Dating Dangers: How to Protect Yourself

You're ready to date again and open your heart. But you've heard lots of horror stories about online dating, horrid first dates and even dangerous encounters. Yes, you want to find love, but play it smart with your heart.

Heed the Red Flags
In the gush of emotions, you can often get swept away in the moment and neglect subtle, but obvious, warning signs. When talking to or even e-mailing a potential partner, ask yourself, "Does what this person says ring true?" Look and listen for inconsistencies, such as differences in stories, misrepresented facts or mixed-up details. Discrepancies could be a sign that the person is lying or covering up. Granted, we all make mistakes from time to time. What you're looking for is a pattern of contradictions or facts that simply don't add up.

Another warning sign is when someone avoids answering important questions. It's true that we all want to make a great first impression and want to say the best about ourselves, but truthful answers to courteous inquiries are essential to establishing trust. It's perfectly acceptable to want honest answers to questions about marital status, age, parenting, employment and the like. If a person persistently resists answering questions or is evasive, it could be a sign that he or she is trying to hide something.

Read the Body Language
Words are only 93 percent of communication. Body language, tone and facial expressions have their sets of meaning: those that suggest honesty and attraction, and those that may imply something is amiss. When you and a potential partner do meet, be aware of body language and gestures that might suggest duplicity, such as not looking you in the eye when speaking to you and when answering those important questions. A change in vocal tone or speed could also be an indication of dishonesty. Look for the body language to be harmonious with what is being said. For example, if a person smiles, are his or her eyes smiling, too? If you become suspicious, try gently probing a little deeper. We all get nervous sometimes, and it may show in unflattering ways. What you're trying to determine is if it's merely nervousness or a pattern of deceptive behavior.

Avoid the Rush
We've all read those romantic tales of love at first sight. While some of them may be true, avoid the lothario who woos you with words of love and romance with only one objective in mind. Despite the thrills and excitement, take the time to get to know someone. Intimacy has rewards and unfortunately, risks, too. Asking questions about someone's sexual history is not out of line if you've both agreed to take the next step. As uncomfortable as it may be, remember that when you're intimate with your partner, you must take into account all of the other people with whom he or she has been intimate. It's not only smart to ask these questions, it could be a matter of life and death. This is certainly the best time to honestly look for consistency of words and actions.

When in Doubt, Check Them Out
The Internet not only opens doors to dating, it opens public records that can be very revealing. An online search can disclose a person's marital status, criminal records, property ownership and even where they were born. State and county records are good resources. Several agencies offer online searches of public data. If you're willing to pay a little money, you can subscribe to a service that will run a background check. (Westlaw is among the best at http://west.thomson.com/.) You may feel a little paranoid taking such measures, but if your intuition is telling you that things aren't adding up, you're better safe than sorry.

We're all trying to size up the person seated across from us -- and we want to think the best of everyone we meet. Being attentive and listening with your mind as well as your heart could mean the difference between lasting love and huge heartbreak.

GinaMaria Jerome is a writer, consultant and trainer. For more meeting-people tips, check out her book, The Portable Pocket People Meeter: 50 Ways to Meet, Greet, and Communicate, available through www.bookch.com. To find out more about meeting people, visit her Web site at www.thewriteparts.com.