Expert Advice: Don't Take It Personally

QUESTION: It seems everyone tells me, "Don't take it personally." But what should I take personally? I mean, do I only take the good things personally but disregard the bad? Maybe I'm too cut and dry, but this one has confused me for a long time now.

ANSWER: Most everything others do, think, and feel -- be it good or bad -- is not about you. When someone reacts to your actions or life circumstances, they are reacting out of their own upbringing, their mood, their state of mind, etc. -- none of this is about you, and therefore none of this is personal.

Rarely (but this does happen) is someone genuinely reacting or acting because of something you have said or done. The way to know if you should take something personally -- whether to take blame or credit for something -- is to ask both the person and yourself if you had anything to do with the situation.

The other person may not always know the answer to this. You may not always know either, but asking yourself and them should give you a good idea of whether to take something personally or not. Then, if you decide that the situation is indeed about you, pat yourself on the back if you did something good. If you did something hurtful, take note of your actions so you can act differently next time.

Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. For more information about Coach Rinatta Paries and the myriad of services she has created for singles, visit her Web site, WhatItTakes.com.