It’s not always cut-and-dried discerning what kind of relationship you’re in. Don’t be fooled by superficial romantic trappings, like whether or not he brings you flowers or opens doors for you or pulls out your chair. Of course, you know whether or not this man can make your heart throb, or your lady parts tingle. Men, it should be said, tend to demonstrate their affection differently. Some men are huggers; many more are not. Some men touch or hug only when they think they might get sex. On the other hand, a large number of men will have enthusiastic sex and feel moderately romantic toward whatever woman they’re monogamously dating. These are pragmatic men who subscribe to the theory of “Love the one you’re with.”
Should you keep dating someone you’re fond of, but not in love with? That depends. If you enjoy his company and don’t feel you’ll meet someone better, why not? Are your feelings reciprocal? As a couple, are you more or less on the same page? Or do you feel badly he’s apparently head over heels in love with you, when you don’t feel the same way?
It’s easy to get caught up in wanting to define your relationship, to label it love or friendship. The burden of youth is that a woman can waste a lot of time on her biological clock dating a man who will never father her children. The joy of middle-aged dating is that there’s no baby-making imperative. As long as you sincerely care about each other and enjoy each other’s company, that’s compelling enough of a reason to keep seeing him.
Eve Marx is the author of eight sex books. Her titles include "What's Your Sexual IQ?," "Flirtspeak: The Sexy Language of Flirtation," "The Goddess Orgasm," and "101 Things You Didnt Know About Sex."
