TR INDEX

I found some great quotes on the Internet that to me relate to TR. Some made me laugh!

On Being a CUAO

Women are like stars, there are millions of them out there, but only one can make your dreams come true. --Unknown

A woman can look both moral and exciting - if she also looks as if it were quite a struggle. -- Edna Ferber

The great question ~ which I have not been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is `What does a woman want?'-- Sigmund Freud

On PBTing

Women are like tea bags; put them in hot water and they get stronger. -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Red Flags

Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an angel.-- William Makepeace Thackeray

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing ~ and then marry him. -- Cher

Generally following TR:

Man has will, but woman has her way.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

I wonder why it is, that
young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.
-- David Niven

Enjoy!! :) :)

LDove: (In response to your question)

Narcissistic is the woman that want her feelings cherished, but at the same time wants to take the lead in the relationship.

For the relationship to be harmonious, the woman must refrain from wanting to exhuberate a masculine energy.

When the woman "wants" and "needs" she is "emmasculating" the man or "making him fight" for his territory (the right to lead, and to be right)

The woman must obtain what she wants and needs, by means of directing the talk in terms of "I feel", "I would love", ...(feelings)

This attitude makes the man want to cherish her feelings and make her desires come true :)- He is the hero!

Personally, I don't believe that "male energy" women (as stayed in GTID) are "rules" women. Not to say that those kind of relationships might not work, but certainly not under the umbrella of "The rules"

PBT - Pretzel Brain Twist - those roundy round thoughts about a man that get you nowhere but upset!

WMLB - Why Men Love Bitches
WMMB - Why Men Marry Bitches

BITCH - Babe In Total Control of Herself

PBT?

WMLB? A book - but what's the title?

Hello All, Its just a technicality. The title here is being changed to TR INDEX.

The Actual Rules as a title was misleading as it encouraged discussion that doesn't exist here...as this title is strictly for stocking an inventory..index...

Please contribute to this INDEX!

Author unknown!

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~
WOO HOO what a ride!"

Written by BROWNEYE

Ways to Get Out There if You're Broke

Free/Cheap Things to Do to Get OUT THERE!

1. Go to the library

2. Hang out with friends

3. Take a walk in the park

4. Window-shop at the mall

5. Go to the gym

6. Visit a museum

7. Visit an art gallery or new exhibit

8. Check the local paper or online for events

9. Go to a lecture

10. Go to a poetry/book reading

11. Go to a concert

12. Go to a fair

13. Go to an outdoor festival

14. Go to a church/religious event

15. Make desserts and give to friends/ neighbors

16. Go to a dinner party

17. Walk barefoot on the beach at sunset

18. Attend an activity with a local singles group

19. Look up singles groups online

20. Make new friends through craigslist.com or friendster.com

21. Go hiking at a nature center

22. Go bike riding, swimming, rollerblading, jogging

23. Go to a local happy hour

24. Join a movie group

25. Go see a movie

26. Go have lunch/dinner

27. Volunteer for a charity or non- profit organization.

28. Go visit pets at the pet shop

29. Get a free make-over at the make- up counter

30. Join meetup.com.

Dear Shayla and Berry, We can discuss all this more at TR LA LA! but...yes, The Rules say that Mr. Wrong won't stand up to the rigors of The Rules. He will go looking for women with other standards...for example women that will accept last minute dates which is more convenient for him..not her!

GTID says that a boy becomes a man when he stops using others...and last minute convenient dating...for his own gratification BUT moves on to love having women be the recipients of his generousity and protectiveness...which would translate as planning dates that would help her be at her best...ie not too frazzled from work or having to get up for work the next morning etc.

ALSO...COINCIDENTALLY...in the next few days we should be seeing a few new things happening here at the boards. One is that this title will become TR INDEX and, yippee...a new title is being installed called BAM! which is ALL about responding to a mans advances....

Also Berry! A light went on for me last night...and I have decided to remove the lame attempt at our humour board /SALON Cantina) afterall. It just doesn't work. Wen people feel frisky then are so unlikely to just go to another title for fun and then go back to their community. It was a dumb idea.

Instead, due to constant desire expressed by many members...and the fact that SALON Cantina became more of a BITTERSWEET confessions board...it is also being chnaged to a title for discussing breaking the rules...and not apologizing for it. More like healing and doing one's best....

I hope to seee you at BAM!...if it works with Thirdage we will have it within a few days.

Dear Shayla and Berry,

What a relief...to catch you in time. First off, Shayla! I am so sorry if your post about GTID and BAM! was ignored. I hate this because these are my two favorite subjects. I love the question and would love to post with you about it...and I am positive others aswell. The GLITCH that happened to you here is that from our 37 Titles for discussion...this one was setup strictly for posting quotes and rules excerpts etc. This particular title, The Actual Rules is, alas, not a discussion Title...but just a referance area.

This is why your great post was overlooked. By chance, I saw your post. Could I have the pleasure of explaining?

If you were to copy your GTID question or any other to one or more of our other titles...such as TR LA LA!, the discussion that focuses on GTID you would get a ton of response.

I would suggest you take a quick browse of each of the titles, open them and take a quick look at the focus of the discussion at each of the titles. We all pretty well post at all the titles. Some, like LAUNDROMAT are just for posting without feedback.

To avoid such a glitch in the future...in the next days the title here will be changed to TR INDEX to avoid confusion.

If you have any other weird problems please post to me or others at JANITOR.

Goodluck...see you at TR LA LA! I hope.

So if you are not a regular on this sight then you are ignored?

Can persons not use this site as a resource for advice?

I thought that's what it was for?

Hi Berry! Its great to hear you are having a good time! I'd love to see our SALON Cantina pick up that kind of style...TR hopped up on redbull!

Would you go and stir things up over there? : ) I'll join you!

OK. I have read all of the books mentioned on these boards and here's my question. This is in reference to GTID. She talks about passive men. Well, it has been my experience (as well as a friend of mine's) that TR do not work on passive men. They just give up. And assume we're not interested. So, if you believe in the concept of both books, TR only works for women who want to date men who are male energy only right?

this is a great help bc you have a guy who tries to go out on a date w/ you on his terms. Yet we women get sucked into what theyre saying. and before he's done talking we've already agreed to the date.

example

him: you want to go to dinner sometime?

you: when?

him: maybe on Friday night?

you: what time?

him: I'm not sure maybe after i get off work...

you:...umm im not sure thats going to work for me...

him: I get off at five, how does seven sound?

you: sure, thats sounds like a plan (smiling). I live at 521 maple street between park and brown streets.

::you have agreed to the date only after you get all the information::

spiller (i think) came up with a cute comeback at the end "what shall i wear" or something like it.

dont give them a chance...when they make the date you give them your address to pick you up. point blank. theres no negotations (re: time or pick-up).

I have had guys try to negotiate with me but i cancelled (L&B/sweet with a bit of regret). the times that i didnt cancel, the dates went awry. if he doesnt show then he gets NEXTed.

Post your question on Salon or
Bootcamp, you'll get lots of responses.

As far as men telling you they're going
to meet you somewhere, your
response should be, "Hmm, on second
thought, I think I'll pass." (Unless
these DZs in which case you should
drive yourself.) One technique is after
he's told you what day, you could say,
"Hmm, what time will you pick me up?"

O.K. so I've read the Rules, but there are still questions left unanswered. First of all, I know a Rules Girl doesn't meet a guy out on a date. But what do you say when a guy says "I'll meet you at so & so place."
I find myself hearing that a lot from men these days.

PP - Peter Pan the eternal boy

BAM - Forti's Technique of getting
specifics for a date before saying yes.

BF - Boyfriend also GF - Girlfriend

BOB - Battery Operated Boyfriend

CUAO - Creature Unlike Any Other, a
term coined in the Rules books.

DZ - Date Zero, the first time you
meet an online suitor

E&S - Ellen and Sherrie, the authors of
the Rules Books

GTID - Getting To I Do, a book by
Patricia Allen

IRL - In Real Life

ILY - I Love You

IMHO - In My Humble Opinion, also
IMO

L&B - Light and Breezy

LD - Long Distance also LDR - Long
Distance Relationship

LMD - Last-Minute Date

LOL - Laughing Out Loud

LTR - Long-term Relationship

MIA - Missing In Action

MVOAD - Mars and Venus On A Date,
a book by John Gray

OLD - On Line Dating

PBT - Pretzel Brain Twist, when you
twist your brain into a pretzel thinking
about some guy

RG - Rules Girl

RLSP - Relationship

ROFL - Rolling On Floor Laughing

ROTFLMAO - Rolling On The Floor
Laughing My Ass Off

TOTLA - The Technique of the Love
Affair, a revived book from early 20th
century by a "gentlewoman" or Doris
Langley Moore

TR - The Rules

WMLB - The book "Why Men Love
Bitches"

The following lines are from TR II,
chapter 22. Anything not in quotes is
paraphrased due to space. Ellipses
( ... ) mean that words have been left
out.

You know not to chase men but do
you know to pursue a career/interests,
to develop boundaries and self-
esteem, not to make the man center
of your life and accept his bad
behavior?

Marry for love, not just to get out of
the house or to be taken care of
financially.

Marry someone you feel passion for.
Don't marry for financial security or
you'll be miserable emotionally.

Don't marry due to social pressures or
the fear of being a spinster.

"TR are not about getting married but
about marrying Mr. Right and having a
fulfilling life of your own."

"Don't chase men."

"Create a life of your own and only
date and marry men you truly care for
who treat you well. Don't marry
believing you will change him. If he is
abusive or puts you down in any way
before marriage, it will only get
worse."

"Have you stopped caring about your
appearance--gained weight, stopped
wearing makeup, cut down on salon
visits?"

"Are you bitter about men because of
your failed marriage? Or too eager
and available (not challenging and
mysterious) when men do show
interest?"

"Do you feel hopeless about finding
love as great as your 1st husband?
Have you stopped socializing? Or
when you do go out occasionally, are
you unenthusiastic?"

"Don't let yourself go. ... Think you're
beautiful and worthwhile. ... Keep
your mind occupied with interesting
ideas, activities, people and reading
material ... don't neglect your
appearance. ... Eat right, exercise
daily, and wear pretty clothes."

Read "The Late Show" by Helen Gurley
Brown and "Bouncing Back" by Joan
Rivers.

You must socialize. "You must make
every effort to meet men. ... Try
everything: museums, church/
synagogue, vacations/cruises for your
age group, ... charity or sport such as
golf ... force yourself!" Go alone if
necessary. Appear relaxed.

"Be happy and carefree on dates. ... Be
cheerful and light. Don't let him think
you're desperate to remarry,
concerned about money, or feel lost
without a man."

"Don't call him ... but you can return
his calls." Use the 24-hour rule.

"Don't accept a LMD and don't see him
unless it's for the weekend. ... Let him
pick you up and take you to dinner."

Don't mention your children or
grandchildren and show pictures of
them ... unless he suggests it. ...
Don't ask about his children or ex-
wife. ... If he asks about your divorce,
just say the rlsp didn't work out."

"Keep it casual in the beginning and
end the date 1st. Wait until you are in
a committed rlsp--he is calling you
regularly and asking you out for
Saturday nights for several months--
to become very involved or go away
with him."

"Don't buy him expensive gifts or
pamper him. ... Don't be shy about
asking him to sign a prenup. ... If he
asks you sign a prenup, go ahead."

If you want to remarry and he doesn't:
pull back, stop seeing him for a few
wks, go an a separate vacation, give
him an ultimatum and see how he
responds.

If you don't want to remarry: "then it's
fine to live with him or go steady
forever! You can act married. So long
as he is calling you, making you feel
special--weekend dinners and flowers
on holidays--and is civil to your
children, you don't have to walk down
the aisle again."

RULESGIRL,

I'm not sure what you mean by: 'female strength and intelligence and love to say no to coolness'?

All in all, my most wished for idea, is that our men are given the greatest love of all ... which is our having boundaries and the femal strengh and intelligence and love to say no to coolness! If you don't make this boundary, another womena will and that is the woman who will be THE ONE!

(Spiller)

Dear Esther&Cherry, I love your posts...BUT...would you two sweeties mind to please pick up your discussion at another title? This one (The Actual Rules) was set up to post only an inventory of quotes etc from The Rules.

You can delete to tidy up and/or copy these great posts to another title. I would appreciate it...and since I'm here being bossy...an alternative is to head your posts here with an actual quote from The Rules (or other). Please read the intro for the concept.

Grouchy me! Thankyou both.

i Every good woman deserves a man who will swim through shark infested water just to bring her a glass of lemonaid.

"When my wife and I married we agreed that she would make all the little decisions and I would make all the big decisions. In over forty years of marriage there have been no big decisions!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN speaking on his happy marriage!

The Rules II - Closing The Deal

1. Don't tell him you're mad.

2. Don't suggset going to couples therapy.

3. Don't let a man brainwash you into thinking that marriage isn't important.

4. Don't let a man convince you that because he's been married before he can't marry you.

5. Don't let a man you have been dating for years convince yu to wait until 'things slow down at work.'

"If he says he has no plans to marry you, say 'Okay' and then never see him again."

And from Lilli's Files:

"That's why it's best to just drift away from a man when he's done something you are unhappy with. Don't say anything, just drift away gracefully, like a swan floating ever so gracefully far far out of sight on the glassy surface of a quiet lake, disappearing into the mist without leaving so much as a ripple behind. Never hand them amunition by scolding them. Just drift awaaaaay..."

I'm about to go ahead with the board repairs. The deadling VDay is approaching so I'll post the final draft today AND send it off to Thirdage.

Please take a look at JANITOR. I consolidated all the feedback and it feels like its workable. Last chance to object for this round of repairs!

I am looking forward to having this done and go back to my PBT!

Click to join cuaosupport

" I do agree that people should have the opportunity to hear all sides in deciding"

-from an online discussion group where members seemed to be divided on what content was appropriate for discussion.

"Love is flushing for eachother"

from Spiller's Child

This is JANITOR speaking!

Hello All, Each Discussion that will have a proposed edit will have the edit presented at their Discussion and this is the invitation for feedback. Please respond to the proposed edit, if you wish, at JANITOR where you can also view the entire proposal.

My goal is to reach concensus on the proposal by February 14th at midnight!

If you would like to contribute any suggestions for the board, now would be great timing!

Unless you see any screaming problems I would appreciate have less work to do and once the repairs are done we will, ofcourse continue to collect suggestiions for another round next year.

Here is the edit proposed for 07. QUOTES

The title will be changed to:

The Rules #1 to #35 PLUS!

Welcome to The Rules Support Group. Our The Rules#1 to #35 PLUS! Discussion is a place to POST ONLY! Throughout The Rules books there are the original numbered Rules but also several other short lists. For example, 12 extra hints (The Rules, page 169) has 12 items. There are also a zillion individual sentences such as 'If you have chased men your whole life, you can consider it progress if you stop writing love letters but call them once in awhile.' Let's collect these here!

We also welcome quotes from other Authors, Poets, Historians, Song Lyrics, Prayers and Proverbs, Mottos, Mantras, Jokes, Excerpts from the 6 o'clock News, Saints, Grandmothers, Out of the Mouths of Babes...

Please credit the author.

"A genuine Melanie would probably say, "Oh, it's really nothing".

Carrie:

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous

An episode of "The Brady Bunch":

(Rules Girl Marcia is on the phone; a boy is asking her out for Saturday (she's busy)

Marcia : (very casually & softly, after he persists for Saturday). "I think you're real groovy, but I already have a date for Saturday night." (of course he asks her out for another night)

Marcia: "Cindy, you don't ASK a boy to call you; you GET him to call you!"

(For more Marcia advice on boys, check out Maureen McCormick's website, "Maureen's Corner", there is a dating advice section of "Tiger Beat" magazine from around 1970. She gives advice on "How To Be Popular (with boys)" and describes CUAO behavior: how to act poised, friendly but not over-eager, and what to say on dates.

"Less is more". (meaning that you should be more subtle. honest but mysterious)

"This too shall pass". (the sad times never last long, but neither do the really happy times. Live for today!)

Don't fret; it will happen differently anyway!

Never make someone a priority, who is keeping you an option. -- Anonymous

I've posted this before a long time ago but int never gets old. It's from a webpage about courtly love.

"The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized"

I will be mysterious and elusive

I will always be positive and look for the good in everything.

I will always be happy busy and nice.

I will not grovel or be desperate and anxious.

I will not get jealous.

I will smile at the universe

I will not feel the need to fill in silences on a date. He will fall in love with my essence - I am enough!

I will not settle or chase anyone.

I will be femine and never loud and never swear (around men)

I will never call

I will end phone calls first "gotta go i have a million thing's to do"

I am enough.

I will graciously and quitetly leave any situation that does not serve me well.

Any question i feel too personal i will respond with "why do you ask" or smile and change the subject.

I will never let a man know i am not dating anyone else.

I will be a CUAO

I will practice practice Parctice !!!