by Mary Calvagna
A diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS) can present profoundchallenges to a relationship. After a companion's diagnosis,a partner may experience his or her own grieving process and mayeven feel guilty about his or her own good health.
Communication is a key component in dealing with the addedstress MS may create in a relationship. Openly discussingtheir feelings and thoughts can help couples avoid frustration andalleviate some of the strain they may be experiencing.
A person with MS will experience fatigue, from general tirednessto extreme exhaustion. Fatigue may be triggered by physicalexertion and improve with rest, or it may take the form of aconstant and persistent tiredness. This has an effect onday-to-day life.
Activities that once seemed simplelike grocery shopping,vacuuming, or walking the dogmay now seem overwhelming. Ifpossible, hiring some temporary help may be the answer. Ifnot, reallocation of chores and using time wisely will help reducethe stress and enable couples to work together.
Another difficulty a couple may encounter is a decrease incommonly shared activities. As the severity of symptomsincrease, couples may have a hard time finding things they can dotogether. Because of fatigue and muscle pain, more rigorousactivities, like bike riding or hiking, may be too difficult.It is important to not stop shared activities thoughtry taking awalk or reading a book together.
Attempting to continue normal activities as best as possible is important. Yet realizing and coming to terms with the changes MS brings will help both partners accept the situation. It is important to always keep in mind that MS need not be the focus of a relationship, but just one aspect of it.
Sex Life
Many couples will encounter sexual adjustment problems. Men may experience impotence, and women may have problems with vaginal lubrication. A doctor can help. If possible, the couple should talk to the doctor together, which will help both partners feel more comfortable. Many of the problems can be treated with medications or other remedies such ascorticosteroids, vaginal gels, and electrostimulation.
Changing Roles
Prior to the onset of MS, couples saw each other in numerousrolesfriend, lover, confidant. An important step in keepinga relationship strong is accepting how these roles may change withthe introduction of MS. A partner who was once independentand outgoing may become reclusive and even depressed after a MSdiagnosis. Recognizing how this may affect a relationship,determining the potential weaknesses it may cause, and developingappropriate responses will help strengthen therelationship.
Dealing with each situation as it arises will help the couplefrom feeling too overwhelmed. Set reasonable goals and haverealistic expectations. Life with MS will be different, butopen communication can help. Both partners will need to bepatient, supportive, and understanding. In addition, supportgroups and counseling may help MS patients and their families findways to cope with the changes MS may bring.
RESOURCES:
Multiple Sclerosis Association of America
http://www.msaa.com
Multiple Sclerosis International Federation
http://www.msif.org/language_choice.html
National Multiple Sclerosis Society
http://www.nationalmssociety.org
Last reviewed July 2007 by Ryan Estvez, MD, PhD, MPH
Please be aware that this information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
