Most women who have done some online dating know that you should avoid anyone who’s been married too many times, or sounds like a racist or a political fanatic. But what about the subtler indicators? The guy you’re thinking about contacting may seem like Mr. Perfect on his profile page, but how do you know he’s as good as he seems? Here are some surefire signs that he’s not worth it:
He describes himself as handsome and lists all his accomplishments. Even if the guy is a ringer for Jon Hamm and in his work life claims he’s at the top of his game, avoid any man who so lavishly loves himself. He may be a narcissist. What’s that? Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition where the person has an inflated sense of their own importance. These individuals care only about themselves and think the world revolves around them. It’s complicated because behind this ultra-confident mask is usually a person with a fragile sense of self-esteem, someone extremely vulnerable to criticism. Bad news in a boyfriend. Pass on him!
Checks off too many times “I’ll Tell You Later.” While almost everyone chooses to hold back certain information on their online profile page, a person who checks off “I’ll Tell You Later” on more than three items may have something to hide, or a life that needs too much explaining.
He indicates “no preference” in too many categories of what he’s looking for in a mate. It’s legit if a guy says he doesn’t care what religion a woman is, or if she’s blond or brunette, but a guy who is open to anyone and anything -- big, tall, cats or dogs, it’s okay or not if she has children, has no height or weight requirement -- that guy isn’t just unfussy. He’s desperate.
He will date only a woman with a substantial income. While there’s nothing wrong with a man stating he wants a woman who has an income of her own, someone overly hung up on her salary or financial status is sending a message he’s unwilling to pull his own weight. He could even be a gigolo or a male golddigger! And yes, they exist. Just look at Slade on the “Real Housewives of Orange County,” thrilled for Gretchen to pay the bills and be the breadwinner.
He describes his hobbies as things that sound crazy, or even reckless. A person’s special interests say a lot. While most middle aged people describe doing things like camping, going to the movies, exploring new areas, hiking, bicycling, or attending concerts, there is a certain type of individual who feels the need to list interests and activities that seem, well, foolhardy. Do you really want to sky dive, rodeo ride, or zip line? Is this guy for real or showing off?
The bottom line: Be sure to read between the lines when studying anyone’s profile page. Sometimes information people leave out is more significant than what they put in.
Eve Marx writes about sex and relationships for ThirdAge.