Relationship Advice

A Different Look at Attachment

I believe that I've shared with you the fact that aside from being a psychologist in private practice, I also serve on the faculty of a local University in the undergraduate Psychology Department. In this role, one of the things I pride myself in is the ability to explain to a student a concept that she may find difficult in a way that is understandable. Admittedly, it gives me great personal satisfaction when I see the student's face change from a blank stare to one of acknowledgment. More…

Another Relationship Lesson - Money Matters

As I told you in last week's posting, I recently went to an annual conference, SmartMarriages. Through several days, there were a multitude of workshops on a diverse number of subjects having to do with relationships from all different aspects. Since so many couples argue about money, I decided to devote this week's blog to this concern. There were a lot of very interesting points brought out that I would like to pass on to you. Hopefully, this information will help your relationship. What does money mean to you? More…

Imperfect Perfection in Your Relationships

The other day I was doing a special teaching assignment at one of our local High Schools. I decided to speak to the students about relationships in order to better educate them about what to expect in a long-term commitment. My presentation certainly wasn't the romanticized version that is so often depicted in our movies and novels. But I also know it was a more realistic view that would better equip them to have a good foundation. I truly believe that if more couples knew what to expect in marriage, there would be far less divorce. The points More…

How Are Your Relationships Going?

Sometimes, life seems so complicated especially when it involves your relationships with other people. How should you act? What should you say? Should you continue to do what you've been doing? Is what you've been doing or saying the best way to go about what you're hoping to accomplish? If someone means something to you, you certainly want things to go as smoothly as possible. At times, the individual you are dealing with may not have personal emotional significance but it's still important how your interactions go because (s)he is your boss, important to your significant other, or will somehow impact those for whom you care. Are you spinning your wheels? Yes, personal interactions are delicate. So, how do you figure it out? More…

Different Kinds of Love

Somewhere along the way, you have most likely learned that Eskimos have many different names for snow. In our society, how often you may hear the words, "I love you." Of course, no doubt you realize that there are different kinds of love: the love between a parent and child, the love exchanged between two friends, and certainly those words are used in relationship to your partner. But even when discussing the relationship between two people, there are different kinds of love. And perhaps if you're not aware of this, you can easily be disappointed and feel that the relationship you have is missing something. A recent article I read spoke about the fact that a couple can, in fact, have romantic love that lasts a lifetime. Love in all shapes and sizes More…

Relationship Red Flags

If you have been a reader of my posts, then you know that I often tell you that good relationships are quite rewarding -- but in order to have one, you have to work at it. Today, I want to address some of the ways to know if the person you're meeting will even make a good candidate with whom to have a relationship. I've also cautioned you, as the reader, that a person is unlikely to change once they're in a partnership. Who you see is who you are going to get. And for sure, you don't have the right to expect to change the person. Why you get in trouble But there are indicators to help you make a decision -- yes, those "red flags." More…

Kama Sutra – The Tsetse Fly

It's been discovered that if you can stop the genital rubbing of the female tsetse fly then you can slow down the reproduction rate. Duh. (This is important because the tsetse fly carries sleeping sickness in Africa.) Science Daily reports that: "By snipping off parts of male genitalia and reducing genital sensation in both male and female tsetse flies, researchers induced a suite of changes in female reproduction, including reduced ovulation and reduced sperm storage. This is wonderful news, though I don't know how scientists will stop the genital rubbing. How are they going to go around snipping off parts of the male's genitals? More…

Springtime all the Time

Of all the seasons, Springtime is my favorite.  I just delight as I watch the buds on the trees and the flowers start to bloom.  I’m always amazed at the consistency each year of the beauty in the world around me that re-awakens; I can count on this phenomenon after the dreariness of the last few months, given where I reside.   It truly rejuvenates me and also serves as a reminder to me that the opportunity to start anew also exists in your relationships with others or within yourself.  What’s more, unlike nature, you do not have to wait for a certain time of year for this to happen. It’s all about you More…

Relationship Mechanic

It’s so interesting to me that many times, as people, we do things that really make no sense.  In the past, I’ve spoken about how you’re willing to spend lots and lots of time checking out which jeans to buy or which computer will really suit you.  But you don’t spend nearly the same amount of energy exploring if you should speak to a professional about your own personal psychological health or that of your relationship. Here’s another analogy that boggles the mind (at least mine):  Some of you pamper your autos by washing it and cleaning it out.  Most of you will make sure that you take your car for regular maintenance check-ups.  Or, at the very least, you are diligent that your car runs smoothly be changing the oil.   More…

Lessons for Each Gender – Part 2

In last week’s post, I discussed the fact that I’m always learning from the couples with whom I work.  What is ever so clear is that teaching couples a basic understanding of one another and educating them about skills is of the utmost importance.  So many partners are feeling disappointed or disconnected from one another but don’t have a road map of how to reconnect. In Part 1, I spoke about women needing to be aware (or needing to remember) that men process information differently.  They tend to do so slower.  Therefore, a woman may get frustrated or feel like a man is non-responsive when, in fact, he’s still taking the information in. And now for the men More…