All Humor Articles

A three-year-old boy goes with his father to see a new litter of kittens. Upon returning home, he breathlessly tells his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know that?" his mother asks. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replies. "I think it's printed on the bottom." Read more...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources manager asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full Read more...

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then Read more...

An young office messenger boy who wears glasses with lenses as thick as bottle glass is talking to a new employee. "You know," he says, "everybody says the boss's secretary is the most beautiful young woman in the company. Unfortunately, I've never been able to get a really good look at her. "Why don't you just go to her office?" the new man asks. "I Read more...

"Now, my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die," says a man to his friend. "Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too." "Wow, that's incredible. How did he know all of that?" asks the friend. "The judge told him." Read more...

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th Grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Michael?" "Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she Read more...

A woman visits her doctor for an annual physical. At the checkup, the doctor tells the woman that she has the breasts of a 20-year-old. The woman is very happy and runs home to tell her husband. When she gets home, she finds him on the couch with no shirt on and drinking a beer. She says to him, "The doctor told me that I have the breasts of a 20-year-old!" Her husband exclaims, Read more...

A church needs a new pastor, and after a long and careful search, the elders hire a woman -- but only over the protests of one vocal male member. After the new pastor has been there for a few weeks, one of the elders decides to try to smooth things over between the protester and the pastor, and offers to take them both out for a day of fishing. They accept the invitation. On the appointed Read more...

A Lawyer is driving in his limousine when he sees two men eating grass. He tells the driver to stop and then he gets out and asks one of the men why he is eating grass. The man replies that they can't afford food so they have to eat grass. The Lawyer tells the men to get in the limousine. Inside the limo, the two men thank the lawyer and he replies "No problem, the grass in Read more...

A distinguished-looking gentleman eats a fine meal at an expensive restaurant, tops it off with some Napoleon brandy, then summons the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asks pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here. Then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?" "I'm very sorry, sir," begins the contrite Read more...

A young woman brings her fiancée home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man, so the father invites the fiancée into his study for a drink. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what Read more...

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works, even the urinal's are Read more...

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform sexually. His doctor tries a few things, but nothing works. Finally the doctor tells him, "This is all in your mind," and refers him to a psychiatrist. The man goes to the shrink, but after a few visits, the psychiatrist confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." He then Read more...

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little 7-year-old Johnny standing in the foyer of the church, looking at the large plaque that hung there. After the young man had stood there for some time, the pastor walked up beside him and said quietly, "Good morning, son." "Good morning, Pastor," replied the youngster, not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Can I ask you, sir, Read more...

A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it." The duck says, "Okay," and leaves. The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves. Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, Read more...

A ThirdAger goes to a psychiatrist in tears. "What's the problem?" the doctor asks. "It's my husband!" the woman wails. "He thinks he is a chicken!" "How long has this been going on?" the doctor asks. "About a year," the woman replies. "A year?" says the doctor. "Why did you wait so long to come see Read more...

A little boy returns home from his first day at school and asks his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" The woman, who believes in all the most modern educational theories, gives him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she has finished, the little lad produces an enrollment form that he had brought home from school. "All right," he Read more...

A blonde who walked into a store and says to the clerk, "Can I buy this tv?" The clerk says, "We don't allow blondes in the store." So the blonde walks home and puts a wig on and goes back to the store. "Can I buy this tv?" and the clerk says, "We don't allow blondes in the store!" So she goes back home and gets a total makeover and goes to the Read more...

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my Read more...

A noted sex therapist is giving a talk, and during the course of it he tells his audience that people often lie about the frequency of their sexual activity. He says, however, that he has a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex: He uses the size of the person's smile as an indicator. To prove his theory, he goes row by row, asking each person to smile. He guesses the frequency of Read more...