Shortest Celeb Marriages Ever

--By Liz Smith

“Men are irrelevant,” said author Fay Weldon. Perhaps not all women agree with Ms. Weldon, but one certainly seems to. I do mean reality TV creature Kim Kardashian, who has dispensed with her husband, Kris Humphries, after 72 days of wedded bliss. Why drag it out? She got $17 million off the wedding. Just the other day we were chortling over Miss Kardashian’s lament that a “lack of privacy” was causing a wee bit of strain on her shiny new wedlock. Damn that lack of privacy. And she has tried so hard to be unobtrusive. Now it’s over.

Some of you might think filing for divorce after only 72 days is a shockingly brief amount of time to make such a decision. But Kim is not the winner in the short celebrity marriage sweepstakes. Not by a long shot. Here are some statistics:

Britney Spears And Jason Allen Alexander Fifty-five hours.

Michelle Phillips And Dennis Hopper Eight days.

Cher And Gregg Allman Nine days.

Carmen Electra And Dennis Rodman Nine days.

Catherine Oxenberg And Robert Evans Twelve days.

Mario Lopez And Ali Landry Two weeks.

Eddie Murphy And Tracey Edmonds Two weeks.

Drew Barrymore And Jeremy Thomas Twenty-nine days.

Historical Case #1: Zsa Zsa Gabor And Felipe De Alba One day.

Historical Case #2: Ernest Borgnine And Ethel Merman Thirty-eight days. (In her autobiography, Ethel devoted one page to Ernie--one blank page.)

Historical Case #3: Elizabeth Taylor And Nicky Hilton Elizabeth Taylor’s first marriage was her shortest—nine months with Nicky Hilton, even though he was beating her up all the while.

One More Marriage--And A Final Word And the quickest cut of all—in the 1920’s, Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker—6 full hours. (The silent screen sheik’s PR people had to work overtime, trying to explain to a much more innocent public why Rudy, or Miss Acker were so, ah, dissatisfied.)

Of course, none of the above marriages netted the bride millions upon millions of dollars in profits on the “sale” of a reality show “marriage” itself. Nor does it seem any of the marriages were entered into with such brazen cynicism. Drug-addled minds, sex-infatuation and loneliness could be cited. But not sheer, money-grubbing publicity. No, not even Zsa Zsa.

P.S. When last seen, Miss Kardashian was boarding a plane to Australia. That’s a long flight—more than 18 hours. Plenty of time to meet a hot Aussie, date, make a sex-tape, get engaged, married and split up.

Liz Smith, writer of the legendary gossip column at "The New York Daily News," now has a daily column on www.wowowow.com , in "Daily Variety" and in syndication.