Sex in Menopause: Grin? Or Just Bear It?

Pre-emptive Protection
Leslie Ann, a petite 55-year-old massage therapist with two marriages behind her, identified with the problem of physical changes that Craemer had described.

"My younger Latin lover came back into my life after a long, dry period without sex. I was so tight! But I pretended I was a virgin again."

Hilarity broke out. It was fun to hear a woman put a grin on the common dread of bearing up under painful, postmenopausal sex. But it's not a laughing matter when making love becomes so painful that the partners can't pretend anymore, and ultimately split up. Leslie Ann admitted that her "re-virgination" didn't stop her younger lover from finding someone else and leaving her.

The truth is, almost all women after menopause will have changes in the vagina from loss of estrogen.

The lining of the vagina -- pink, plump and juicy tissue when it is estrogenized -- grows thinner. Once this tissue is maybe only one cell thick, it often tears when the penis enters. A woman may not be aware of these microscopic tears.

"There's this sandpaper-like feeling when he enters me," say women often describing the sensation. Or they feel stinging upon entry of the penis. Or after they have sex, thinking they were lubricated because there is still a watery moistness, they feel stinging when they urinate. That means there has been a tear. Those microscopic tears build up and then easily invite bacteria and infection. It's a vicious cycle.

Also, the vaginal tissue stops lubricating the way it did before menopause.