TR Online

I have posted on profiles. I am 44 years old and have been seeing a 43 year old man for 2.8 years. I knew somewhay about the rules when we met, he noticed me, asked his friend for my number and called me. Things have been going very slow and I have had the intentions talk with him. I can see this will or is probably going nowhere. We don't even talk daily, maybe two times/week and he sees me on Saturdays as his second job is closer to me than his home. Also it is really about every other weekend. I have made the mistake of getting minorly emotional during these times when it is obvious he does not want to see me. I want to be happy but I am finding it difficult to break it off. I was alone for 7 years before I met him and the thought of going through that again is part of the difficulty.

Anyway, I would (and have in the past) like to date others but am not sure how to handle this. Do I break it off "this isn't working for me" or do I just date others and be unavailable? How do you handle the sex thing? If I just date others without breaking it off, obviously there will be no sex.

I do have the books but I lent them to someone and do not have them back yet.

Any guidance on how to handle this would help. Thank you all, I do enjoy reading these boards so much.

Hello everyone! I am new to TR Online and wanted to get the consensus of those who have tried niche dating sites. I am interested in meeting men in uniform / military and wondered which ones were worth a try, in terms of traffic volume, unique features etc. Thanks!

Hello,
How are you? I saw your profile today at http:(www.thirdage.com)and feel like contacting you.I feel we may become matches(liliankuru@yahoo.com) is my contact. Kindly make a contact if you are interested, so that i can send you my picture for you to know who iam meanwhile my name is Lilian. I will appreciate it if you give a good responds.Thanks and remain blessed.
(Remember the distance,color or age does not matter but love matters alot in life)

Hi there,
Well for some reason or other 2008 has been a complete wake up call for me. Needless to say it has not been tearless nor chocolate free either.
Yes, I am at that stage in my life where it seems EVERYONE is dating someone/married and loved up and I have been accepted by all my loved ones as the "happy single one". The one that doesn't require a plus one when invited weddings! Grrr.
I just don't know how I have got to this place in my life where I am still not finding dates even. I am 27, people say I'm attractive and witty and guess what there are zero men interested in me?! I am not telling a lie when I say I have not had a single opportunity for 5 years at least!
So I'm trying to assess myself. On the exterior I am confident, run my own business and am very sociable. On the inside I am so shy and actually am in disbelief if a man likes me. It all goes back to being at school and boys teasing me and asking me out for a joke! How cruel but for some insane reason that feeling of insecurity has stuck with me. I am the proverbial swan. Calm and serene on the surface but under the surface of the water I am paddling like crazy to keep afloat of the situation.
So step one, I have bought TR. Step 2 I have read it. Step 3 I have joined OLD too. So now it brings me to this forum as I need the help and support from others as I have NOoooo single friends and they just don't understand.
Today, I am taking time out to buy a new lippy and spend some time on me. Wish me luck!
Belle x

If you're looking for the good threads from the old ThirdAge TR Forum, we're here...COME JOIN US!!!

http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=108392

I received the document too, via
Summerbreeze. Thanks Summerbreeze !
Thanks Special !

I'm glad you got the document! Hope you enjoy it!

Special

Thanks special for the document I'll put up on wheretogo site.
I don't want to get into arguments, I'm not a TR purist either, usually mix it with WMLB and some lillie files. But there are boundaries in TR that we decide ourselves eg how long to wait to have sex. I didn't get the impression you were forcing email to phone special just simply putting your own personal safety first, which is the underlying reason for TR itself. I didn't find your experience confusing, simply your preference of dealing with OLD.

Oops Texp I think you misunderstand - This is not a bootcamp thread

Advice here is given freely with love and support. Also
b Special
clearly stated that it was not TR as written but her personal opinion based on her experience. Based on the knowledge that she met and married her husband via OLD I think this may qualify her with credible experience.

There is absolutely no need to start this type of criticism again.

Here we go again...

Stay out of Bootcamp with that kind of advice, Special. It's against TR and confusing women trying to do TR.

TR for OLD say it's perfectly fine to accept a DZ OR ANY OTHER DATE FOR THAT MATTER! via email, carrier pigeon, pony express, phone or in person AS LONG AS IT FOLLOWS TR.

I had a DZ last week set up this way and another one this week. My DZ from last week has asked for a D1. TR work, AS WRITTEN.

Honestly, why you feel the need to try and sneak back in here with your b.s. is beyond me. We may be too busy to post as often as we used to, but we are certainly awake.

The Rules work as written. Please ignore Special's 'extra' and against-the-rules advice, ESPECIALLY IN BOOTCAMP.

TexP.

Would someone kindly send this document as well please dgs@where2go.co.cc I'll put on dgs meetup website if that's ok with people and if there are no copyright issues. THANK YOU!

Hi there! Someonoe (I think maybe
b Bluesky?)
asked about the "What To Say When" document. If you post your email I will send it along to you.

b Hi Browneyes!
Can I give you some feedback?

In all my 6 years online dating experience, I have never had a successful date zero, resulting from being scheduled online; they all resulted in being stood up. Because of this, I advise against accepting dates via the computer, even if you use Forti's technique.

I may get into trouble because I am writing about this and it isn't in the TROLD book. Sorry! :-) As big of a fan as I am, I believe Shellen left out a few important things when they wrote TROLD.

Ladies, there is a safety factor to hearing his voice first on the phone. We women can be very intuitive when things don't feel quite right. I corresponded with a man once who was Prince Charming over the email. But as soon as we got to the phone, he decided to ask me sexual questions which made me very uncomfortable. It is good that I never accepted any date with him via online because I would have possibly gotten myself into a bad situation.

After I wised up, whenever men asked me out via online, I responded: "Sorry, but I don't accept dates via the computer." Men DID respect this for the most part and got the hint here that they needed to phone me. The only situations I accepted dates in were face-to-face (ideally) or on the phone.

I'm not perfect but I have quite a bit of OLD experience and am now married to a man I met through OLD.

Another safety factor:
DO be wary of someone who is vague, talks in circles or answers questions with other questions. These kinds of red flags reveal themselves a LOT more easily on the phone during an on-the-spot conversation, than they do over email.

Well I better hit the hay soon or else I will be a zombie at church tomorrow.

Love,

Special

Hi Bluesky,

Yes, I agree. Meeting someone once is worthwhile. His "net presence" seems good thus far. Actually, it's not that far fetched to ask someone out online. Email is just so super easy to use these days. I don't have to reply ASAP but it is easy.

He did suggest drinks and I will do the "Sure, when were you thinking?" bit. We'll have to see where it goes from there.

I am going to speed dating on Tuesday night so that's out anyway.

I'll up date you guys later.

Thanks for the advice.

Online guy asked me for a drink. We have been talking for a little bit online (only about three messages, then I disappeared for a few days and I get this message).

I got the OLD messages sent to my email so they can't see if I just look at the first part and don't open them. But the guy got right to the point fast so I didn't have to open it. (yeah! finally!)

Do I HAVE to say "Id rather talk on the phone first" or should I say "What day are you thinking"?

I suppose he could be a putz. We would meet in a public place for "drinks" (his suggestion).

Any thoughts? I will reply to him Sunday afternoon. (going to a "lock and key" even tonight (Ha! I love it))

Hi bluesky some of us have got together a website at: www.where2go.co.cc there are a few ideas and resources on there as a few of us were struggling on where to go.
There are also TR meetups in London where a few TRs have met up for nights out. I think I'm the only north UK on the boards so I've only been to one. Anyway food for thought...

Summerbreeze - thanks for the Ceroc
link ! I had found out about a place to
do Ceroc in my city through a club I
belong to... and the Ceroc web site
confirms more details about it. I hope
to try it this coming Thursday.
Someone I know has already tried
Ceroc there and thought it was fun. I
have done a lot of ballroom and I love
to dance. This will be a new dance to
try, and perhaps new people to meet.

About walking my dog, I have been
walking my dog in a few areas for 3
years and I thought I might meet guys
that way, but it's mostly women that
walk their dogs and for the men that
are out dog walking (and going by the
"don't talk to men first" Rule), I don't
usually get more than a "Hi" from
guys, if anything at all. I could try to
walk my dog in more than my usual,
favourite places. I sometimes put on
makeup and try to look nice for even a
dog walk, then end up thinking
afterwards "Why did I bother?" ... or
it's on the days that I barely slap on a
bit of makeup that I run into cute guys
on their bikes (but they're usually too
young or too old anyway). LOL ! Oh
well.

Actually, since I set my own schedule,
I have probably been walking my dog
mostly weekdays during the day, so I
guess
that's not the best time to meet
potential guys. I could try doing more
evenings or weekends.

I am in UK as well as
b Summerbreeze.
I go to Rueda - it is so much fun and shifting round gets you talking to everyone.

Like
b Special
says - I did not have an awful lot ofluck with OLD but I did have a lot of first dates which helped me to hone in my husband sun. Now I am dating a man that fits every ray so far!

Walking your dog could be a good place to meet people - I used to take mine to obedience and agility classes. Also just walking in the park, people are far more likely to talk to you with your dog than if you are alone.

Hi Bluesky, I'm UK and trying out Ceroc at the moment. Been 3 times so far and last night I did not want to go but went anyway and had a nice time. Don't know where you live but there is nationwide website at: www.ceroc.com you can search for classes in your area.
I'm not a huge fan of OLD but I sign up for short memberships here and there.
Hi special, nice to see you about again.

Wow!!! I'm so proud of your rulesy behavior and clever responses. Keep it up! And continue dating others.

Love you!

Special

I just recently got back into online
dating. I have found it quite
disappointing, too.

I have been on eHarmony, which has
been a complete bust. I got a flurry of
responses initially and that has dried
up to .... none. Not one turned into any
date zeros. I have been on a few other
sites. I got what seemed the most
promising group of responses from CraigsList, but again, it turned into
only about 3 guys calling me... once...
and only one actual date zero... and I
didn't care that he did not contact me
again, since he wasn't a guy I would
want to know.

I keep getting compliments on my
profile and how I look, so I don't know
what else I can do. When I try to go to
events, I hardly ever run into guys that
are my type and even the guys that are
there certainly don't approach me or
ask for my number.

I have asked people I know to set me
up, but they never know of anyone.

Maybe I'll try speed dating again, but
the last two times I tried it, I was
disappointed with that too... and
pretty much every guy's first question
for me was "What do you do ?". That is
a complete turnoff for me, sort of like
saying "What is your income?"

Hi

Hot or Not was fun - massive ego boost but not much coming through in UK.

To be honest I did not have a lot of success with OLD - only one guy passed 4 dates in 3 years and he poofed after 4 months.

I have had much more success by introductions from friends and meeting people in activity settings (I met my current bf of 10 months at salsa dancing)

Hi lindabeam sorry you are suffering from the usual OLD pains.
I've just cancelled my account with datingdirect, typically I got an email from a lobster. I am paid up till the end of the month yet they have completely froze me out of the site so I can't read the email. Customer service is very poor on this site, I don't recommend it at all. :-(

Finally got a few e-mails. Duds.

Guy #1 wrote about 5 words: "An urban nomad? Me too."

Thank you for sharing. Delete.

Guy #2 sent the perfect e-mail, like you look great, I'd love to go out with you, here's my phone number.

Checking his profile, I recognized him as the first guy who tried to contact me last time I was OLD. If I recall correctly, he kept trying to call during the day when I was at work and kept trying to get me to call him. I don't think we ever connected. Engineering instructor, seems interesting--but much of his profile describes his fascination with erotic touch. I think I'll pass.

Hmmmph. Week 2 and this is getting a little old already. Dating is hell when you have standards. Too bad it's even more hell when you don't have standards.

OLD - On Line Dating

I think you are doing exactly the right thing planning other DZs. Talk is cheap and until he actually gets on that plane every Friday it really means nothing.

I alwaysuse the rule of thumb that a man does not exist until you have had 4 dates because so many men poof before that. If they get past 4 dates then they are obviously interested and dating material. It is then time to start evaluating whether he could be a compatible match. Anything up to 4 dates is just fun!

Have you done a Husband Sun? Check out on the archived Engaged thread around post number 9.

I have often dated men in the military (both british and american).
b Special
is so right with the downside but the positive is that they are very special people. I love the confidence and that certain something extra it gives them.

My bf is ex-RAF so I have all the positives and none of the negatives, a perk of getting older!

Thank you linda and ladylondon refreshed attitude is exactly what I need. Very observant about OLD not working as well in Summer. Last date I had from OLD was February (very wintery)
I've been filling my diary up with a few social things here and there so we'll see.
Ladylondon so sorry about your family bereavement. It's a difficult time, but I'm glad you're still around and feeling better.(((hugs dgs)))

I'm singed up with yahoo OLD for one month. I figured I would try it and see what happens. I've had many "looks" and lots of emails, but most of the responses were super lame like "winks" and "you're profile stood out from the others". Here in "smallish town couples land" it always helps to have a date. I try to stay away from November through mid January because there are guys looking for a holiday date so they don't have to be alone.

I'll try it through July and then probably stop for August when school starts up again. Maybe give it a shot again in September.

Catinthehat
What you did sounds perfect! I like how you laughed when he called. Its adorable when you can do that naturally.

Hey Summerbreeze

Over on the WorldXing site people have noted that summer is THE slowest time for OLD - this is exactly what I found.

I joined a site back in mid-Jan and got absolutely bombarded with men pestering for and following through on some pretty impressive dates (none of them my type though).

Took a 3 month break due to family illness and bereavement during April, May and June (removed my profile completely), re-registered start of July with a new profile; the responses were so lame that despite having paid for one month's membership I de-registered after a week!

I think during summer men are busy outdoors of an evening and weekend. Only when the cold, dark nights set in do their brains register that they'd quite like a nice woman to keep them company!

Like you I was feeling pretty down in the dumps about the lameo responses (thinking there was something wrong with me) but just remember that it's summer so we should be getting out and about; go where the men go!

Another thing I noticed is that of the 11 men I dated from the one site (from mid-Jan to mid-March), 8 of them are still on there.

This either goes to show they too are persevering with OLD in the hope of meeting someone fabulous OR they are just out for fun...

I think I'm going to join a dating agency as I was shocked my how little I had in common with most of the men I met (apart from 2, who just weren't BF material, sigh...)

Ok, I'm very confused on what to do. I'm in the process of setting up a few date zeros, but it never fails, they always ask me, you let me know when you're available. I'm very unsure of the rules way to go about this. help!

Well you are right on target!
Military Man txt on the 4th, Sent a photo on the 5th(I didnt respond) , and called on the 6th. I answered and said ,"Hello how are you?" and he said, "wow she finally takes one of my calls" I laughed and said, "of course, I would love to talk but I have to go, I have company and I don't want to be rude, talk to you later?" He said , "sure" and I got off the phone....pretty good huh?:)

Bluesky- I am glad that it is working for you! Good luck!

Cat- I would not say, "Well hello stranger." if he calls. That is a passive way of saying, "Gee, you haven't called me in a long time," and as rulesgirls we don't want to even let on that we notice something like this. It should be HIM missing YOU. HIM realizing the long lapses of time that goes by without contact. You don't notice that at all. Goodness, you are so busy dating other men and doing other things, you don't even notice.

Hi Lindabeam, same here. I'm on dating direct, which expires soon. I joined POF too but just hid my profile cause I'm so sick of the lamos.
I'm feeling hopeless again about my dating life. There are a few places I can go to, evening classes, groups etc but I just get to this point of inertia with it, like what's the point, I've been doing this 3 years and never met anyone. Self-defeating I know. I don't know how to get out of it, or even if I just go with it and stay around the house until I feel "ready for battle" again. :-(

Hi, all! Hope your dating lives are fab these days!

I just signed up for a 3-month gig on match after being really inactive about dating since last year. (Had ZERO luck on several other dating sites, got bored with lame-o lobsters who couldn't figure out how to ask for a proper date.)

In a few days, I've gotten a bunch of winks .... yawn. Planning to log in tomorrow or Monday and check things out.

Hi Special ! (I felt like changing my
screen name, but it's still me... L...)

Wow, what a neat story about your
parents !

About the guy whose friend answered
my ad, another Rules gal suggested
the same sort of thing just before you
did (thanks!), i.e. to email the friend
and say the guy could contact me
directly... so I did that a few days ago.
The friend passed along my email
address to the guy and said he sure
hoped he would get in touch with me
soon. So.... a couple days later, the
guy DID email me... then I emailed him
back, then he emailed me again and
asked if I'd like to meet for coffee. I'll
reply again (sure!), but not before
Sunday, since
that will be over a weekend.

I guess it's time to get busy and also
perhaps accept the offer to meet for
lunch from another guy who I'm not as
sure I'd like to meet, for a couple of
reasons. I tend to focus way too easily
on one guy, especially if he seems
promising or I can relate to him.

That's what I need Special....a man who "treats me like gold".

I'm not so sure how to find him though.

How goes it? I didn't mean to convey that shy men go against the TR grain. To be more specific, I would say that it is moreso an "inability and/or unwillingness to pursue" that falls into the "TR un-worthy" spectrum. My dad is a very shy man and he was a very shy young man when he met my mom. But boy did he pursue her. She unknowingly did TR on him and continued to turn down his date offers because she felt that he was too quiet for her but he did not give up. Finally she said yes and they ended up getting married. They have now been married for I think 45(?) years. He still treats her like gold.

I looked today (but did not open) an email that he sent me. I did come to the realization that this could potentailly just be him emailing for "fun" and turn into nothing. Still, I would like to do it right. I thought about a question but I'm always afraid that it will encourage a lobster to keep going and not get the hint that we need to meet in person.

Another question: Tommorow is the 4th of July. If he emailed me back TODAY and tommorow is a holiday and there is a weekend invovled, do I wait until Sunday to reply? I guess if I get 2 more meandering emails about the wx and life in general, then it might give me a clue. And I will be asleep for part of the day tommorow and gone for the other part. So perhaps I will truly be out of touch this weekend.

So, what is the rule on this one?

((HI Special!))

Shy men go against the grain of tr. they are less likely to pursue.