healthy relationships

Increasing Emotional Connections in Your Relationship – Part 3

  Years ago, there was a very famous study done by Harlowe & Harlowe with rhesus monkeys. They created surrogate mothers by forming the shape of a monkey with wire. Some of the “mothers” were rigged up to give the baby monkeys food; the others had cloth on them but did not offer food. During times of anxiety, the baby monkeys sought contact comfort by going to the cloth “mothers” rather than those who offered food. This famous study has long been referenced to indicate the need for attachment and comfort in relationships. Relationships, clearly, are so important. Good relationships are not only satisfying but necessary both for our physical and psychological health. Monkey see, monkey do. More…

Increasing Emotional Connections in Your Relationship - Part 2

  In last week’s blog, I spoke about the tool of validation as being an important one to help your partner feel understood. I explained that it wasn’t necessary for you to actually experience the situation or circumstances as your mate did in order to validate how he or she felt. By being able to use this tool, it would allow your mate to feel as if he or she matters. Today, I want to go further and talk about how to actually increase empathy. First understand that empathy is different than sympathy. In the latter, you are merely feeling sorry for someone. But when you are empathic, it is as if you have stepped into the other person’s shoes and you are able to understand how they are feeling. A missing ingredient More…

Increasing Emotional Connections in Your Relationship - Part 1

  Probably the biggest reason to be in a relationship is to feel connected. This is especially apparent in times of need -- in times when you want to be understood, to be heard. And, when your partner is not able to do this, it’s quite disappointing and frustrating, not to mention isolating. So, for the next three posts, I’d like to offer some insights and suggestions to assist you in helping to connect with each other. In today’s blog, there’s a tool I teach my couples called validation. Though at first it seems a bit difficult to grasp, using it really makes quite a difference. More…