An Expert's 5 Best Online Dating Tips

By Eve Marx

I’m always surprised when someone single and over 40 tells me they’ve never tried online dating because they have the perception it’s “too hard,” “unnatural,” or “only losers are on there.” Recent statistics indicate the majority of single people who are actively interested in dating and pursuing relationships now find romantic partners on the internet. Social media studies show that as many as 80% of people over 40 now dating are dating someone they met online. That said, after years of studying online dating habits as a professional dating, flirting and sex expert, I’ve come to know a few things. The tips I’ve learned What may not seem on the surface to be earth-shattering, but it’s useful to know before embarking on your first – or fiftieth – online adventure. And I’m not kidding when I say first or fiftieth. When it comes to online dating, the old adage is true. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again.”

Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover The hardest thing people do when they begin to piece together their profile is what picture to post. There’s a natural instinct to choose an image that vastly flatters. If the picture is of recent vintage and genuinely reflects how you look, no problem. Just don’t post a pic that’s more than five years old, or out of focus. And never post a pic where it’s obvious another person in the frame was scissored out. Some of the nicest, most intelligent, interesting people you may ever meet on line do not have a good picture. Why? They’re camera shy. They’re not photogenic. They’re less interested in superficial things, like clothes or hairstyle. While you may initially be attracted to someone because of their picture, more important are the words they’ve written to describe themselves and what they’re looking for in a partner. If you like the words, don’t put so much emphasis on the picture. And remember, millions of people know how to use PhotoShop.

People Lie. It's Not Just Guys. Women complain men lie online. Men often say they’re single when they’re separated, not divorced. They say they make a certain salary when they’re actually not employed. They say they’re 57 when they’re 70. But the truth is that almost everyone on line lies, whether they’re men or women. Age is the biggest fibbing zone. Women do it better. Thanks to Botox, Restylane, Pilates, hair color and good genes, women often look (and feel) 10 to 12 years younger than they are. People of both genders lie about their kids. They say the kids no longer live at home when they do, or lie about the number. Many people lie about their habits. For example, someone who quit smoking yesterday will call themselves nonsmokers. Just about the only thing no one lies about is religion. If someone calls themselves a Christian or an atheist, believe them.

Half the Time, Guys Want Sex, not Love A man I met awhile ago talked to me a lot about his online relationships. He dated two or three times a week and there was a new woman every season. Some women he only went on one date with before deciding she wasn’t the one; others he dated for weeks if not months before throwing in the towel or getting dumped. His biggest complaint was that he only responded to women who said they were looking for love and commitment. “Why do they waste my time,” he said, “when all they really want is a free dinner?” Men and women often say what they are looking for is love, when what they really want is sex with a new partner. There’s no point becoming angry with someone who it turns out isn’t looking for the same thing as you. Sometimes, the truth is we don’t even know what we’re looking for until we find it. That’s what dating is for.

True Love Really Is Out There There are people online who are sexual predators, social dysfunctional, don’t want a relationship and don’t even want to meet. (They just like to text and flirt.) There are also people online who are seriously looking for love, commitment and someone to share their lives with. Meeting someone on line is not really different than meeting someone in the face-to-face world. The plus about the internet is that you can meet someone who, in your regular life, you’d never cross paths with. It takes time and patience and a lot of reading of profiles to meet someone who you’d really like to know. If you’re willing to put in the effort, the rewards are immeasurable.

About the Author

Eve Marx is the author of several books on love and sex, including "The Goddess Orgasm" and "Read My Hips: The Sexy Art of Flirtation."