Dating Tips For Widows

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  • When you’ve been bereaved, dating is a little different. Two things are usually at work here; one is the desire/pressure to pick up your life again, which conflicts with the very real inclination to never look at another man again. If you were in love with your husband at the time of his death, you may think you can never duplicate that kind of relationship again; and if you weren’t, it may take some convincing from those around you that you deserve another chance at having a loving relationship.

    The following are some tips and suggestions for getting into the dating head. It’s not easy to put yourself out there and tell your story to someone you just met. Hopefully these words of wisdom will make the experience easier, even pleasant.
  • Only Reveal You’re a Widow When You Feel Like It Telling someone you’re a widow is heavy. The natural response of the hearer is to say, “I’m sorry,” and then you’ll go off on a tangent, feeling you should explain what happened to your spouse. Odd are this is a sad story. Not necessarily information you need to share on a first date.
  • Make Sure the Other Person Knows You’re Interested in Life, Not Death. Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on how you see your future.
  • Talk About Things You’re Doing Now Like traveling, or that pottery class you’ve been taking. Show him you’re engaged in the here and now; don’t rehash old misery.
  • Don't Compare Your Date to Your Deceased Spouse Comparisons are, of course, inevitable, but focus on the person in front of you who is breathing.
  • Even if Your Date Happily Reminds You of Your Dead Ex, Don’t Assume They’re the Same Person. They're Not.
  • When You Do Talk About You Deceased Spouse, Recall the Happy Times The main thing people fear when they date a widow is that the person is sad or grim. And you probably are sad and sometimes grim. To successfully begin a new relationship, you have to move forward. Save your saddest moments for when you’re alone. Only after you really get to know a new person should you reveal your more melancholy moments
  • Find Out, Discreetly, if He's a Widower Too Who knows? Could be kismet if you have this big thing in common.