am housebound (for the most part) by disability. The arthritis (RA, OA) ... the fact that I live at the bottom of a huge hill, and that there are no sidewalks, make getting out for a walk difficult, at best.There's really nowhere in my area to meet men for dating. I have no friends or family in the area for getting together with.I do have hobbies, but lately they've proven to be less than satisfying. You don't need to point out that I am depressed. I've been down this road before, we are old friends, and I will eventually snap out of this.Please don't read this as complaining -- I've had a good life, richly blessed. It just seems that lately, something is missing. I expect some of you know exactly what it is I am feeling, and may have excellent advice in overcoming the loneliness.Thank you for your answers, and no thumbs down from me.Yahoo! suggested I put this in psychology. I've chosen your section, as I'm sure many of you understand empty-nesting, ill health, being unable to get out easily ... Thank you.@ Western Joker ... I've known one too many gigolo in my day, hence being single with kids. :)By the way, you got a thumb up for putting a smile on my face. :)@OURScott ... For me, the depression and loneliness rarely go hand-in-hand, as I don't subscribe to the "poor pitiful me" philosophy. It was the death of my son's friend two weeks ago that set this latest round into motion, so on this day, they go together.
Posted 0 sec ago in Arthritis by TazNerd

Answers

Anonymous
Ever thought about a Gigolo? I'm sure there must be some that'd be happy to travel. Search the net, give it a thought, just be careful.I'm sure you don't want any more kids to deal with.Edit: Glad you've got a sense of humour hen :)I hope you do find a good answer that suits, loneliness sucks but your humour will help a bit.
Anonymous
I have found that a good church solves all of the above. There is friendship,activities, people (men) to meet and all kinds people you can help. Besides, God will use you where ever you let him. As far as getting to and from the church there will be ways open up. Best wishes and God loves you.
Anonymous
There's this great organization for women and their sole purpose is to have fun. The Red Hat Society. Here's their website:http://www.redhatsociety.com/I suggest this to you because you need to have friends and fun! Even if you can't get out to all their functions - they are such a fun organization I think you should be a part of.Good luck.
Anonymous
I know exactly what you are talking about. I agree with Thomas from Missouri in that a good Church is the place to meet good people. I know living in a rural area and going to town is sometimes a big deal, but inorder to meet people you have to be around them. You know where a great place to meet someone is? Believe it or not, the library! I'm serious, you wouldn't believe the people I've met there. Like any other social environment you have to be careful you don't become friendly with some one who was dropped off by the short yellow bus, but all in all you can meet interesting people there. And forget about bars. That's how I met Plaintiff 2. Man, that was a nightmare. But the point is you have to get out to areas where you can socialize.
Anonymous
Am I lonely? Very much.Am I depressed about it? Not at all. In fact this is my first winter since 96 without anti-depressants and I feel great.As to my loneliness, I have the tools to cure the situation but my motivation hasn't exceeded my fear yet.Twenty years since my divorce and I'm still a little gun shy around women.EDIT - After reading Get In Lines answer I have to say that when we are emotionally lonely and hurting physically we have to be very very good to ourselves to the point of being spoiled.RScott
Anonymous
I can truly sympathize with you. I went though divorce #2 in 2007. Most/all of my friends are still 'coupled' and not left with enough free time to placate ME adequately...lol. My youngest is moving out in less than a month, so as of April 23 it will be just me and the dog and it will be the first time in my life that I've been completely alone. I'm still blessed with good health...but the motivation to capitalize on that just isn't there anymore.To be completely honest...although I too have been depressed before in my life (ironically, when I was surrounded by people)...it feels 'different' this time. It isn't a 'sadness' or a 'hopelessness'...but more like a resignation...an acceptance. I actually think I don't care enough about it to feel sad or hopeless...but in an acceptable way, if that makes any sense at all. Unfortunately, you have obstacles that I do not have to contend with (isolation and ill health), which is why I mentioned that acceptance can be such a vital tool in combating loneliness. I truly believe that there comes a time when we have to resign ourselves to our circumstances and just go with the mindset of "here is where I am right now", rather than butt heads with it. In time, you DO learn find small pleasure in things that you overlooked or neglected before, because you had other choices...enjoying a meal you cooked for YOURSELF, reading a great book, listening to music (and actually hearing it), etc. Everything is perception. A door can be a block TO the outside...or it can be protection and solace FROM it.
Anonymous
Perhaps the demise of your sons' friend, has you thinking about yourdemise as well, and that you are unable to sow whatever oats you can,while you are still vitally active. I can identify with living alone, although I live in an assisted senior living apartment. So even though I don't see any of the tenants, I do see enough staff workers who enter my apt if they need to bring me something, or take out the garbage. Needlessto say, I really am not alone for long to even get a good nap in. But I am lonely for the few friends I have in my old age, and them coming to see me, is an extreme rarity. So that leaves me with three options. I can keep the radio onto old tunes from the 50's, turn on the TV and find an informativie program or movie, or keep busy on the internetplaying here or sending private emails. I have several internet friends I keep in touch with daily or semi daily. As long as I have them as close as to my keyboard and monitor, I am happy. Even tho,many times I can't get a sound WiFi connection, and often have totry again later. I have met some of the most wonderful friends through this site and communicate with them each week. They have even sent me afew things they wanted me to have, to make my stay here more com-fortable. I've never seen them face to face, but I read their lines anddetermine what good people they are, to care about a stranger whomight not have the good health that they have, or that I live on a veryconstrained income now. I don't even have close friends, who stayin touch as often. Much less send me something to make me smile.And that's something I wonder about. I don't think you have to look any further than you are right now, tomake friends by clicking onto an avatar that accepts emails, to startgetting to know someone you may have some things in common with. I too can't get out. And would rely on the kindness of an oldfriend, to take me out to dinner or lunch. But no one makes the sug-gestion. Perhaps, they worry that I may need some assistance if Ileave by wheelchair, and they would have to push me, due to weakness I'm battling at the present time. All I know, is that I am verygreatful to have the internet friends I have in my life. For it helps mydays seem a bit brighter and hopeful. And long for the return of better health in the days and weeks ahead. I've learned what a won-derful world of caring strangers who can soon become your friend inyour hours of need. And I intend to hold onto each and every lastone of them, for as long as I can. For a divine power has brought them into my life, for a reason, and more than a season, and maybefor the remaining days of my life.
Anonymous
A possibility is to make friends on various chat sites,then,eventually,you can have a face-to-face with the web cam if your happy to do so
Anonymous
Lonliness is the only affliction that is cured when you put two people so afflicted together.
Anonymous
Volunteer to help others.Many volunteer things can be done right in your own home, such as crisis hot line.
Anonymous
Stay active, go to the mall, the library, a local seniors center. I always take a long walk every night by the river, and I've met allot of people there that do the same thing. I go into Homedepot allot, and now know everyone in there on a first name basis, and they all talk to me.I also stay in touch with old friends, and probably receive and get 20-30 emails everyday.
Anonymous
I just moved in with my dad after being gone for 40 years. It is very lonely though. He has Alzheimer's and it's like having nobody there. I do have a few friends who I can call and talk to for a while. I don't know any of the neighbors who have all changed since I was here last. We go to the Senior Center every so often and meet with a couple, who we met there, for lunch. There isn't much socializing going on with me as I have to be here 24-7 with my dad. I am not complaining because I love my dad, but as you say it is lonely. Thanks for letting me answer this without judgment.
Anonymous
Depression isn't a matter of choosing a philosophy. It's an illness from imbalanced brain chemistry. Start a journal. Learn the difference between it and a diary, and go to it. Add to it as it strikes you. You've led a rich life full of major decisions. That richness is valuable to your psyche.Find whether your library has mobile service, or decide on something you'd like to know more about and go online to your library. Send you son with your utility bill proving your address, to the library asking assistance for locating that area of interest. You can most likely renew online, for books you'd like to keep longer than the average two weeks. Have your son return them. They will trigger more interests.I can't give you the author, but I love this saying: We are each a universe unto ourselves.
Anonymous
Read a good book - works every time.
Anonymous
If you don't hae a car how do you get groceries? Or go to the Dr? Or go to church? You need to be able to get out sometimes to go somewhere. !!!Maybe the teens have the car? Make 'em take you out on the town. If you can be on the computer you can chat. Delphi is a free place with forms and chats and a lot of them have older ppl on them who are also house bound. The internet is a wonderful thing to those who can't get out.
Anonymous
I am someone who has faced, and still does, the turmoil that go along with facing an empty nest. When my daughter first went to college I became the cupcake queen. Martha Stewart had nothing on me. The things with cupcakes....you got to share them. I met neighbors I had never met before as I offered my token of friendship. I started painting. It was something I had always wanted to do but never had the time. Things that I put on the back burner were suddenly ready to move from there... and slowly that part of myself began to emerge. I wont lie to you. There are days that I still wonder about my role and if I am doing what I am suppose to do at this point in life. I think its all part of the process. I think its great that you have written about it here. I find putting it in words mends something in the soul, if not today, eventually. I wrote an article about empty nest depression. If you have time check it out and let me know you stopped by.Empty Nest Depression Over Graduation and College Bound Child:My Difficult Experience with Empty Nest Depression and What Finally Made Me See the Light!http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6235300/empty_nest_depression_over_graduation.html?cat=25


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