An Internet Love Story

This week, in somewhat of a rarity, I'd like to share a story from a man who had never previously written to a columnist -- or anyone for that matter -- about his dating or relationships.

Mike, a 53-year-old from Santa Barbara, Calif., said, "This is from a man who has dated a lot and takes things really slowly and with caution. I was matched (by one of the major Internet dating services) with Carolyn, a 50-year-old who lives about 90 miles from my home."

Mike drove to Carolyn's city to have lunch and spend part of the day with her. The next evening, he returned to Carolyn's city. He said, "I met her again, and we spent time talking, laughing and getting to know each other. We were surprised by the same values, family backgrounds, etc., and how easy it was to be together."

The next day was Father's Day. Carolyn drove to Mike's home and met his boys. "They really took a liking to her," said Mike. "When she left, we missed each other right away."

For a slow-moving dating guy, Mike certainly changed his normal ways! Three days in a row, 90 miles apart?!"It was refreshing to meet someone who has little drama, who can laugh at herself, men in general, and the differences between men and women. This is a strong, independent woman who loves a man who treats women with respect."

Mike says he and Carolyn know how fortunate they are to have met. "The nice thing about this relationship is that it has enhanced our lives. Time flies when we are together. I never believed that a relationship like this could be so comfortable and enjoyable."

Mike added that he and Carolyn each had prepared themselves to be better mates: "We both went to therapy long before meeting to learn about ourselves and what we could do to have a good relationship. We looked deep into ourselves to work out our issues in previous relationships. We have the same philosophy of appreciating what we have and not worrying about what we don't have."

Carolyn will move, but will keep her home. They plan to marry and reside in Santa Barbara.

There are some simple-but-important lessons in Mike and Carolyn's story:

• People can meet via the Internet and have successful relationships.
• Long-distance relationships can work, but it helps when the distance is easily covered by car so that people can more often be together in each other's environment.
• Relationships are enhanced by mutual respect, similar interests and backgrounds, and laughter and appreciation for one another.
• Midlife relationships can work when the partners leave behind the drama and remain flexible. This is a sign of truly opening oneself up to a relationship.

Without the Internet, Mike would still be walking the streets of Santa Barbara, looking for love in all of the wrong places.

Tom Blake is a syndicated columnist in Southern California.