Finding Happiness in Caregiving

By Sherri Snelling

When it comes to caring for a loved one, happiness may not be the first emotion that you would associate with a life role that many find overwhelming, frustrating, exhausting and time-consuming. Yet, as I researched more about happiness, it was apparent that many of the activities associated with caregiving are actually the principles that experts say will make us happier in our lives.

Following are five principles identified by Dr. Ian K. Smith in his book, “Happy – Simple Steps to Get the Most Out of Life.” I have taken his principles and added my own to help you create the maximum happiness along your caregiving journey.

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Be Kind to Yourself According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, 75 percent of caregivers feel they had no choice to become a caregiver – the need was there and they were the one to fill the role. Even if you felt you had no choice, you have volunteered for one of life’s most important roles – caring for a loved one. This is one of the kindest, nicest gifts you can give another person. You are paying it forward for your own care later in life.

Be kind to yourself just like you are kind and caring to your loved one. Take the time to write yourself a thank-you letter for the gifts you offer the person you're caring for – the patience, the time, the love you are providing. Take this letter out and read it on days when you feel down or as if you cannot go on.

Deepen Your Personal Relationships Carve out time to strengthen your other relationships. Researchers at Harvard University and the University of California at San Diego found is that our friendships actually can improve our happiness quotient. Their study showed that happiness is like a virus that spreads through social networks – your friends’ happiness and even their friends’ happiness can affect (or infect) you. The happiness of a first degree contact friend increases your happiness by 15 percent! So increase your happiness factor – carve out time to grab a coffee or go on a walk with a happy friend and feel your spirit uplifted.

Develop a Spiritual Life When we search for deeper meanings in life, believe in a higher power or just understand your and other’s limitations, we are on the path to more happiness. Numerous studies have shown that our spirituality increases as we age. Forgiving your loved one for their behaviors – whether it is their crankiness, their obstinacy or their constant needs - is hard for caregivers. Your loved one is probably afraid and even in pain, and that often changes our personalities. For your own sake, find an expert that can give you techniques on how to cope so you can maintain your happiness level.

Be Mindful about Your Money Matters A National Alliance for Caregiving study showed that one-half of all caregivers spend 10 percent of their annual salary on care-related costs. To give yourself a stress-free sense of security, you need to look after yourself as well. Talk to your financial planner or accountant about your caregiving responsibilities and especially about what you are spending out of your own pocket so they can help you save your nest egg. It may be that some of these costs can be covered under Medicare or Medicaid or you may even be able to qualify for tax credits.

Be Hopeful The Mayo Clinic did a study tracking participants over a 30-year period and found that the optimists had a 19 percent higher chance of living longer and that they suffered less from depression. One of the characteristics of an optimist is the power of their smile – remember how good you feel when someone smiles at you? You inevitably smile back and for a few seconds all seems right with the world. Even though you may be blue or having one of those days – try smiling. Charles Schultz, cartoonist and creator of the Peanuts comic strip said “Happiness is a warm puppy and a side of French fries.” I am smiling as I write this (because I agree with him) and I hope you are smiling as you read it. Caregiving can be many things and maybe it can even make you happier.

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About the Author

Sherri Snelling, CEO and founder of the Caregiving Club, is a nationally recognized expert on America’s 65 million family caregivers with special emphasis on how to help caregivers balance self care while caring for a loved one. She is the former chairman of the National Alliance for Caregiving and is writing a book about celebrities who have been caregivers that will be published in late 2012 by Balboa Press, a division of Hay House.