I'm dating a man who talks about himself and his past a lot and doesn't listen to the day-to-day issues in my life. How do I get him to be more involved in who I am? --A.
Dear A.,
The need to be listened to is universal: being heard means being appreciated and taken seriously. However, the popular literature of the past few years tells us that men and women communicate and listen differently.
Your man friend probably engages in "report talk" with a focus on the facts. The purpose of his communication may often be to maintain his status or preserve his independence. As a woman, you most likely seek relationship and connection and practice "rapport talk" with a tendency to please. It's been said that men build towers and women build webs.
First, watch for signs to determine whether you're adequately listening to each other. Each of you may not be listening to the other when you:
No matter how you each go about communication, you have the same goals: to be heard and understood. To help you reach these goals, try this listening game for fun -- he'll possibly enjoy it and you'll both learn something. You'll also build understanding and appreciation for each of your positions and improve your listening skills.
