TR Flirting

you could look on amazon.com for books on flirting i looked under flirting for dummies and got 2 possiblities

I'm 20 years old and I don't know how to flirt. I give off the "just friends" vibe. I get compliments from guys like "You're really pretty" but no one asks for my number. Somebody told me I just may act unavailable. So how do I do the rules and give off "available" vibes? I follow the rules that I understand religiously but a lot about the rules I don't understand. Like "Never talk to a man first" like I am in college so I am going to talk to guys and girls to get help from homework. I tried not talking to a guy first but all that got me was no guy friends. So now I approach guys and talk to them as just friends and if they want to initiate more than that's great but generally they don't.

Esther,
I haven't read much on this topic but I wil l tell you that my EX was a big flirt, and unfortunately, a lot of dirty inuendos (very upsetting all the time- such a lack of respect an dhe jnew i was religions, too) but the only thing i know to do as an RG is see if he asks me out for the weekend.

If not, ce la Vie. Flirt elsewhere ;)

Blog it! A cat or a lion?

http://www.seniorwoo.com/blog?thatsme

My crush is starting to flirt with me...and only getting flirtier. I can sense some serious progression.

How do you know if you should just go ahead and let him open Pandora's Box?

FYI...Thank goodness, there aren't any sexual innuendos. (He knows I'm pretty religious)

My fiance told me that men look at your feet and can tell what your "intimate" hygiene is by judging how attractive and well cared for your feet look.......a woman with pretty, polished toes is probably clean and fresh "there"......I laughed when I heard this but he swears its true.

I've been wearing black, beige, beige and black lately. And so does everyone else up here in the Cold White North. Except most other people wear black, grey, brown and navy. Ugh. Good advice, Chris - I'll have to get some red and yellow, and blue for winter. No open toes for at least a month though. AND I'm getting my smile improved next - so I can smile without worry.

Specifically on how to meet men while traveling. In a week I'll be flying and in a new country again and most of the time no one approaches me. Do I look or send out vibes that I'm unapproachable? I've been advised to just smile at the world. I'll do that, but is there anything else? What about clothes - heels are hell to travel in (I tried it and not only did it not work on men, but it nearly killed my feet). Help!

Hello All, I just want to let you know that we could archive SALON and others next week and a few other minor repairs. The proposal is posted at JANITOR and open for feedback for a few days.

Spiller

Thanks for your interest. I have to stop this fixating, though.

He had a tatoo on his back and I asked him what it siginified. It looked like arabic script. After some hiestation, he sheepishly told me that it was the name of an ex gf. Then apologised saying that he needed to find some other explanation. I then told him not to feel bad as people asked me what brought me to the city and I still say my ex husband and I needed to find a new explanation as well. he then asked me how long I had been divorced.

That sounds like a perfect way to meet eligible men! I don't think you have done anything wrong - as long as you are not visibly drooling over your favourite man!! lol.

Go have fun, get fit, be happy and smiley and wait for them to start asking for your number.

Oh and keep posting, we want to know how you get on!

I joined a running club with the benfits of getting into better shape and of course to meet elgible men.

After being a member for 6 weeks, I decided to check out a new weekly session. WEll, as far as finding a new source of elgible men, I think I've found it.

I remind myself not to get fixated on one particular guy, but we're not all perfect, right?

SO I've decided to put up my situation here to get it out of my and so that when I might encoutner this guy again, I can be really cool about it.

So go ahead, crtique what I've done so far........

Hey! Was really interested to read about the yahoo group you have set up- fair play. Any chance I could join up? New to the Rules!

I'm about to go ahead with the board repairs. The deadling VDay is approaching so I'll post the final draft today AND send it off to Thirdage.

Please take a look at JANITOR. I consolidated all the feedback and it feels like its workable. Last chance to object for this round of repairs!

I am looking forward to having this done and go back to my PBT!

sorry it took so long..being that i've been extremely busy with the group on yahoo..I decided to create the yahoo group because it's easier to read the messages that way (they send it to your email heheh) and I don't have to constantly come back to this site and go through a list of subjects of the rules i want to discuss because we discuss everything in my group..I now have 55 members since i started on dec. 20 and in the past week we've had 177 new messages! plus we can chat live, have polls, and email each other directtly easily if we have to.

BOARD REPAIRS!

Hi Jumper, Hi All! GUESS WHAT? I DID IT!!!! I really, truly, actually just finished the ENTIRE work I have promised to do for the boards for over a year! ITS ALL DONE!

I will shortly be posting the work at JANITOR and at each discussion concerned.

Some titles that have no traffic are being changed to suggested titles collected at Janitor from the membership.

Some new titles are being added due to popular demand.

We will now have exactly 35 titles which is perfect because there are 35 Rules!

PLUS, the work for RULES 911 is finally figured out. It was tricky because I had to set up a format that makes posting and replying excellent for people in urgent rules situations...it can be taking dead serious or turn out to be just much fun. We will see how it goes. It will however be called TR SOS instead of RULES 911.

I have also written a very lengthy new intro but it felt right to do so. 2007 will be the ten year anniversary of the boards and we deserve a beefed up intro. I wrote based on what has really been happening here for a few years and included some posting tips for newcomers.

Ofcourse all will be posted at JANITOR for feedback. I am crossing my fingers that everyone is pleased and that I will not have much more work to do before submitting it to thiradge. Its a pressure cooker for me.

I feel so relieved and look forward to your feedback.

Spiller

Why don't you join us here?

Hi ladies I'm new to the discussion board, but not new to the rules. I just created an online support group for cuao's on yahoo.com. here's the link, please feel free to join. Thanks!

Click to join cuaosupport

I hope you're checking other boards here as well, many of us post on SalonIV and Bootcamp.

Welcome to the boards. You will find lots of great advice here and even some hugs when you need them.

Regarding what to say, just say ok and don't call, since RGs are very busy and don't have time to call men. He'll call if he wants to see you again. Or just smile. Or say, no thanks, I'm kind of old fashioned and I don't call men. Then get busy multi dating.

The easiest way to do TR is just to do nothing. Don't call, don't talk too much, don't email, don't text, don't IM, don't tell them what to do, just smile sweetly. And then go get a manicure, a massage, a bubble bath, and post here.

I'm new here. I just read The Rules and The Rules II. Wished I would have practiced them sooner. Anyway, I had a really great date with a man, it was first one. At the end of the night he said "So maybe I'll see you around, maybe you could call me sometime and we could do this again..." I said Ok, of course and I did, we went out a few more times and I ended up getting hurt. My question though is how to handle that, since you're not supposed to tell the guy to call you. When a guy says "maybe you could call me sometime" what the Rules response be? I really need help breaking some bad habits.

He hasn't called yet, but he said something about being away for a week, so I'm not holding my breath.

I cna just see you throwing lipstick and fixing your hair really fast..lol;)

You did well..but.he needs to get some paper next time..

wait for the call and be L and B

I met a new man Saturday afternoon near my home. He was visiting a neighbour. I’ll call him Tree Man. He spoke to me first and we chatted for less than ten minutes. He seems nice and my initial impression was positive. I ended the conversation first.

Sunday, my neighbour left a message for me from someone, I think it was the Tree Man (by then I had forgotten his name – Good) asking me to call him (he neglected to get my number on Saturday and I didn’t encourage it by saying I was going traveling soon).

Anyway, so I called back and left a message (Good). I didn’t wait 24 hours, BAD. Should have waited.

About an hour later, Tree Man arrived on my doorstep. When I heard the knock, I threw a bit of make up on and tossed my hair. BAD. He asked if I wanted to go out for lunch. I said, ‘what?, right now?’ in a surprised voice, as if saying you must be crazy to expect me to drop everything and go out with you on spur of the moment. Then I said L&B and flirty, ‘Oh, I’d love to, but I have things to do, sorry. Would love to another time, though’.

So he asked me for my number and offered to give me his. We talk and in about five minutes I say, I’ve got to get back to work. And he asks for my number again. I don’t see him pulling out any paper or pen, so I say, ‘do you have a good memory’? And he says, yes. So I start telling him my number. He says, ‘oh, no, you’ll have to write it down’. Obviously, he doesn’t have a pen and paper on him although I’m surprised since he has a daypack with him. So I raise my eyebrows, but go in and I write down my phone number.

I know that I should have just stood there and let him search for a pen and paper, but that would look really odd because if he didn’t have one he’d have to walk over to the neighbours place and get it from him. So I didn’t know if I could have done it any better, but in the past I would have written it down as soon as he asked the first time and then asked for his and really was more enthusiastic about the whole thing. I was pleased just the right amount but not tooo eager. Just right. The only thing I could have done better is to be more fun and L&B. Then I said my goodbyes and went back in.

The lesson for me here is to always look my best, no matter what I’m doing (I work at home). Also, if he calls, I’ll have to make him wait three days. That’ll be hard, because I don’t think I have ever made men wait for a date with me. I’ll have to start a list of things to do that prevent me from accepting a last minute date. L&B has to be my mantra. Hard to get and easy to be with. A new man in my life. Yeay! ;-)

So there is an incredibly HOt guy in my class..

I sit far on the other side of the room..

the past few classes...I look up and see him looking my way..

I thought, maybe he's looking at someone next to me..

so, today..I was taking notes..his whole body it turned towards me and I look up and he spins around quick..

hmm..

then at break..he walks all the way across the room just to pass me..

I went outside and then he comes outside too..I go in to use the bathroom and then he passes me again?

Am I seeing this or is he into me? Either way I know I can't intiate..I'm a rules girl..

This guy has been pursuing me from the beginning, I acted busy and aloof and he kept asking until I said yes to a date. We had a great time on the date but I didn't let him kiss me or hug me. He asked me when he can see me again but I was really flirty and told him to call me coz I'm super busy. He told me to call him. He texted me few days later asking me why I haven't called and sent me some flirty texts (which I replied to) but he hasn't set another date.

I saw him on campus a few times, but kinda ignored him a few times and felt really rude. Now he's backed off and hasn't texted for a while. Does he think I'm not interested? What do I do?

I met a guy at work 2 weeks ago who works in IT so he happened to be by my desk. I asked his guy opinion on something dealing with my ex. Then he came by 4 days in a row. I kept convo about the ex to a minimum but also told him it was truely over with the ex. He talked a lot about himself. His emails were flirty. I once emailed him at 10pm and he replied because he had his blackberry on.

But since then he's stop by my desk for 2 minutes whenever he happened to be on my floor. I changed departments this week and didn't tell him, hoping he would miss me and contact me.

I happened to run into him this morning but I walked by really fast with a polite hello. He didn't make an effort to stop me to ask about my weekend, should I have stopped, did I give bad body language by not stopping my walk when I saw him? I just thought he should show some initiative.

Esther2002-- can you tell me more about the competition thing? How did you let your guy know about the competition? And how often do you bring it up (and what are you two doing when you mention it?) Is this something you can say over the phone?

Hi Phan I'm pretty new too but i'll give
it a go.. I guess my advice would be to
be yourself and try (it's hard but try) to
not change the way you would act
normally in any way.. Look your best
every single day and do your job as
well as you can, smile and be
cheerful..The rules work best when
you do them on yourself, not try and
'do' them on a guy.

Good Luck!

There is one thing above all else that works more than the rules. You can even completely have broken all of them, and it still works:

Competition. I have noticed that this one thing makes guys spring into action. One minute they are not interested in anything more than friends, but at soon as another guy comes along, they are VERY interested and trying to make you theirs first.

It works really well if the other guy is a good catch....LOL!

Hey, it's happening with me.

Yeah, I think my friend (a guy) has read it.

How does one keep head screwed on straight when falling for a friend? Thank goodness he lives out of town now so I can keep a grip on reality.

Last Sunday, he came into town for a visit and we all went out to lunch together. He asked me to come see his new house that he's renovating, I hesitated, so then he suggested having a party (knowing that I'm uncomfortable with the idea of visiting on my own). Well, at the end of lunch, we were all out with my friends who are dear to me, he picks up the ENTIRE check! (I think to impress me) For the past 2 years, I've kind of put him off a lot because well (he has asked me before), he's a rich good-looking doctor, I thought he was superficial, it annoys me how girls fall all over him like he's something special, I don't know if he has a truly good heart, etc. etc. I always wanted to be with a "missionary" type guy. I even avoided letting him give me a ride to the restaurant because it is a red Audi. Exciting for some, embarrassing for me.

And there I was, falling for the VERY thing I thought I wouldn't fall for.

ACK!!!

Dear rules website,
My name Phan and I am new. I want to ask you how to attract bos at work. You told me to put on makeup and I did that with sister but he still have not ask me out. Please woud you tell me how to do this. Phan

Dear Star and Rita,

I have not signed onto this topic before, and was so moved by your emails.

Haven't we all loved deeply that handsome, charming, man who we were surprised we were with, whose feelings for us were authentic and yet who did not treat us right, or love us enough, or in some way was not right for us? Okay, perhaps some women had mothers who taught them all this early, but most of my friends, and certainly I have had this experience.

It is hard.
Especially once you are intimate or let that person in or think of them as your boyfriend...or whatever.

TR has saved me from these experiences. I have been a strict practicer since June and it has worked. I just recently met someone I really like. First one since the beginning of dating this spring. But I have learned not to obsess and not to call and although I am thinking of him and hoping he will call again, and believe he likes me too...it's much better. Because I am not doing anything, I have acted perfectly gracefully, I feel wonderful about how I behaved and looked when we met, and if he does nothing, I have no regrets...and he'll probably do something...but somehow this difference in the experience, is so important and powerful for ME. Not just in setting the right precendent with the man who I might date or ultimately be with long term...but also just for me. To learn to trust and not work too hard, and let love come to me the right way.

Hang in there Rita, and Star, thank you for your wise words.

Meredith

Rita,
I feel your hurt and pain over this fellow. Aughh..I’ve been there and at times I still am. You say the two of you are so similar and that he is so amazing, with all those social skill to boot. The fellow I was with we had much in common too, except he didn’t value and appreciate me. So he had to go. I ended it by telling him I was not the girl for him. I should have said he was not the man for me, but he is hardly a man. Anyway, a RG just ends it cleanly, doesn’t look back. (It’s not that I don’t hurt, ruminate, and cry at times it is a loss, after all). But RGs are not with men that don’t want us. It’s that simple. You have taken some good action steps to distance yourself from him with the phone call protection. When you are ready, end all communication. There are fifty ways to leave your lover. You can begin working on you to be the best CUAO. Re-read that chapter. It is action in the direction of your future, not the past. If you need extra money, get a second job, how about a new hair style, do your nails (toenails too), get a massage, treat yourself to a facial, or go to Bloomingdale’s for a makeover, clean your closet, or rearrange your bedroom, pull out some old photos that you really like, buy yourself some flowers, wear a nice scent, or lotion. Take care of business. It’s action, go into action. You are not alone.

Rita,
Your story sounds a bit similar to my story. I met this fellow, kissed too soon, he never took me on a real date, and called daily after 10:00pm. I dated him 2 months. I was crazy about this guy. He told me he loved me, often. We had so much fun together. We took a trip to NYC, and had a great time. When we came back he gave me a bill for my share, which included his airfare (It’s complicated. He had some stupid reasoning). I wrote the check and told him he didn’t care for me, and that I didn’t want to see him again. It’s been over 2 months and I haven’t heard from him. This was before I knew of TR. I regret not knowing about TR. I ruminate how I would have done this or that so differently. Looking back, I would not be in this hurt spot, if I did TR. The Rules, protect us from the wrong men. I am now serious about doing TR. I practice them with men I meet. I don’t say hello first, I don’t ask a man to dance, and I don’t call. I tell myself I am a RG. Rita, be kind to yourself. This is a new way of thinking and behaving. You now have the support you need to do TR. Keep coming back to the message boards, email Rules support people, call some support people. Read and re-read the Rules book. I also believe there is a Rules seminar scheduled in New York coming up soon. If I lived there, you bet I would attend. You are not alone. You’re a happy busy RG with a “Universe” full of Mr. Rights.

I'm normally an ice queen. Well, the ice is melting and the cute doctor is coming back around.

Anyways, the guy just got a job in a city 2.5 hours away and tells me he plans on coming back EVERY weekend. He is even starting to offer to give me things. When some people asked him why at a dinner we went to why he comes back every weekend he choked on his food! LOL!