I didn’t mean to buy Kris Jenner’s book, “All Things Kardashian.” After all, I work hard for my money, which is not thrown at me by people who want endorsements for their products.
I was already down on myself for being in a bookstore handling paper bound into hard covers instead of downloading reading material onto a Kindle. Who reads actual books anymore?
Luckily, I had learned from Kourtney Kardashian on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” how to deal with negative thoughts, so I hit the side of my head twice with my fist and said, “Cancel. Cancel.” (By the way, I have only watched “Keeping Up” in reruns, I swear. Or as the Kardashians say, “Bible.”)
Then I saw Kris Jenner’s perfectly reconstructed and airbrushed face on the cover of her new book, eponymously named as are all her products. I hated her dress, her tiny figure, and earrings, but loved her make-up, neck, and haircut. The book contained photos from the old days before Kris and her brood were famous; they looked like normal people, except for having OJ Simpson in some of their pictures.
Don’t hate me, but I bought the book, contributing to what some think is an evil empire. It’s only a reality show, folks – not the decline of Western civilization, as “The New York Times” recently pointed out. I remember when it was predicted that the Beatles were bringing about the decline of Western civilization because of their long hair and John Lennon’s comment that they were more popular than Jesus.
Why all the drama? Because the lifestyles of the rich and famous encourage those who are neither to spend money they don’t have? Isn’t that the core of capitalism?
Because they have no talent? Are you kidding? They have a talent for making money. The Kardashian family made more than $65 million last year off our fascination with them.
Because what happens in their lives is scripted? I don’t think Kourtney’s baby coming out of her body was faked. Anyway, Americans love fake stuff. Hence the success of Disney World and TV wrestling.
Here’s what’s in Kris’s book:
-She grew up a California girl. Her dad kind of disappeared, then resurfaced, but was killed in a terrible car accident. Her mother’s second husband was a wonderful stepdad (after he got sober) and both her parents were very entrepreneurial. Kris grew up working in her grandmother’s candle store in La Jolla; her mother eventually opened a candle store as well as a children’s store and has worked her entire life. Kris worked in her mother’s store for four months -- even after she was married to Bruce Jenner and wealthy – to keep it open while her mom was fighting cancer. She has bona fide retail and managing experience.
-By the time she met Robert Kardashian at the Del Mar racecourse at age 18, she was already in a relationship with a man 12 years her senior. After she met Kardashian, she became a flight attendant with American Airlines, meeting up with him and his somewhat famous friends (like OJ) and partying on her layovers while living with other flight attendants. Eventually she committed to Kardashian and he led her to being a born-again Christian; she quit being a flight attendant and had her first baby, Kourtney.
-They had a fabulous, loving family, lived in Beverly Hills, she became best friends with Nicole Simpson, OJ’s girlfriend and then wife, and had lots of barbecues.
-Then Kris ruined it all at age 30 by failing to appreciate what she had and fell in lust with a 22-year-old, which her husband discovered, and they got a divorce. Sadness for a while during the usual divorce craziness.
-She meets Bruce Jenner and falls in love and they get married. Bruce makes a friend of Robert Kardashian and they all help raise Kris and Robert’s children. Bruce’s four children seem to be in the picture, too, but eventually we lose track of them until they resurface at Kim’s wedding on E! and Bruce apologizes to them for being closer to Kris’s brood than to his own kids.
-Nicole Simpson is murdered and Kris is one of the last people to speak with her. She feels OJ did it and can’t believe that her ex is representing him. Bad times sitting on opposite sides of the room at the trial. Kris does seem to have an inside track on what was going on during that time. After all, Robert was OJ’s best friend and she was Nicole’s. Kind of fascinating, although it’s all over now.
- Kris has her last two children, her stepdad dies, Robert dies, devastating her first four kids, she moves from one fabulous home to another, and opens her first store, Smooch, which sells children’s clothing, with Kourtney as her partner. “We worked there every day for three years,” from 2004 to 2007,” Kris writes. Then Kim, Khloe and Kourtney open a store, Dash, next door.
-The casting director for a reality show Bruce was on, “I’m A Celebrity – Get Me Out of Here!,” thinks Kris should have a reality show about her crazy life with her kids and Bruce. Kris does a spontaneous pitch to Ryan Seacrest at E! based along the lines of the Osbourne family reality show. Her idea is immediately and filming begins 30 days later. Millions of people watch it, making the Kardashians one of the biggest brands in television and marketing history. Deal with it.
Judy Kirkwood watched Kim’s wedding, but was not compelled to go out and marry an NBA player.
Why do you think Kim Kardashian did it? Let us know!
