By Jacqueline Marcell
Caring for a chronically ill loved one can be one of life's greatest challenges. During the holidays, when even more responsibilities are added to an already stressful schedule, caregivers can often feel guilty and frustrated for not being able to accomplish all the tasks they once could. Additionally, fond memories of past holidays, when the loved one was still healthy, can create a downward spiral with feelings of loss and sadness.
More than 50 million people, one in every five Americans, are helping loved ones who can no longer help themselves. But when caring for another, caregivers often neglect their own well-being, oftentimes not even seeing themselves as caregivers, but simply as someone doing what any loving family member would do. And even though they do so much, they often feel that they are not doing enough, or that what they are doing could be done better. I lived this heartache when I cared for my elderly parents for several years. Both had numerous health problems, as well as the beginning of Alzheimer's disease. How I wish I'd known then how to cope with the stress, tears and sorrow, and how to manage the additional strain of each holiday season. If I had only known to take these steps, I could have managed everything so much better and continued to get enjoyment from a time of year that I had always loved.
Nurture YourselfYou can't be an effective caregiver if you are so stressed that you get sick, too. As hard as it is to find the time and motivation, realize that it's imperative that you take good care of yourself. Eat healthy: Set limits on high-fat and processed foods, caffeine and sugar-laden treats that can increase fatigue. Exercise often: Take a walk, stretch, lift weights, do isometrics. Get proper sleep: Take naps when necessary. Meditate: Practice deep breathing and visualization. Attend a support group regularly: Solutions will present themselves. Get respite care for your loved one: The break will help you. Do things you enjoy: Read, play music, work on hobbies or crafts, go to movies, etc. Use a hand sanitizer: Viral and bacterial infections can be reduced. Treat depression: If chronically depressed, find a therapist, and ask your doctor to consider prescribing an anti-depressant. Get yearly physicals and all appropriate tests: This includes a mammogram, prostate cancer screening, colonoscopy, etc. OrganizePace yourself, being careful not to take on more than you can manage. Make lists of things that must be done, and secondary lists of things you would like to accomplish if possible. Be sure to set strict limits with yourself and others of what you can and what you cannot do.
Ask for HelpDon't wait for friends and family to ask what kind of help you need. Instead, make a list and ask everyone to pick the tasks they feel comfortable with. In addition to the long list of caregiving chores, add: cleaning the house/garage/pantry, taking the car in for service/tire rotation, gardening, shopping, etc. Also include holiday tasks such as: Sending holiday cards Writing a holiday letter Decorating/taking down decorations Buying/sending gifts Grocery shopping Baking Cooking meals for the freezer Planning social events Sending thank-you notesAccept InvitationsBe aware that having fun, laughing, and focusing on subjects other than caregiving and ill health will help keep you in emotional balance. Even if you don't feel like going out at the moment, having activities to look forward to will help you feel less isolated and deprived of a normal life. If your loved one cannot attend with you, arrange for their care with family, friends or through a caregiving agency. (You may want to consider enrolling your loved one in Adult Day Care, which is often the very best thing for them, as well as for you.) Having a break for several hours a day will help recharge your batteries.Reach for HelpNumerous resources are available to help caregivers. You might consider hiring a Geriatric Care Manager, who can personally guide you through the complicated maze of eldercare. Also, faith-based organizations oftentimes offer support to family caregivers.
Family Caregiver Support Program: (800) 422-3263 Meals on Wheels: (703) 548-5558 Eldercare Locator: (800) 677-1116 Alzheimer's Association: (800) 272-3900 National Family Caregivers Association: (800) 896-3650 National Adult Day Services Association: (212) 494-0755 Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving: (229) 928-1234 Shift Your PerspectiveResolve to stay in the present and guard against focusing on the decline of your loved one and the sorrow ahead. Imagine yourself in their position, needing a caregiver to do things for you all of the time. Now ask yourself what you'd want for your loved ones who would be taking care of you? Would you want them to be continuously sad, depressed, burdened, isolated and not living up to their potential or following their dreams -- because of you? Of course not.Realize that your happiness is really what your loved one would want most for you (even if it doesn't seem like it), and that you do him or her and honor by living a balanced and fulfilled life, which includes enjoying the holidays.Former first lady Rosalynn Carter says, "There are only four kinds of people in the world: Those who have been caregivers; those who currently are caregivers; those who will be caregivers; and those who will need caregivers." Realize that what you are doing is hard, though not unique, that there is help, and someday, someone may be caring for you -- so be sure to plan for good karma!
Jacqueline Marcell is an author, radio host, national speaker and advocate for eldercare awareness and reform. Her best-selling book, Elder Rage, or Take My Father ... Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents (Impressive Press, 2001), a Book-of-the-Month Club selection, is being considered for a feature film. Endorsed by Hugh Downs, Regis Philbin, Dr. Dean Edell, Johns Hopkins Memory Clinic, Duke University Center for Aging, and the National Adult Day Services Association, which honored her with its Media Award. She also received "Advocate of the Year" from the National Association of Women Business Owners at their Remarkable Women Awards. Jacqueline is also a recent breast cancer survivor, advocating for caregivers to closely monitor their own health. She also hosts a radio program, "Coping With Caregiving," heard worldwide on www.wsradio.com/copingwithcaregiving. For more information, see www.ElderRage.com.
Source: Health & Wellness
