When I began caring for my elderly parents (both with early Alzheimer's, not properly diagnosed), I was shocked to read that family caregivers are often more depressed than those they care for. (And caregivers with a chronic illness have a 63 percent higher death rate than their peers of the same age.) A year into my caregiving duties, without a day off from my "challenging" elderly father--I was surprised the statistic was that low!
Depression often occurs when a caregiver becomes overwhelmed trying to manage too many responsibilities. Emotions fluctuate from sadness, loss, grief, isolation, anxiety, exhaustion, anger and frustration--and the resulting guilt for having those feelings. Caregivers tend to sacrifice their own careers, neglect healthy family members, ignore their own physical and emotional needs, and postpone their own medical checkups resulting in undiagnosed and sometimes serious ailments.
Oftentimes family members don't even consider themselves "caregivers." Some think if they just toughen-up, they will be able to cope with the heart-wrenching situation. Since most caregivers have always been able to manage stressful situations and solve problems in the past, the perceived failure damages self-esteem and compounds depression.
Additionally, caregivers of loved ones suffering with dementia are twice as likely to suffer depression than those providing care for non-dementia patients--and the deeper the dementia, the deeper the depression is likely to be. Since 5.2 million people in the United States are afflicted with Alzheimer's alone, and 7 out of 10 are cared for at home by family and friends who provide 75 to 80 percent of their care--millions of caregivers are suffering from depression or are at great risk of developing it.
Next: Overwelmed with responsibility
Overwhelmed with ResponsibilityDepression often occurs when a caregiver becomes overwhelmed trying to manage too many responsibilities. Emotions fluctuate from sadness, loss, grief, isolation, anxiety, exhaustion, anger and frustration--and the resulting guilt for having those feelings. Caregivers tend to sacrifice their own careers, neglect healthy family members, ignore their own physical and emotional needs, and postpone their own medical checkups resulting in undiagnosed and sometimes serious ailments.
Oftentimes family members don't even consider themselves "caregivers." Some think if they just toughen-up, they will be able to cope with the heart-wrenching situation. Since most caregivers have always been able to manage stressful situations and solve problems in the past, the perceived failure damages self-esteem and compounds depression.
But who wouldn't be depressed when day-after-day a devoted family caregiver:
Watches a loved one suffering and declining.Worries about money and finances.Spends hours and days at doctor appointments and hospitals.Thinks about life and death issues and fears that the end is near.Hates the world and everyone in it for what has befallen their loved one.Wonders how long their caregiving will last and if they will have a normal life again.Feels ashamed for not having enough patience, persistence and strength.Next: Don't go it aloneDon't Go It AloneOftimes friends and relatives want to support you, but don't know how. Start by making a list of the willing and a list of chores, and ask friends and family to choose the tasks they feel most comfortable with. If hands-on caregiving is too stressful, there's always cleaning, organizing, fixing things around the house, organizing the pantry, attic and garage, taking the car in for service and having the tires rotated, grocery shopping, cooking, gardening, having clothes mended, taking the patient out for a ride or to get her hair done, or simply taking you out to lunch.Adult Day CareEnrolling an elderly loved one in Adult Day Care ca provide several hours of respite for you, and is often a very positive experience for the patient. The elder's day is filled with social interaction and activities lead by healthcare professionals. It may take a few weeks for the senior to get comfortable, but generally, they'll enjoy singing, dancing, cooking, games, crafts, bingo, movies, current events, lectures, and exercise. By outsourcing caregiving for a few hours, you get time to recharge, which will make it easier to cope when your loved one returns home. (An added bonus, the day's worth of activities often tires patients, helping them to sleep through the night).
Rather than feeling guilty for taking the time to care for yourself, think of it as part of the responsibility of a caregiver. Without time to yourself, you are more at risk of reaching a breaking point. That's especially true if dementia has brought out the worst in your loved one. Perfectly sweet individuals can become nasty, hurling insults and accusations, or even getting physical, hitting, biting, or spitting. Without a chance to decompress, any caregiver can become depressed or enraged. Either way, they need help.Support Group a MustThe realization that the once-vibrant, intelligent, sweet loved one has morphed into an emply shell, can cause profound feelings of sadness and loss. By joining others in support groups, caregivers can exchange coping strategies and learn creative solutions to shared problems, for instance, how to develop the emotional tools to deflect a loved one's hurtfulstatements, or how to use distraction and redirection instead of arging with logic or reason. Sharing experiences with an understanging group can help lessen the likelihood or severity of depression. To find a support group, check with your local Adult Day Care Center. Next: Warning signs of depressionWhile the stigma of depression is lessening, according to a National MentalHealth Association survey, many depressed individuals avoid seeking treatment out of shame or embarrasment. If you are a caregiver don't suffer in silence waiting for theday when you will snap out of it. Witnessing the decline of a loved one is one of the hardest experiences of life. By caring for yourself with regular exercise, a healthy diet, positive self-talk, and engaging outside help so you can take breaks, your liklihood of developing depression is greatly reduced. If, however, you begin showing signs of depression, consult a health care professional promptly.Signs of Depression
Feeling tired and listless most of the time.Change in eating habits resulting in unwanted weight gain or loss.Change in sleep patterns, too much or not enough.Loss of interest in people and activities that used to be pleasurable.Becoming easily agitated, anxious, angered, frustrated, overwhelmed.Feeling that nothing is ever good enough.Persistent "what's the use" thinking.Thoughts of death or suicide. Ongoing physical symptoms--such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain, that don't respond to treatment.ThirdAge Expert Voice Jacqueline Marcell is the author of Elder Rage, and the host of the radio show, Coping with Caregiving.
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