Oral Sex

Men's sexual fantasies and dreams often contain elements of oral sex. This has been true for so long that it's even covered in the Kama Sutra and earlier texts like the Kama Shastra.

There's something mysterious and forbidden about oral sex, yet it's desirability cannot be denied. The control and surrender, the visual aspects for the couple, and the vulnerable nature of an act that has had a history of shame surrounding it are powerful motivators.

Oral sex can often be a source of struggle for couples when one partner wants it and the other does not want to give it or get it. However, when both partners really enjoy giving and receiving oral sex, it's an erotic and arousing addition to lovemaking.

Remember, confidence, not technique, is the ultimate sensual driver. Confidence is built by knowing you are doing something that turns you on and that you want to be doing. It's nice to know techniques, but wanting to explore, have fun and pleasure your partner are the most important parts of this intimate journey.

That being said, let's talk techniques! First, understand that by focusing on giving the kind of touch that feels even better to you (the giver) than you might imagine it feels to the receiver, you'll always win the attention of your lover.

Start by using your fingers to softly and tenderly brush the hair near and around -- but not on -- his "jewels" (the ancient Chinese liked to call the genitals of both men and women by symbolic names). Gently tease, pull and even nibble bits of the hair. You might try blowing your warm breath over the area. Move slowly but deliberately.

As you tease and excite him, place light kisses on his inner thighs, below his navel, and then zero in on the base of his penis. Work your way up to the head. At that point, wet your lips and, as gently as you can, take him into your mouth.

It's always very yummy to begin with a "soft-on." As you feel him growing you can create a little more suction with your mouth. Put attention on the feedback loop that is created between you, your sensation and his sensation, back and forth. Pay attention to this because if you are new to this it will help you enjoy the experience more.

Notice the sensations in your upper palate, givers. How does your mouth feel? Is it soft and wet? I believe that there's an energetic, and possibly physical, connection between the upper palate and the G-spot in women. If you really focus on how good this feels to your mouth, your partner is going to have a great time!

There are as many variations on how to give oral sex as there are people to give it. Focus more on fun, exploration and variety. Don't move too fast or make too many different moves in a short period of time. Use your hands at the same time you're using your mouth. You can add a variety of strokes like pulling down on his shaft while pulling up with your mouth, or cup and gently pull his scrotum as you pleasure him with your mouth.

The giver controls the outcome of the experience. More often than not, givers think that they are really good when they take their lovers over the top quickly. You are doing your lover and yourself an injustice if you do this. Don't try to control the situation like that. Along with quick self-pleasuring, this is the way men get trained to go over the top too quickly. Train them to last a long time by "peaking" them, having them relax between peaks, and then repeating. Your man will quickly learn to last longer while you're both having fun!

For more information about Suzie Heumann and her work, visit www.tantra.com. To really get the most out of your loving, consider some advanced training. The Tantric Sex Guide is your 24 hour a day guide to the skills that will take you to new heights of pleasure and intimacy.