Discussion
4 Weeks
Posted 7/22/08 11:15 PM
4 Weeks
Welcome to The Rules Support Group.
Our 4 Weeks discussion is about not waiting indefinitely for men to sort out their lives. In a Rules relationship, a man either proposes within a year -- two years max! -- or it's, "Next!" You may have to dump him if he can't commit. If you have been dating him for more than a year and he has somehow avoided the issue, ask him his intentions. If he has no plans to marry you, say "Okay," and never see him again. If he plans to marry you someday, ask him when? If it's more than a year pull back -- stop seeing him for a few weeks. Shake things up and see how he responds. Think about dating others! Men don't necessarily propose on the couch but do so when they're afraid of losing you.
Sometimes the best way for a man to see how he feels about you is to not see you at all. A man who is wary of commitment is made less wary by a woman moving away from, not towards, commitment. If you have not done The Rules all along, getting a man to propose can be difficult.
Start reading The Rules today! Stop being the pursuer. "Do this for a week, two weeks or even a MONTH and see what happens." If he loves you, he'll beg you to come back. Sometimes distance and time can make a man realize he's made the biggest mistake of his life. He can call you! Trust the process and don't make anything happen. If he doesn't try to get you back with a proposal don't waste your time. When a man doesn't want to commit we leave him alone. The Rules mentions a week, two weeks, a few weeks or even a MONTH.
The 8 Week Wait, with three variations, is in the book Getting To I Do. Letting Go is a workbook for 12 Weeks. The Bluff in the book Closing The Deal has 3 Weeks. These and other sources agree that a woman may have to take action, set a "Wait" and if he doesn't respond with a proposal, it's over. Reference to these other sources, including our own experience is welcomed.
"Give it a few weeks then get moving yourself."
Posted 10/23/08 12:35 PM
Hello,
Hello,
How are you? I saw your profile today at http:(www.thirdage.com)and feel like contacting you.I feel we may become matches(liliankuru@yahoo.com) is my contact. Kindly make a contact if you are interested, so that i can send you my picture for you to know who iam meanwhile my name is Lilian. I will appreciate it if you give a good responds.Thanks and remain blessed.
(Remember the distance,color or age does not matter but love matters alot in life)
Posted 06/30/08 11:30 AM
4 weeks since cold feet
It's been 4 weeks since he said that he had cold feet and he didn't think that we were ready to get married.
It's been 2 weeks since I last saw him last and ended the relationship by saying "I want closure."
It's been a week since he called and left a message, "hey, I just called to see how you are doing and everything, call me back when you get the message."
I haven't called him back and I am doing OLD now.
The more time I spend away from him; not hearing his voice; not seeing his face, I feel more empowered everyday.
I guess any time period will do if you can stick to your guns.
I suppose that since we were engaged, he would have to do more than beg. Right I am moving on.
Posted 05/20/07 1:13 PM
cuaobride and 9 months
So I presume the 8 week wait is just a guide? It can take longer than 8 weeks?
I heard 90 days was a popular to come back...
Keep us updated x
Posted 05/14/07 8:23 AM
CUAOBride- I wrote you an email back!
Posted 05/14/07 7:08 AM
Hi Friend!
...just like I said...they ALWAYS come back!
So, your wait is over...I knew he would contact you again!
I am glad to see you back on the boards and would LOVE to hear the details when you are ready to share them!
Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing- GOOD JOB!
By SMDDEC
Posted 04/27/07 10:28 AM
GOOD
I'm doing well:) Thank you! He sent me an email the other day telling me that his cousin who had cancer passed away and it was his brothers' b'day (who committed suicide) and asked when we were going to talk. I couldn't be completly black hearted so I did return the email by telling him I was sorry but I saw no reason for us to talk. Didn't get an answer so I am hoping that is it. I don't understand...he has that great girlfriend now, he should be talking to her, not me! Guys...I just don't understand them. Hope you are having better luck than I am.
Posted 04/29/07 2:18 AM
smddec
Your posts are a really good example of the rules...
Will you meet him do you think?
Keep us updated
Hugs x
Posted 04/26/07 8:44 AM
SMDDEC
How are you doing?
Posted 04/22/07 7:03 AM
SMDDEC
Stay strong!
He sounds like the type of man who wants to know that all of the ladies are chasing him.
Obviously, if he really felt that you were "the one" then he wouldn't have seen Cindy; he would have gotten you something for V-Day; and he would have spent those 2-3 weeks calling to try to see you not booking dates with others.
I really admire the way you handled it.
Taylor
By SMDDEC
Posted 04/22/07 5:29 PM
Thanks!
Thanks Taylor, that means a lot, I was actually happy! I put the top down on my convertible and blasted Jodi Messina's "Bye Bye"! You are exactly right....he sent me an email (ignored by me) stating "you aint' going to talk to me ever again"?
DAMN RIGHT!!!!
By SMDDEC
Posted 04/19/07 8:50 AM
A good Lesson
Recently started seeing an ex who had broken up with a girlfriend. He told me "you are the one, etc. etc". Well first sign, we were snowed in for V-Day and I didn't see him until a few days after. I got him a bottle of wine and a card. What did I get? Nothing! Deal breaker right there and should have ended it right then and there. Then, I have horses and one of them had to be put down, she was very sick and older and I didn't see him for a 2-3 weeks. He did inquire how I was doing, etc. which was fine. He emails me at work a few days ago asking me for dinner after work towards the end of the week. I say we'll see, then during our conversation he says to me, "I wont lie, I did have dinner with Cindy once or twice while I didn't see you". Oh really??? Then he mentions that she wanted him to get tested. How obnoxious! He then expects me to see him? He then tells me that Cindy had asked him to go riding this weekend. I said, "have a great time". No angry words, no negative replies just that. I will never answer another email/phone call/etc. This is a good lesson for all, don't believe what they say, believe what they do.
Posted 04/20/07 8:06 AM
SMDDEC
Hi- I am sorry to hear about butthead, but very impressed with how you chose to handle it.
Very CUAO. Better things are in store for you!
Taylor
By SMDDEC
Posted 04/20/07 6:28 PM
:)
Thanks Taylor, he kept sending me emails and I ignored. Finally I just wrote to him: Please do not send me any more emails. I am not angry, you always had the door to leave if you wished and you chose to do so. I am grateful that you did because you showed me that you are the type of guy I would not want to spend the rest of my life with. Suddenly I get an email back this evening, saying he wants to talk...(ha!)
Posted 02/14/07 4:06 PM
MissMoxie
> him (6:15:05 PM): should we...concentrate on being friends and not have sex
him (6:15:11 PM): i know it's weird
Hi MissMoxie- I am sorry you are going through this right now. It sounds like you are in a difficult spot, but I think maybe it would help you to take a fresh look at your situation.
I think that the above excerpt tells you everything you need to know. When a man is into us, he doesn't want to be just friends, he can't STAND the thought of us being with other guys, he makes his intentions clear with his actions.
I only recently learned the difference. I hung in there wayyyyy too long with a guy in a going nowhere relationship.
I think you are in one of those now. You have only seen this man 3 times in the past year. Let him go. If he wants to step up to the plate, HE WILL. If he doesn't, then you will have lost nothing and saved yourself a LOT of time.
As far as your availability- I wouldn't be available at all. You asked his intentions after more than a year, and he did not give you any indication he wants to be exclusive, let alone marry you one day. There is no reason to have any further conversation at this point.
If you do, you will prolong your agony (which is what I did for several months longer than I should have).
Hang in there and come back and post with us.
Taylor
Posted 02/14/07 10:52 AM
Miss Moxie
A guy once told me he would walk 50 miles in the snow just to have sex. So I wouldn't take him coming to see you as evidence that he is in love with you.
The intentions talk only works when you know exactly what you want and you are ready to walk away. You must do it face to face. You have to be confident. You must know you are a Dreamgirl and that this guy is crazy if he doesn't see that.
Honestly, by reading your post it doesn't sound like you are doing The Rules at all. You sound very insecure about yourself. I recommend that you stop lurking around online making yourself available just in case he has nothing better to do and wants to talk to you. You need to date other right now. This guy doesn't sound like he cares for you very much and you deserve to be with a man who is crazy about you and wants to be with you every moment of the day.
You should read TR again and start thinking about what you really want from life. Make a list of all the qualities you want in a man and a relationship. Start there. Read bootcamp. Read the Lili files. Become a CUAO. This guy sounds like his only interest in you is a roll in the hay 3 times a year and someone to talk to when he is bored.
You deserve to be happy and you are not happy.
Posted 02/11/07 3:40 PM
the conversation
one week ago,
mid conversation:
missmoxie(5:40:28 PM): so my dear sir, what are your intentions with me?
him (5:40:58 PM): my intentions?
missmoxie (5:41:09 PM): mhmm
him (5:41:37 PM): well my dear lady, i believe they are noble, whatever they might be
missmoxie(5:43:14 PM): that's good.. slightly vague. :)
him (5:43:22 PM): one sec. i have to go get my laundry
missmoxie (5:43:34 PM): k!
him(5:56:09 PM): hi
missmoxie (5:56:27 PM): hi! you're back.
him (5:56:33 PM): i am
him (5:56:39 PM): with clean laundry
him (5:56:44 PM): which i will not fold
missmoxie (5:56:46 PM): yummy
missmoxie (5:58:21 PM): if it gets wrinkled you can always just throw it in the dryer again.
him (5:58:49 PM): or just not care
missmoxie (5:58:55 PM): yes
him (5:59:44 PM): so
him (5:59:51 PM): you wanted to know about my intentions?
missmoxie (6:00:04 PM): yes i did
him(6:00:15 PM): i guess i don't understand what you mean
missmoxie(6:01:53 PM): i guess ... as far as ...
missmoxie (6:02:19 PM): what you intend as far as the relationship between us
missmoxie (6:03:37 PM): as far as being exclusive with each other
him(6:04:23 PM): hmm
him (6:04:30 PM): i don't know
him (6:05:16 PM): what are you intentions?
missmoxie (6:07:48 PM): I don't know how to say...
missmoxie(6:08:49 PM): it's been some time and ... i feel uncomfortable with just being with you ..having sex..
missmoxie (6:09:05 PM): I guess I am just curious, really
him(6:10:10 PM): yeah. it's...interesting
missmoxie (6:10:26 PM): what is?
him (6:10:42 PM): our relationship
missmoxie (6:10:43 PM): the situation, i guess you mean
him (6:10:46 PM): yeah
him(6:11:29 PM): i don't know
missmoxie (6:11:45 PM): okay
missmoxie (6:12:06 PM): well I just wondered
him (6:14:32 PM): what do you think?
missmoxie (6:15:00 PM): I don't know
him (6:15:05 PM): should we...concentrate on being friends and not have sex
him (6:15:11 PM): i know it's weird
missmoxie (6:16:05 PM): I was just curious what you intended on doing
missmoxie (6:16:23 PM): :)
him (6:16:28 PM): you didn't exactly tell me what your intentions were
missmoxie (6:16:53 PM): I don't know
missmoxie (6:18:57 PM): still there?
him (6:19:56 PM): yes
missmoxie (6:20:01 PM): brb
missmoxie (6:23:39 PM): sorry, i had something on the stove
missmoxie (6:23:50 PM): so anyway
him (6:23:53 PM): no problem
missmoxie (6:23:57 PM): whatcha doing?
him (6:24:10 PM): trying do fix my music library
missmoxie (6:24:35 PM): mmhmm
missmoxie (6:24:42 PM): .
missmoxie (6:25:18 PM): if it ain't broke, don't fix it
him (6:25:38 PM): oh it is broke
him (6:25:45 PM): music keeps disappearing
missmoxie(6:26:02 PM): ooh. what are you using?
him (6:26:09 PM): itunes
missmoxie (6:26:32 PM): mine does that too, but that's because rhapsody isn't a very good service
missmoxie (6:33:55 PM): ohh. it's already 6:45, I have to go
him (6:34:41 PM): ok
missmoxie (6:35:11 PM): good to talk tonight!
him (6:35:17 PM): always
missmoxie (6:36:10 PM): k gotta go, xo
him (6:36:18 PM): have a good night
him (6:36:20 PM): xoxo
missmoxie (6:36:33 PM): you too, _!
(maybe I was a little tooo light and breezy? eh?)
I kind of got a little panicked when he asked ME what MY intentions were and so I may have ended it a little too quickly. He gave me an "I don't know" so he could fish for my thoughts on the subject; maybe I should have pressed a little more?
I haven't been online since then, but it isn't unusual for us to not talk for a week or two since I have made a point to be less available.
since this conversation, in the last week, he's included me in a group email to friends here, (it was a request for transportation for friends coming through here next month for work), and I guess was looking at my photos on an a photography site I use. he's thinking about me. this 8-12 weeks is going to give him time to get some other things straight.
anyway, again, should I clarify my expectations to him or leave it alone?
how available should I be?
sorry to take so much space!! :1
thanks for your opinions, they are appreciated!
Posted 02/11/07 2:36 PM
how am I doing?
Ladies, I need your help!
I'm attempting an 8-12weeks... this is someone who I've seen non-exclusively for a good while. it's been a very non-rules relationship, although he initiated. (he even had to find my number.) the relationship has revolved largely around sex, although there IS friendship there, and when I pull back, he moves forward. He has had issues caused by past hurts and his parents divorce but has been working through these and I know very much wants and intends to get married, and to have that stability and close relationship with someone.
I know what kills him is a girl who just walks away and says nothing. he wants what he can't have but is also realistic (right now distance could be a factor in his mind) he is the kind of guy who is magnetic, lots of girls around him, plenty of opportunities. his kindness and big heart pull people in. I feel like walking away not saying anything would be leaving valuables on the sidewalk. he has plenty of girls wanting his attention.
Now, I think the results would have come faster if I had done an 8 wks sooner- when he was really in the habit of talking ot me everyday, etc. things have cooled off. But there is something in me that has an amazing hold on him. Currently we are in different states- at least 24 hrs apart by car. (Living in the city, he doesn't own a car.) He was here for christmas 2006, early march, and christmas again. obviously not enough, but we aren't exclusive. when he visits, he comes to visit everyone (friends/fam), and hasn't made trips ONLY to see me (but considering his financial situation it would be extremely difficult or even impossible to make too many flights and hasn't been possible to take MORE time off). so I haven't gone to see him either. I'd like to, but I don't have a smooth way to give him the idea of making a visit just to see me or that he bring me up to visit. :) (especially since he HAS made 3 trips in the last year). In light of the financial/job situation, I don't know that either situation is possible.
things have been the same for quite a long time now- that is-- we have no agreement to be exclusive. he is very good to me but we are not exclusive. It's been TOO long, and we need to move forward. it's been something I was hesitant to do for a long time- rather, I needed a way to let him feel like it is his idea.
I decided to do an 8 wks and I asked his intentions.
I'm not quite sure what exactly I've accomplished. Did I elaborate enough on what I want? (remember, I want him to make the decision, feeling it is his choice not corner him into something). He asks MY intentions but I was hesitant to give any information without hearing from him. He is smart, and should know what I'm asking. But I'm still concerned. I don't know if he realizes action is needed, because I said I was just curious, wouldn't say MY intentions, nd then left so sweetly. He said "I don't know" and that's all I needed to hear. I was sweet until we left. Now I will be even less available. Not completely though, since he should think I am not bothered- not angry. otherwise it could be taken as though it isn't a choice.
If it was normal for us to talk by phone, I would leave it up to him to call. but since we only talk online, should I be online every now and then as usual, so he can choose to talk? I'm not sure how long it could take for him to get to me if I don't make myself available there, as there is no reason for him to expect our mode of communication to suddenly change, and we've only been talking once or twice a week lately, if that.
So how available should I be? Just keep it short unless he has something I want to hear? I can't exactly say "so, you don't seem ready yet" if he doesn't bring up exclusivity, since I didn't make it a requirement for us to talk. ? Should I go back and elaborate, or leave it as is? I started out well but may need a little clarity here.
conversation follows!
Posted 12/27/06 10:08 AM
Catechist is engaged.....almost!
Hi ladies...I have been posting in Engaged but I wanted to let you know that we got the ring last night and a proposal is on the way. Hallelujah for TR. And bootcamp really works!!!!!!
By NARCISE0025
Posted 12/21/06 1:33 PM
my 8 weeks...
Hello everyone,
I posted my previous letters in the salon, by I think this is the right thread for my case.
My 8 weeks started on Monday and I know that the chances of him changing his minding are very slim. I hope that not contact with him will at least help me get over him and be able to move on.
We have only talked for a few minutes yesterday (I tried to avoid the encounter but I was not succesfull). I was light and breezy and ended the conversation saying that I have to go back to work. But now I know that I will not see him in the next week (I think he will have some days off) and tomorrow I will not go to work. And with the New Year I start my new job at another hospital (we work at the same hospital at the moment) so I will not see him at all... This thought is a bit difficle to handle... It is actually over. I think that he will not contact me and I don't know when I will see him again.
Anyway, I will try to do my best, keeping my self busy, going out more, shop some new clothes, see my friends more and hopefully start going to the gym again at some point. (And if I can manage it, start the dance lessons I wanted so much). All this and starting my new job... We will see.. I hope that I will be ok...
Goodnight...
Posted 12/19/06 12:46 PM
Narcise
Hi, I replied quickly to you on another thread but I think the way it works is you issue your ultimatum and then wait. Depending on how long it takes him to contact you will give you an indication of how close he is to what you want.
It doesn't say very much about SMS but with calls you should be very strong and just restate your conditions on when you will see him. If he is not ready to comply, politely get off the phone asap.
Gotta go but will be back soon
By NARCISE0025
Posted 12/19/06 11:10 AM
8 week wait
Hello everyone, It has been a very long time since the last time I wrote to the Board...
I was in a relationship where many mistakes have been made and many Rules broken... Finally we broke up for the second time a few days ago, as I could not stand it any longer. When we were together we had a great time and we had a very passionate relationship.I am sure he was very attracted to me and liked me as a person but he desided that at this time of his life, after his divorce (2 years ago), he did not want to enter "a serious/ normal relationship". It felt as this was final and there was no way he could change his mind. Anything that resembled something "relationship-like" seemed to scare him. For a year, he had not even stayed once for the night in my house, and I have only met one of his friends outside work. He didn't want to tell anyone at work that we were dating and after the first time we broke up and started going out again he didn't want to see me on a regular basis. I tried anything I could so I would not put any pressure on him but he seemed to be a complete commitment-phobic.
My question is: what exactly is the famous 8 week wait. How does it work and what can I expect from it. Can I answer to any phonecalls or SMS before the end of the 8th week?? I guess I must dissappear completely but what happens if he wants to contact me before the end of the 8ww?
Can anyone help me here? Thanks a lot for listening.
Posted 11/23/06 6:53 PM
CUAOBride
I just want to thank you for recognizing that it might be a bit overwhelming for me right now. There WAS a bit of that, to be honest. And a bit of exasperation, I guess.
I feel like I got my head together, and am kind of allowing myself to enjoy this new little thing that has started with P.E. and
up pops Ex.
So, right now, I plan to do nothing. Because that is what is best for ME right now.
Posted 11/22/06 10:40 AM
Catechist
I totally agree with PinkLady that you should wander over to the engaged board.
I think you will get some good advice over there!
Posted 11/22/06 10:39 AM
PinkLady25
Hi PinkLady!
I really am not too sure what I feel right now. I have not done the one call for closure and I don't think I really want to right now.
He was pretty cruel to me at various times. He didn't care about my feelings. Seriously.
And now, I have gotten myself together (in a pretty quick fashion actually) and I have started dating a really great guy.
Because it is so close in time to my break up, I can't help but see certain differences. This new guy (right now anyway) seems to really be concerned, at all times, with how I am feeling. He doesn't want to pressure me, panic me or move too fast. (he senses that I am very cautious but I have not discussed why).
It is really nice, actually. Really nice.
Every now and then, I just get a pang of something with the ex. I am not even sure what it is.
Thoughts?
Posted 11/22/06 11:18 AM
Taylor, I also posted in Bootcamp and Lala.......
I realised you have disclosed a bit more intimately here to 4 weekers who might be able to relate more intimately.
I was just wondering how I would respond to that card if Fish has sent it to me (yes, 3 months too)....the fact is nothing happened yet for me....you lucky thing you......:-) my luck level is certainly lower with no dates and no ex's call as of recent till today.
Anyway, I think you feel the pangs because you haven't completely given up on the relationship: that relationship must have brought you some sparks at some level.
Do the OCC if you really like him. Strongly recommend you double date (but not multi-date- see my posts in Lala).
If it were me, I have no choice but single-date. Why? 'Cause although I do have a date offer by an OLD lobster, I hadn't met him and have no interest to.
My situation with Fish is more of the job than anything else; so all I have to do is to just resume 'cause strong interest is still present.
But can't speak for you: by the way I observe, you can put your ex out of your mind more readily than me for Fish's case.
Yet, I could put my first ex out of my mind (that 10 year relationship I had) more easily than yours with this ex, or than my current feelings for Fish.
So I guess it boils down to how much chemistry do you still have with him? That spark that you often mentioned to us......were the drives really that special? Is he worth another shot?
Your OCC should be done only after a few days of evaluation (e.g. 2 days).
It must be overwhelming.....I would have been.....I will be very happy if I were you (don't worry too much).......
Hugs,
CUAOBride.
Posted 11/22/06 7:39 AM
Catechist
Sounds like progress...great!
I will post to you in a bit...
Taylor
Posted 11/22/06 7:39 AM
RB, CUAOBride, etc.
I know this is probably poor timing with the upcoming holiday and all, but I am hoping some of you are around....
I heard from my Ex. I received a card in the mail yesterday:
A "Thinking of you" card which wishes me a happy Thanksgiving. In it he wrote:
"Taylor, I hope you are well and that you and your family have a very nice Thanksgiving. Love, Ex.
p.s. I miss our drives."
That was it.
ps- It has been 3 months of no contact.
Posted 11/22/06 8:11 AM
taylor
Nope we're still working away in the UK!!
Do you want to date this guy again Taylor? If so have you done the call for closure?
If not maybe use thanking him for the card as an excuse to leave a message and then if nothing comes of it at least you know you did all you could- or avoided doing all the things you shouldn't do!
PL x
Posted 11/21/06 7:52 AM
Blue Collar is getting married!!!!
OK I did it. I went to visit Blue Collar last night and he was like a hungry dog jumping all over me with hugs and kisses. His eyes were shining just like our first date. Anyway, we were sitting on his couch talking and then I realized now was the time. I sighed very longingly and then:
Blue Collar: Seems like something is on your mind.
Catechist99: Yeah, I've been doing some thinking about us too.
(He straightened right up and took my hand and said "Yes???")
Catechist99: Well I had a great summer. We had so much fun. Didn't you.
Blue Collar: Yes, I had fun.....(nervously).
Catechist99: I care for you so much. And I know you love me too. I want to take this relationship to the next level of committment and if you don't want the same thing we need to part ways.
Blue Collar: So....you want a ring and a date?
Catechist99: Yes.
Blue Collar: Didn't we already have this conversation?
Catechist99: No.
Blue Collar: You know I love you...I LOVE YOU!!!! If I didn't I wouldn't do all the things for you that I do. Do you really need a piece of paper? Will that make you feel more loved?
Catechist99: It's important to me for many reasons. If it isn't to you then we need to move on.
Blue Collar: I'm not saying that. And I have to give you a ring?
Catechist99: No, if we get married in less than 30 days I don't need an engagement ring. If it's more than 30 days I want an engagement ring.
Blue Collar: And how much money am I supposed to spend?
Catechist99: 6 months salary (in a naughty voice and a wink).
Blue Collar: You know, if you paid me the money you owe me I could buy you a ring. (I bought his car a few months ago and was waiting on a tax refund to pay him the balance. The money came in on Friday and this was the first day I have seen him since then.)
Catechist99: You know the money is waiting for you when you want it. But that's a separate issue to this conversation.
Blue Collar: Well I don't want to have to ask for it............You know I feel like when you get money you change.
Then he proceeds to tell me that I have gone from 100 percent attention to 0 since I "got some money". Blah blah blah.
I just restated that if he doesn't want to do it then we should part ways.
Then we discussed a date. Well that's up in the air. He also said we should go shopping for rings. Then he confided in me that some nodules showed up on his chest xray. And he said "Well, I guess I'm not getting any younger. I guess that's why a man needs a wife............" This is the Eternal Bachelor saying this. And then he tells me "Yeah, I've been thinking for a while that we need to do something" (get engaged/married).
Anwyay, where we left off was him wishing he wasn't sick so he could feel more festive. And then he said "Wow, __________ is getting married. I guess I have to retire my membership to the He-Man Woman Haters Club" LOL I knew when he said that about himself that it was real and he wanted to do it to and that he accepted it. He also asked me where we would live, wanted to know why we can't live at his house............anyway, it seems like bootcamping has worked.
Next steps: As to not oversaturate or heaven forbid PRESSURE him when should I initiate converation about setting a date, shopping for rings. Most definitely after Thanskgiving and after he has recuperated. Otherwise he will be tired and cranky.
So here are my issues:
1. When do I approach him to set a date?
2. How soon should we marry? We agreed to elope. But he does not want the courthouse thing.
3. How do I keep the momentum going without making him change his mind (feeling pressured)?
Please feel free to comment on anything I wrote here. Now is not the time for me to screw this up. I love this man. He's the only one I have ever fallen in love with.......and I've been married 2 times already but always for "financial" reasons. This is the man of my dreams. And he said I am his dreamgirl and that he knows if we split he would never find another me. Yippee!!!!
Posted 11/22/06 8:08 AM
CATECHIST99
oooo goody sounds like progress. Well done you on standing your ground.
Re setting the date- I too was very anxious in the weeks following my BFs proposal due the lack of ring and date. In the end I just said I was uncomfortable telling my friends and family we were engaged without a ring and date. My BF was angry at first and I ended up getting upset (not recommended!)but after a bit of stand off we agreed to next summer. I won't go into detail of what I did and said as I don't think I handled the situation very well- I let the stress get to the better of me and made my BF think I did not appreciate his proposal- therefore I recommend taking your query over to TR engaged where the other ladies may be able to help. x
PL x
Posted 11/22/06 6:15 AM
Catchiest: good! congrats...:-)
Posted 11/21/06 5:02 AM
Catechist
I have some thoughts re your Bluecollar.
It sounds to me he's playing the sympathy card in an attempt to get the milk without having to buy the cow. He can't be that sick if he's able to pull that off as well as he did.
You ain't his mama! The kind of attention he's trying to elicit from you is the kind most appropriate for a wife to give. Not a girlfriend.
I would recommend not acting like a wife until you are a wife.
That phone call was waaay too long. The minute he started with his:
Blue Collar: Well I really thought you would come over to my house to check on me, to see if I had food to eat, to see if I was lying when I told you that I had food to eat, just to give me a hug, to tell me that you love me.
would have been the perfect time to say, "Oh sweetie, I'm just been so busy! I'd love to talk with you some more but I simply have too much to do. But you can call me anytime. Bye!"
He knows exactly what he's doing. Flu or no flu, he's not that sick.
Posted 11/21/06 5:16 AM
I would say.........Catchiest.....
Catchiest, Take it from Taylor and Pink Lady who've had experience in this area.........
If the softer approach doesn't work, then you can try the harder approach.
This works for all communication situations, not just TR.
Just don't do it the way I did and hang up on him.
Add: I am really so busy........before insisting on cutting short the convo as Totally Fab suggested.
Posted 11/20/06 11:45 AM
Blue Collar Update
I did return Blue Collar's phonecall last night since he said he was going to die if I didn't get over to his house in 5 minutes. We talked for 22 minutes before I said I had to get going. I talked about going to Home Depot and buying a saw to cut my own wood, blah, blah, blah. He said he thought I would show up at his house to check on him. I said "I trust you to know the right thing to do. You are a very sensible man." And then he said "Yes that's true. I do have a lot of common sense. But with you being so caring and motherly I thought......." and then he got quiet.
I did call him today to check up on him since I don't want him to think I am abandoning him in his hour of need (I certainly want him to know he can count on me) and the first 10 minutes was awkward. He gave me every detail of his illness, the different ways he is coughing, how bored he is, told me to buy new tires for my car.....then I said "Well think about all the time you've had to ponder the mysteries of the world." And he took the bait:
Blue Collar: Yeah, actually that's true. I've been thinking a lot about us.
Catechist99: Oh really?
Blue Collar: I've been wondering about my Pink Cupcake (his nick for me) and where she is and why she is so busy all the time. You sure did get off the phone fast last night. That's probably the shortest conversation we have ever had.
Catechist99: Oh?
Blue Collar: Well I really thought you would come over to my house to check on me, to see if I had food to eat, to see if I was lying when I told you that I had food to eat, just to give me a hug, to tell me that you love me.
Catechist99: So when I asked you if you needed any thing from the store, asked you if you had food to eat and you said yes I should have assumed you were lying?
Blue Collar: Well, I mean I had food but I at least thought you would have cared about how I was doing. That you would want to see me.
Catechist99: Well I did assume that you were being truthful about having food.
Blue Collar: It just seems like you change whenever you get some money.
Catechist99: Really? How so?
Blue Collar: I don't know you just are different, like you used to call me and we'd talk for 60 minutes and then 6 hours later you would call again and we would talk for 60 minutes and we never ran out of things to say. And I knew you were thinking about me.
Catechist99: Well it is true that since I got this money I have had to focus on some responsibilities that I had put off. And the good news is that I am all caught up on current bills and old bills. So that's a plus.
Blue Collar: Yeah that's good.
Catechist99: And I had some stuff going on at work last week that I didn't want to burden you with.
Blue Collar: You know you can talk to me about anything. It's not a burden to me.
Catechist99: Well you need your rest right now. You don't need me smothering you.
Blue Collar: There are degrees to smothering. It's like if you need to know everything I'm doing every minute of the day, that's smothering.
Catechist99: Oh, that would be unbearable for me. I have more of a problem remembering to check up on people when I should.
Blue Collar: Well hopefully I will be well soon.
Catechist99: That's what I hope and pray for. And it sounds like these things need to be discussed in person. We do need to talk.
Blue Collar: OK (with hesitation).
Catechist99: Well I need to get going. Take care.
Blue Collar: OK, bye.
Anyway, it seems as if bootcamping is having an effect. I had no idea how fearful he is that I am going to leave him. Ok ladies, how do I proceed? TR are starting to work but I don't want to make a misstep at this point. I feel like I need to go see him. I don't think in this case it would be breaking TR to go visit a very committed bf who has pneumonia. What do you think?
Posted 11/21/06 3:27 AM
CATECHIST99
Hi there C
I'm not really sure what to advise here- I did not realise how ill he was- as far as I am aware there is nothing in TR about what to do in this situation.
It sounds to me as if you are a very caring person and you BF appreciates everything that you have done for him and is missing it badly now that you are busy. Please don't feel guilty though- I presume he has friends and family that can call on him as well?- don't try and take all the burden on yourself- let him propose if he wants you there to care for him 24/7. You are doing the right thing by keeping your distance and acting L&B.
I agree that discussions re relationships should be done face to face- but it sounds like he is too ill to visit you at the moment?
In my situation,after the week of no contact that followed the intentions chat I took a call from my BF early one Friday night and he started blurting out that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.....I cut him off and told him that I wasn't willing to talk about it over the phone and if he wanted to talk he could come over and visit- which he did.
I appreciate that that was not very rulesy 1) picking the phone up on a Friday eve and 2) instigating a meeting- however it was only the second or third time in a whole year that I had suggested a date and I had a strong sense that it was the right thing to do- the iron was hot as it were! I had literally got to a point where it was make or break- all that had to be said had been said.
If your BF really is too ill to visit you and you do decide to visit I would think seriously about having the intentions chat. Make it clear that marriage is important and that without marriage it is best you go your seperate ways. Keep it short and sweet- then leave- straight away and give him the space to think about things.
Hes knows that you are tehre for him and that is what I think is making him stall- let him know that withour commitment- your love and care will be taken away and that will surely make up his mind!
PL x
Posted 11/20/06 8:55 AM
Catechist99
Thanks for giving us a little more detail on your situation!
It sounds like your bf does love you very much.
And, yes he has gotten complacent and you have let/encouraged that to happen, which you can now see. So that is very good.
I don't think this is a "no contact" situation, unless and until you do as recommended in the books.
I think that TRII and WMMB should be good for your situation. Neither one recommends just dropping off of the face of the earth with "no contact" until you do as suggested first.
Also, I am glad to see PinkLady's post- she speaks from experience!
I believe that after one year of dating, you should know where the relationship is going and when. I made the mistake in my last relationship of hanging in there for too long "hoping" things would change.
They don't. The man knows exactly what he wants by that point. My guy friends all say, in fact, that guys know "right away" whether they see you as a potential wife or not. Right away.
It sounds like your guy sees you this way. He brings up marriage, etc.
But, you don't sound like you are the type of woman to wait around forever. Most of us aren't. So, read (or re-read) those chapters and see if that is something you are comfortable doing. Yes, it will be scary, but the alternative, if you think about it (waiting and not knowing if/when for years and years) is even scarier.
This is only my opinion, and this is how I plan to handle future relationships should they progress that far and should I need to. But, please know, that we all must do what is right for us and ultimately you must do what you are most comfortable doing.
Hang in there! It sounds like the "bringing back TR" that you are doing now is having a positive effect. That's a good start!
Taylor
Posted 11/20/06 9:33 AM
Taylor3 and Catechist99
Yes I agree with Taylor- completely dropping off the face of the earth and not seeing him at all should be reserved for when ,
a) you have had the intentions talk and he seems unsure or is dragging his feet with the actual proposal.
b) He asked you for space
c) He has treated you badly in some way.
At the moment concentrate on being as busy and as L&B as possible. Re read TR and only accept dates if he fulfills all the criteria!End the date first and try not to talk too much (VERY hard for me lol!)let him set the tone of the evening. After a couple of weeks hopefully the balance in your relationship will be corrected and you will have prepared the ground for the intentions talk- if that is what you want! As you say- it is very frightening- I remember thinking about my situation one time and bursting into tears at the thought of having to break things off. Sounds a bit wimpy I know BUT I still would have gone through with it if my BF had not proposed. As you say it is best to know now than waste years which sooo many women unfortunatly do. Be true to yourself- you want to get married- you want someone who pursues you- give him the chance to prove himself.
I am in no way advocating that anyone breaks TR. I am just pointing out that soemtimes life gets in the way and throws you off track. Learn by your mistakes but don't dwell on them- pick yourself up and start afresh today.
PL xx
Posted 11/19/06 7:35 PM
CUAOBRIDE,
Please don't be afraid to let me have it. I need a reality check. I knew you were right when I didn't want to read them LOL
I guess deep down I am afraid that if I totally bootcamp him (I've been returning his phonecalls but not initiating or answering) that he will just let it go and not fight to win me. Because he's lazy or worse yet....he really doesn't love me. Maybe I'm just a convenient companion to ward off his loneliness. I'm always here for him. He can come over and play house and then leave. That's what I am afraid that I will find out. Right now it's only a fear but what if it is reality?
I don't really have any choice do I? Do I find out now that he's a moonpie or wait 1-3 years to find out.....
But here's a question--do I do no contact at all? What do I do if he shows up at my house? Do I ever let on to him that what I want is marriage? That part eludes me. He really at this point has no clue what I am thinking. Do I show my hand or act like I don't care?
Posted 11/20/06 8:02 AM
CATECHIST99
Hi there- I rarely post here but I really sympathise with your post so I thought I would contribute.
I too lost my job about 9 mths ago- under unpleasant circumstances and it left me feeling really low and having no confidence for quite a while. In the same way as you described it made following TR very difficult and I had some major slip ups a while back that made my BF complacent too. At first I was so distracted with things at work that I did not clock on to what was happening and let me BF get away with it. I then realised what was going on and panicked that I had let things go on too long- however slowly but surely I started to boot camp and threw myself into trying to find another job and seeing my friends and family. I cut back on answering calls and when my BF did ask about my job hunting I would be very L&B- even mentionning that I was looking abroad for vacancies. By the time I found another position I was back on track with TR and was feeling soooo much better.
However- I still did not know where i stood re.marriage. I too had read WMMB and I have to give all credit to the "I might to I do" chapter.By August I had got to a point where if things were not going to progress then I was willing to walk away- I tried out the statements in that chapter and after a week of me not reposponding to his calls, texts and requests for dates he came to my flat and proposed- we are to be married next Sept.
So what am I trying to say....I understand why you broke some rules- they are hard to follow at the best of times let alone when you have lost your job. Cooking and showing you care are not breaking TR exactly but doing it frequently especially when he is not treating you like a dream girl is. You have done your best and put a stop to TR breaking- now you just have to wait and see what happens when its entirely left up to him!
best of luck- keep us posted PL x
Posted 11/19/06 12:27 PM
Day 5 - Bootcamping
Hi Taylor and everyone,
Yesterday I bought TR2, Close the Deal, and Why Men Marry Bitches. I read them already!!! LOL Taylor thanks for the Lili files. I am reading those too.
Just an update on bootcamping...today Blue Collar called and here's the message verbatim "Hi it's me _________, uh, if you aren't here in 5 minutes I'm gonna die. Gee, you're really busy lately aren't you. Well, uh, just call me when you get a chance. Bye." I almost died laughing because it was EXACTLY as all the books and this site has said would happen. I was not laughing at him--I love him and he does have pneumonia after all.
Taylor, when Blue Collar initiates marriage talk (and yes HE is the one who has always initiated it) he has never said "I want to marry you" or "Will you marry me?" it's things like "So when would you want to 'jump the broom'?" or "When we get 'incorporated....." He told me on our 1 year anniversary that he wouldn't want to get married around his birthday but sometime in the spring, that he thinks 1 year is too soon, when I asked how long he said "probably 3 years" and then I said "How about March 29?" (I didn't specify the year) he said OK and then asked me if I was gonna call my mom and sister with the good news. He acts like a husband in so many ways but I actually think this is a bad thing because it might discourage him from taking the next step. BTW, we DON'T have sex. He said we should live together about 3 months ago and I said not unless we were married. As far as the last bachelor standing I think that is a line that I fell for...I actually think he is very lonely. Anyway, here I am focused on him again.
One good thing about ignoring him this weekend is that I finally got my boxes unpacked (I moved in September!). I am spending more time doing things for me. I built a fire last night and sat on the couch and read my books. It was so nice. I realized that I don't do as much for me because I am always getting ready for him to come over. Our "dates" comprise of me cooking dinner, eating it, and then sitting on the couch watching tv or talking/cuddling. I feel like we are in a rut. If I say I'm bored let's go out he will gladly take me. But, he doesn't initiate. I think what happened is that the first few months he pursued. And then I lost my job and became insecure. Then I kinda started to pursue him. And he let me. He's a little lazy. But a few weeks ago he said something that shook me up. He talked about how much effort he had put into pursuing a woman years ago. Well this woman, I know her, is 50 years old, butt ugly, and swears like a sailor in between cigarettes and beers. I was shocked becuase he is so complacent with me. He calls me his soul mate but he ran after her? That woman was never interested because he was too young and I think it was just a sex thing. Ugh. Anyway, that's when I said to myself "Self, you've got a great guy, your dream man, he loves you, you love him but you are stuck. You need to shake it up a little." I realized that I was doing all the work and he was sitting back enjoying it. Not because he's a snake but because he's a man who's a little lazy and tired (because of his line of work and his age). But TR say they will work on any man so I'm giving a try. I basically followed TR in the beginning instinctively but I got weak and caved about month 3. So now I am back on track and I am going to close the deal!
Posted 11/19/06 6:31 PM
Catchiest....I understand your position but I need to rectify a
I've been pursued by older men (as old as 56 years old); divorced/married.
No matter how you shake them off, they are worse than bees around a honey pot.
They put in bloody much more effort than the thirty somethings that I am having trouble with now, no matter how TR or un-TR I am with them.
So I don't think it's to do with age or line of work.
A few things you said was pretty telling:
Then I kinda started to pursue him. And he let me. He's a little lazy.
We have to take responsibility and admit that we are the ones who allowed this to happen: we cooked, we were too nice: this is absolutely not TR.
I hope it doesn' sting, but it's a fact: don't attribute it to age or line of work.
if these attributions persist, they prevent you from seeing the truth.
To be very honest with you, you are doing TR midway. This is difficult: not an easy path. Like I said already, my advice is pretty bootcamp and not everyone can take it: etc most people are not able to pull back for weeks or months.....
Since you have WMMB read the page on Jessica and Rick whetre they had 3 months of no contact, and he came back to propose. 3 or 10 months is a very common thing. Whether you are able or prepared to pull it off or not depends on your willpower.
Posted 11/18/06 5:03 PM
CUAOBride
Hi lady!
I know what you mean about feeling a bit awkward, but that is not how I see you at all.
In fact, by posting and giving TR advice, it is sort of like practice, you know?
So keep on posting and giving that great advice! It helps you and it helps us!
Posted 11/18/06 4:59 PM
Catechist99
You really need to read the chapter on closing the deal. It is going to be a bit scary, but if you want things to change, you need to do something different.
Your last post sounds a bit different than the first one. What does he say when he talks about marriage? Does he bring it up or do you? What's with this "last man standing" nonsense? Is he serious about the 10 years down the road thing? These are the questions I have in my head, but I am NOT suggesting you get into any of this detail with him.
TRII is very clear. After 1 year, we ask the man's intentions:
"We have been together for a year now, and I would like to know your intentions with regard to this relationship."
If he says ANYTHING other than YES he wants to marry you in a reasonable amount of time, then you move on. If he does say yes, then you ask him "when" and if it is more than a year away, you should seriously consider seeing him less and dating others.
So, it is kind of scary but really quite simple. If he says "oh, I love being a bachelor, but maybe in a few years", you move on. Unless that is what you really want, but obviously it isn't or you wouldn't be posting here.
UGH. I feel your anxiety and can totally relate to it. BUT, you will feel better about yourself for standing up for what you want and believe.
Taylor
ps- one thing TR are pretty clear on- when a man loves us, he just loves us. There aren't excuses about "when I have more $"; "when you have more $"; "if you lose weight"; "marriage is just a piece of paper"; blah blah blah.
AND SOMETIMES, they just need to feel the loss to realize how much they DO in fact love us. "A man who is wary of commitment is made less wary by a woman moving away from , not toward, commitment" (see TRII- Closing the Deal).
Keep us posted!
Posted 11/18/06 1:12 PM
More about Blue Collar
Ok, some thing I forgot to mention about my relationship with Blue Collar is that we haven't broken up. Actually we are very happy together. I just want to get things moving forward and he wants the status quo. That's why I am not sure how to proceed in a situation where nothing is wrong.....just no proposal yet. A lot of talk about marriage. The last thing he said was "Let's wait until your bills are paid and then we will talk about marriage". Well my bills are going to be paid up next week because I got a windfall of $$$$. So do I bring it up? I am trying very hard to be a CUAO!!!!
Taylor good insight about my focus on him. I hate when I get obsessed like that. I not only love him deeply but I like him. Truly we are best friends. I can't stress enough that it is a great relationship and one worth keeping. I just fell in love with someone who is a Phlegmatic and I cannot seem to motivate him to the next step (which we both agree is marriage). HELP?????
Posted 11/18/06 12:03 PM
Thanks for the support!
Taylor and everyone else,
You ladies are awesome! Your strength and dedication is an inspiration to me. I want to follow TR 100% at this point. I started bootcamping about 4 days ago and it coincided with him getting pneumonia. In 4 days I have received 6-7 phonecalls from him which is more than I normally get in a month. I did return call today because as I said he has pneumonia and I do care about his illness. I asked him if he needed anything and he said no and I changed the subject. In the past I would argue with him to let me do something for him and he would get annoyed. I was totally L&B and elusive. He asked me about 5 times where I have been and I responded with "Who are you Columbo?" and "Busy little bee..so much to do so little time" and stuff like that. But right as I was ready to say "Well gotta pie in the oven" he says "Well hunny bunny......" in that tone that says time to get off the phone. I just said "OK honey, take care and I will talk to you soon." Normally it would be "I love you honey. I miss you.....blah, blah, blah." The past few times he has said ILY I have responded with a warm hug or "Me too". Anyway, one question is do I give an ultimatum? Since we have mutually agreed not to date others and I really don't want to am I supposed to anyway? I would consider that cheating. Do I have a talk with him? I have no idea how to proceed. I will buy TR2 today and read.
I would love to read the Lili files if someone could send them to me at drongoski@charter.net.
Thanks.
Posted 11/16/06 7:31 PM
How to get to the proposal???
Hi everyone,
This is my first post. I have been in a very committed relationship with a wonderful man for a little over a year. We are deeply in love. He brings up marriage almost everyday but I never initiate it. I usually say nothing or act nonchalant. He even told once that I needed to decide if I wanted to marry him because he wasn't going to force me. However.......his idea of getting married is like 10 years from now (he's 48 and I am 38). He says "we are practically married as it is" and "it's just a piece of paper" yet he also said he wants me to sign a prenup which I agreed to. My question is how can we go from "dating" to "married"? This is silly. We are a great couple, we are very happy, and would have a wonderful life but he is proud of his "last man standing" bachelor status with his friends. I am at my wits end. I don't want to lose him by saying NEXT but I don't know what to do to motivate him to propose. If I pull away he pulls away. He doesn't seem to respond to TR very well. But I am not getting the result I want. HELP????
Posted 11/18/06 5:52 AM
Cactchiest, .......the question is.....
how many months have you pulled away?
One of the ladies on this board told me 10 months before her ex-bf calls back. That was intense chasing with a proposal.
Another lady here didn't hear from the guy till 10 weeks after the breakup; that was a "I had good memories of you" note.
As for myself, it's been 10 weeks and I haven't heard a thing......I used to think that relationship created magical feelings.
Even if he appears 1 month later, 3 months later, 10 months later......I can still do TR on him (being prepared) while trying TR to whoever comes along the way.
But when said you pulled away (and he pulled back), how long has it been? :-)
Sometimes it takes 2 weeks to 5 years to see results: A korean movie that I've watched was such tha it took 5 years.
CUAOBride.
Posted 11/18/06 6:27 AM
Yes, Catchieset....Second what Taylor says.....
Esp those few parts about not waiting indefinitely.
Of course, what we hope that for you it will be the normal: 2 weeks, 4 or 8 weeks etc that he comes back.
So even if you do find yourself with many suitors yet no marriage prospects (touch wood) ten years down the line, and then he comes back to you and you feel that he's always been the one, you must still let him go through the hoops of TR. If he's meant to be yours but the destiny is menat to be later: e.g. 10 years down the line, he would come back to you anyway and within these 10 years you'd have perhaps dated many many guys whom you felt was incompatible. But at least you can forgive yourself for trying.
BUT SUPPOSE, HE'S NOT DESTINED TO BE YOURS?
Then within half a year you may meet your true destiny if you do next this particular man.
Either way, TR serves you well.
This is what I plan to do: I intend to treat him like a new contender who just happens to fall into my orbit at whichever point in my life x months later, and not help him anymore than the guys I meet between now and x months later: if anything, he has to work harder than the rest! And since he is "old" you could be rest assured that he's come back prepared to work harder than the rest!
In the TR game, I think many women assume the man just simply calls out of nowhere suddenly. While that may be true, I believe in John Gray's theory on being in the cave and reflecting on how he can treat you better when he next returns. When he indeed cares enough to return, he would have done a lot of "groundwork" and "homework"--ie introspection etc. He's bound to treat you differently. Because if he does come back, he's already risking rejection, which is really what men hate!
I used to flaw greatly on this aspect: I was an expert at rejecting men (and meant the rejection!). I didn't know how to do it the TR way. Once I rejected a man; it's gotta be face to face, extremely harsh, and to ensure the guy's gone from my life. I gave no room for return.
But if we post in 4 weex, 8 weex, we are expecting the guy to return. This is the first time I am doing it: readjusting behavior, mannerisms etc so that it won't be so extreme. used to look at this as "weak" character: the person doesn't know what she is doing..........moving to and fro like this.
Now, I know that this conveyance of "not sure"; "maybe" is not weakness of character at all! But particularly useful for getting a man to act more aggressively in securing your attention. But come to think of it: this is exactly the way of nature: if we watch animal planet, female animals have to act coy as well so as to secure a good chase from the male.
Interesting huh?
I sometimes wonder at myself and ladies like RB and Taylor who are able to do it so well: e.g. weeks, or even months....to this day, I wonder if I will break down anytime soon.
Posted 11/18/06 5:55 AM
Yayyyy Taylor, nice to see you here.
I was thinking about you last 2 days....
I was kind of like expecting you to be more in Salon and Bootcamp. Since you are doing so well with P. E., I was surprised that you even looked at 4 weex post!
Tell me frankly, do you still wonder why you haven't heard a peep from your most recent ex?
Hugs and kisses,
CUAOBride....
Posted 11/18/06 8:07 AM
CUAOBride!!!
> Tell me frankly, do you still wonder why you haven't heard a peep from your most recent ex?
YES, I wonder IF I will hear from him at some point. But, NO, I do not wonder "why" I have not heard from him.
And, I feel really good about the fact that I do not choose to waste my time wondering "why" with him anymore. It is very liberating. And it just plain feels good.
I feel SO much better and happier, it is hard to even believe I was THAT person back then.
I don't want to be with someone who is so ambiguous about me. And, I don't want someone who not only puts his feelings ahead of mine, always, but who has such little regard for my feelings. I want more.
He can work out his own problems. I HAVE worked out mine, and I am doing pretty darn good these days.
And, OF COURSE, I am checking out 4 weex and other threads- I have to check in on my friends!!!
So how are you doing????
I want to say to you that you are really embracing TR (despite what you may think!)...and I think that is great!
Also, in your post to Catechist99, you mention how RB and me are able to do this so well....Well, you know what I do???
I FAKE IT UNTIL I MAKE IT...
and eventually, I do make it to the other side...and it is great when you get there. So, just keep that in mind. Keep telling yourself that you are GREAT, a CUAO...and good things are going to come your way.
I just KNOW this!
Hugs
Taylor
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