Anti-Aging Advice: 99 Steps to 100 by Walter M. Bortz, M.D.

When I was eight or nine years old, my Grandpa Bortz said to me, "Make yourself necessary." I have no recall of what prompted this advice nor why I happened to remember it, but 55 years later, this small counsel from him has emerged as life shaping.

My dear friend George Sheehan was less modest. His advice was "Make yourself indispensable." George and Grandpa bid each of us to reach deep inside ourselves to find some element that someone or something else needs. Ben E. King sang, "Stand by Me." We all need someone to stand by us.

Use your Age
When you are necessary, indispensable, useful--each morning means something. This doesn't happen automatically. My unhappy wager is that many of us get up in the morning and go to bed at night without being necessary at all. If this is the case, why live?

Being necessary does not mean having an elite role in life. Being older--with the added gifts of experience to offer--makes it easier to be necessary. Examples of people becoming necessary and remaining so into late life are many. Most are quiet little stories that tell of individuals adopting an orphan overseas, leading a singalong at a nursing home, mentoring a troubled kid, volunteering in a hospice unit, being a pen pal to someone less fortunate--the opportunities are endless.

Matter to Someone
Being necessary can be as simple as having a pet or doing volunteer work or writing a letter to the editor or picking up litter or enriching the life of your great-grandchild by reading to him or her or teaching someone how to knit or helping with the dishes or campaigning for your favorite candidate. When we stop mattering in this world, our continued consumption of resources becomes senseless. And I'm not talking about making money--but simply having a fruitful role in the world to play, being sure you show up when your cue is given.

Being necessary has clear survival advantages. Medical journals are full of evidence that show when a spouse or close partner dies, the endurability of the remaining partner is jeopardized. Married people live longer because marriage implies interdependent relationships. Each is necessary for the other. When this contract is broken and necessity seems at risk, then death lurks.

Bottom line:
Being necessary, indispensable, or useful means keeping the energy level up. You can't disengage and be necessary at the same time. You must take risks and remain resourceful. Being necessary means being in sync with the times, being relevant. You can't aspire to be necessary if what you have to offer has no value. Being necessary implies continued growth and synchronicity with the world around you.

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