When to Get Relationship Help

By Rinatta Paries

Although friendships are essential to our well-being and happiness, friends aren't always the best source of impartial advice when it comes to relationships. Friends and family often care too deeply to give impartial advice or to listen in a way that can help us figure out what we need to do.

I suggest you seek a relationship professional such as therapistor a coach as the outsider to help you through your relationshipstumbling blocks. When it comes to solving relationship problems, changing behaviors, or learning new ways of being single or in a relationship, professional help is simply essential. Yet most people still resist getting that professional support, as if getting help somehow means admitting they are inadequate or not smart enough to figure it out themselves.You need to get help from a relationship professional if:

• You are single and can't seem to end up in a good relationship
• You are dating but can't seem to make your relationship work right
• You are in a long-term relationship that keeps leaving you frustrated (or worse)

If, for example, you needed help figuring out the law, taxes or real estate, you wouldn't hesitate to find a professional. Inmany ways, healthy relationship behaviors that will lead to fulfilling relationships are as unknown to us as taxes, realestate and law. We are not educated on how to have good healthyrelationships. There aren't classes on relationships that everyone is required to take in order to graduate from high school or college. There are no relationship theory and practice books as required reading during our formal education.

So when your relationship gets into trouble, as it almost enviably will, how are you supposed to resolve that trouble yourself if you simply don't know much about good relationships? Your problem-solving skills are only as good as the accurate information you have, and if your information is missing or wrong, you will come up with the wrong answers -- more relationship choices that will leave you feeling unloved and unhappy.

Yes, widely available relationship books and classes are a great introduction and continued education on how to have a healthy relationship. But the value of getting professional relationship support goes much further than information.

A good relationship therapist or a coach will see behaviors,patterns, beliefs and choices you live and make, of which youare not aware and that lead you to relationships you don't want to be in. A good therapist or coach will lead you to figure these out for yourself and learn workable, healthy alternatives to ultimately give you what you want: true love.

Perhaps if the word "therapy" did not have such a stigma attachedto it, more people would get relationship support. Perhaps ifcoaching weren't called "coaching" more people would get support from a relationship coach. Let's call both of these "relationshipeducation," with the professionals being called relationshipeducators.

A word of caution: Just like any other professional, not alltherapists and coaches are a good fit for you or your relationship education needs. Be sure to extensively interview professionals, and try them out to see if they can do the kind of work you want and need to do. The good news is that now most health insurance covers therapy, and coaching -- although expensive -- can often be effective quite rapidly.

I am suggesting that if you truly want to have a lifelong, happy, healthy relationship, you need to get educated by a professional relationship educator -- frequently and well. Then supplement personal education with other material such as books, classes and seminars.

Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. For more information about Coach Rinatta Paries and the myriad of services she has created for singles, visit her Web site, WhatItTakes.com.

- - - - -

Cupid had his chance! Now take matters into your own hands. Join our new ThirdAge Personals brought to you by Yahoo! Personals.