Sex in Menopause: Grin? Or Just Bear It?

Dr. Monica Peacocke, a scientist and vaginal specialist in New York, describes the difference between "good lubrication" and "bad lubrication." The good kind is the thick and gliding mucus that flows during sexual arousal in women who still have normal estrogen levels or are using hormone replacement. The "bad lubrication" is thin and watery due to the decreased estrogen after menopause, and while it may feel like normal moistness, it does not smooth the channel for the penis.

A whole cottage industry of specialists has sprung up to help rehabilitate this most intimate part of the female anatomy. The good news is, this vicious cycle can be avoided if a woman knows what to expect.

"Pre-emptive action is called for if a woman plans to go on having sex," says Dr. Patricia Allen, a wise and witty New York gynecologist who often counsels menopausal women about sexual health, "because once we get to the Sahara desert of the vagina, it can take months to get the vaginal tissue back to pink, healthy and uninfected, and to re-establish the right PH balance. And," she smiles, "make the desert bloom again."

The old-fashioned remedy is a vaginal cream, like Premarin cream or Estrace, which contains estradiol. When Craemer did finally get herself to a new gynecologist, (albeit after the barn door had closed on her romance with Mr. Well-Endowed), she agreed to try Estrace. "That made all the difference in the world," she said. "I wouldn't say my sex drive is what it was before, but I feel it has a more appropriate place in my life at this stage. Instead of feeling desperate to be touched and have sex, now it's just a wonderful outcome of intimacy."

The real secret is that the biggest sex organ is between the ears. Craemer was in denial that she had reached the stage of menopause. Once she let go of the desperate need to prove her perpetual youthfulness and made the passage, she found herself able to enjoy a sexual partner who was more than 10 years older. "He takes care of me before he takes care of himself," she confides. "I don't have to see him every night. It's better, because now I have time for my work and to go dancing!"