How many times in your past has a well-meaning friend or family member told you that they know the perfect man for you? Or that youd be ideally-suited for a certain career? Or this outfit would look fabulous on youwhy dont you wear more short skirts?? Despite these well-meaning folks, you may have thought, They dont have a clue as to what they are talking about!! In your mind, in your heart, the he, the career, or the short skirts just dont, well, suit youit doesnt feel right to you and that is a good enough reason to just say it, The truth isI dont want to do that.
If I have learned anything in my fifties, its this: This is the decade of finding and owning your voice and letting the world hear it. I decided to do just that when this year I wrote my memoir, Owing Patricia: A Story of Breaking Free.
Here is an explanation of the 3 kinds of truth in womens lives: Past, Present, and Future, and how you can use each aspect to unleash your power and create a future that is uniquely right for you, beginning today.
1) Show Me A Woman with A Past(Im Every Woman)
Your past truth was often determined by what others saw in you as you developedwhen we are children, family and society often gives us definitions about who we are, should, and could be. Some of this information imparted is right on target and resonates with us even at an early agesuch as when as children we demonstrate a particular passion or aptitude for sports or learning and we enjoy that pursuit and encouraged by others to do so. On the other hand, past truths such as religious and moral beliefs were handed down to most of us but probably not questioned by us in youth to see if they were a good fit. Maybe when you were age 10, you believed that it was best for a man and a woman to be married forever. Maybe now, if you are in your fifties or beyond, having been divorced (like me), you see male-female relationships with more realistic vision and understanding.
Consciously determine what past beliefs serve you today and which are a holdover from the past from other peoples beliefs and not truly your truth in the present. Make a pact with yourself to not let the past solely define who you are today.2) Theres no Time Like The Present(Unless You Are Running Late)Present truth is grounded in the nitty-gritty, ever-surprising day-to-day reality of responsibilites and the challenges and benefits that come with whats on your plate right now. Present truth is about not living in denial about anything that is facing you. Its about having a plan and then being able to veer from it when there is fork in the road or the flat tire or the option of something better you never even dreamed of. Its knowing when to call for assistance, admitting you are vulnerable and need help to get through something. Its allowing yourself to feel the truth of what brings you joy and what makes you want to cry your eyes out. Its the reality check of you are right now where you need to be if you just pay attention to what is showing up.What do I mean by what is showing up? Well, lets say you are running late due to whatever circumstances caused you to fall behind schedule. For exampleDid you really want to have lunch with the friend who consistently whines and bemoans on and on about her troubles? Is that really why you left the house without giving yourself enough time to get to the restaurant? The question in present truth is always, What is Really Going on Here? What do I need to admit, proclaim, own about my life right now?? Yes, sometimes the truth hurts. Its not easy to say no to people who drain you. They will want to hurt you back (whether they do or not)thats the truth. It doesnt mean you have to tolerate people just because you are afraid of hurting their feelings.
Your time is preciousspend it in the present with people who energize, enliven, and inspire you.3) The Future Is Yours for The Taking.(Pack lightly.)There is a great anonymous quote that I keep posted on my desk, which says Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, my friend, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.When you think about making a brand new end for yourself and a future that is happy and authentically you, be mindful about what you are packing to bring with youmost people dread it when they have to literally pack up and move because we all have too much stuff to schlep from place to place, whether it be emotional or physical baggage. It will be easiest to create the futures we want if we are carrying a light load.What people and things should be left behind as you move forward? Drop the thoughts about what couldve been and never will be, make peace with the past, and in the present, put one step ahead each day towards what is truly meaningful for your future. If you dont know what you want one month from now, one year from now, 5 years from now, then write out your future life plan. Share it with trusted friends. A commitment of writing down your goals has been proven to help you accomplish them. Post it where you can see it. Pack gratitude every day for the things that are good and bless what appears to be a struggleyou have no idea where it might take you, to exactly the place you need to be.
Do your best to eliminate all of the worst-case scenario what-ifs that run through your head. What if I lose my job? What if I cant get a job? What if I NEVER have sex again?? (Ive certainly thought that before!) What if I get incurable cancer?What if my husband leaves me? As we have these fear-based thoughts, we can quickly spiral out of control and carry heavy baggage from one moment to the next. Pretty soon, if we are not careful, its hours, days, weeks, and years that we are living under a black cloud of negativity. I know, I have been there myself more than I like to admit. To prevent these what-if scenarios from happening to us, we sometimes mistakenly think that we alone have to handle these problems or challenges with no help from the universe or the people in it. It is then that we often force, coerce, and manipulate things to make everything APPEAR okay. Part of creating a healthy future is surrendering to the fact that we are not fully in control. It is our job to do the best we can with the circumstances at hand. When you believe, even in the most challenging situations, that good things will come into your life, doors open and grace comes through for a bright future.---Be sure to check out "Owning Patricia: A Story of Breaking Free"About the Author:Patricia Bonelli is a retired veteran law enforcement professional. Her life experience has taught her first hand what separates survivors from casualties of human struggles. Her experiences are varied and balanced. Patricia has exceptional intuitive energy and insight which she candidly shares as source to motivate and inspire others.
