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Humor

Steam Heat

Posted November 19, 2009 1:56 AM

An young office messenger boy who wears glasses with lenses as thick as bottle glass is talking to a new employee. "You know," he says, "everybody says the boss's secretary is the most beautiful young woman in the company. Unfortunately, I've never been able to get a really good look at her. "Why don't you just go to her office?" the new man asks. "I Read more...

See also: boss, employee, glasses, secretary, steam

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Humor

No Crystal Ball

Posted November 19, 2009 1:56 AM

"Now, my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die," says a man to his friend. "Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too." "Wow, that's incredible. How did he know all of that?" asks the friend. "The judge told him." Read more...

See also: capital punishment, death penalty, fortune telling, judge

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Humor

In-Depth Lesson

Posted November 19, 2009 1:45 AM

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th Grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Michael?" "Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she Read more...

See also: garter, school, teacher, underwear

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Stress Reduction

Procrastination: Not Now, Not Later, Not Ever

Posted November 18, 2009 9:23 AM

You know you should, you say you want to, but still you don't. So you creatively circumvent what you need to accomplish by focusing on all those little things that add up to a full, but unproductive day. What is it you are avoiding? Preparing your taxes, dealing with credit card debt, calling a business associate, writing a presentation? Many of us spend so much energy putting off those Read more...
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Real Estate

Is My Money Safe After Foreclosure?

Posted November 18, 2009 3:14 AM

Q: Dear Bankruptcy Adviser, If I own two homes and I let one of my mortgages go into foreclosure, can the bank levy my account for the delinquent debt? If so, should I file for bankruptcy on one residence instead of allowing the bank to foreclose? -- Tammy A: Dear Tammy, You have two issues you need to address. First, will the lender sue you after the house is sold? Second, can the lender Read more...

See also: bankruptcy, dept, foreclosure, lender

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Humor

The Age of Her Body

Posted November 18, 2009 2:25 AM

A woman visits her doctor for an annual physical. At the checkup, the doctor tells the woman that she has the breasts of a 20-year-old. The woman is very happy and runs home to tell her husband. When she gets home, she finds him on the couch with no shirt on and drinking a beer. She says to him, "The doctor told me that I have the breasts of a 20-year-old!" Her husband exclaims, Read more...

See also: 20 year-old, ass, body parts, breasts, doctor

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Humor

Overly Critical

Posted November 18, 2009 2:25 AM

A church needs a new pastor, and after a long and careful search, the elders hire a woman -- but only over the protests of one vocal male member. After the new pastor has been there for a few weeks, one of the elders decides to try to smooth things over between the protester and the pastor, and offers to take them both out for a day of fishing. They accept the invitation. On the appointed Read more...

See also: elders, fishing, fishing trip, pastor

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Humor

Cutting Costs

Posted November 18, 2009 2:25 AM

A Lawyer is driving in his limousine when he sees two men eating grass. He tells the driver to stop and then he gets out and asks one of the men why he is eating grass. The man replies that they can't afford food so they have to eat grass. The Lawyer tells the men to get in the limousine. Inside the limo, the two men thank the lawyer and he replies "No problem, the grass in Read more...

See also: cutting grass, grass, lawyer, poverty

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Humor

Dine and Dash

Posted November 17, 2009 3:25 AM

A distinguished-looking gentleman eats a fine meal at an expensive restaurant, tops it off with some Napoleon brandy, then summons the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asks pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here. Then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?" "I'm very sorry, sir," begins the contrite Read more...

See also: brandy, expensive restaurant, headwaiter, repast

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Humor

The Provider

Posted November 17, 2009 3:25 AM

A young woman brings her fiancée home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man, so the father invites the fiancée into his study for a drink. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what Read more...

See also: god, marriage, provider, study, torah

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Humor

Drunken Eyes

Posted November 17, 2009 3:17 AM

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works, even the urinal's are Read more...

See also: bar, drunk, gold, saxophone, urinal

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Cosmetic Surgery

Surgery Will Regrow Breasts

Posted November 16, 2009 7:39 PM

A surgical technique that could help cancer victims who had mastectomies regrow their breasts will soon undergo testing by Australian scientists. If the three-year trial of the experimental stem-cell technique, called Neopec, is a success, women could form a new breast in four to six months, the Herald Sun of Melbourne reported yesterday. The surgery could take the place of breast Read more...

See also: breast cancer, breast enlargement, breast reconstruction, cosmetic surgery, mastectomy, regrow breasts

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Hair

Hair Care on a Budget

Posted November 16, 2009 7:36 PM

NEW YORK -- These days, saving a little money here and there is all the rage. Even small changes -- carpooling to work or making coffee at home -- can really add up. But when it comes to cutting back on hair care, many people might be hesitant to make significant changes for fear that it could impact their looks and the health of their hair. That's where a dermatologist can help. Speaking Read more...

See also: affordable, budget, cost, hair, hair care, hair coloring, hair cut, salon

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Cosmetic Surgery

Now There's an App for People Interested in Plastic Surgery

Posted November 16, 2009 7:29 PM

OMAHA, Neb. -- An intuitive new iPhone application, developed by facial plastic surgeon Dr. Steven Denenberg, allows you to view hundreds of before-and-after photos, turn your iPhone around to take your own photos, and with the touch of a button, email them to the doctor with your questions -- like a free online consultation -- all while sipping your latte. "The iPhone app is the next Read more...

See also: application, before-and-after photos, cosmetic surgery, iPhone, preview

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Beauty

Work Daring Fall Colors into Your Beauty Routine

Posted November 16, 2009 7:24 PM

When Debi Jewell shops for makeup, she sticks to tried-and-true favorites: brown, beige and earthy tones on her face and lips. The Dunedin, Fla., resident has been using the same colors for decades. And although she's eager to try a new look, the thought of experimenting with new colors makes her nervous. Earth tones "have always worked for me," said the 40-year-old mother of Read more...

See also: cosmetics, fall colors, makeup, new look, purple, tones

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Aging Well

Head to Toe: What To Expect When You're Aging

Posted November 16, 2009 7:21 PM

NEW YORK -- Everyone expects their bodies to change as they get older. From wrinkles and sagging skin to brittle bones and aches and pains, the aging process is inevitable. In addition, there are a number of medical dermatologic conditions that surface with age that can cause people even more stress. Fortunately, dermatologists can help diagnose and treat these conditions no matter when they Read more...

See also: acne, aging, aging skin, dermatology, Hair Loss, leg veins, rosacea, skin care

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Friendship

Study: Internet Use Leads to More Diverse Networks

Posted November 16, 2009 7:09 PM

NEW YORK -- A new study confirms what your 130 Facebook friends and scores of Twitter followers may have already told you: The Internet and mobile phones are not linked to social isolation. Online activities such as e-mail, blogging and frequenting Internet hangouts can even lead to larger and more diverse social networks. That's according to a new study by the Pew Internet and American Read more...

See also: facebook, friendship, Internet, online friends, social networking

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Dating

In Dating Jungle, Cougar Relationships All About Fun

Posted November 16, 2009 7:08 PM

NEW YORK -- Darin Riggio has a thing for older women -- he dated his first "cougar" when he was a 19-year-old college student. She was 43. Since then, the 24-year-old who lives in Boca Raton, Fla., has dated women old enough to be his mom. "Women my age don't know what they want," said Riggio, ticking off his list of why older women are better. "Two, they are Read more...

See also: commitment, cougar relationships, dating, marriage, older women, younger men

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Pets

Brush Up on Your Pet IQ Before Holidays Arrive

Posted November 16, 2009 6:53 PM

DENVER -- Gone are the green days of summer, replaced by the changing leaves of autumn -- a reminder that it's the perfect time to refresh your pet IQ before any holiday-related dangers come to haunt you! Most savvy pet owners know the usual pet-safety tips about poisonous items in the home, like poinsettias and chocolate. But, as many veterinarians can tell you, that is just the beginning. Read more...

See also: christmas, gifts, holiday, pet safety, pets, presents

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Love & Romance

Love and Jealousy Linked by Hormone

Posted November 16, 2009 6:52 PM

The oxytocin hormone, known as the "love hormone," also affects antisocial behaviors, such as envy and gloating, Israeli researchers found. Researchers at the University of Haifa said oxytocin, which affects behaviors such as trust, empathy and generosity, also affects opposite behaviors, such as jealousy and gloating. "Subsequent to these findings, we assume that the Read more...

See also: hormone, jealousy, love, love hormone, oxytocin hormone

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