Finding Love at the Watercooler

First you get assigned to work with her on that major project. Then you run into her at happy hour at the bar down the street. Then you see her at the grocery store, only to discover you live two blocks away from each other.

If romance begins to blossom in your workplace, you are not alone. About half of workers say they have dated a co-worker, according to a 2006 CareerBuilder.com survey.

And in some of today's workplaces, that might just be OK.

"We say the office has really become the village of the 21st century," said Helaine Olen, co-author of "Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding and Managing Romance on the Job." "It's where we spend most of our time."

If it's any indication of society's acceptance of office romances, 37 percent surveyed in the CareerBuilder.com poll said they felt the need to keep their relationship a secret. That's down from 46 percent the year before.

There are always things to consider before you approach an an office mate for a date, however.

Sexual harassment claims, employee conflict after a break-up and lower productivity were just some of the concerns that human resource professionals and employees mentioned in a 2006 Human Resource Management and CareerJournal.com workplace romance poll.

"You have to be very careful when these situations arise," said Charles Little, president and chief executive officer of Columbus-based Strategic HR Partners, a non-profit employers' association offering HR services.

When It Works
Olen and Stephanie Losee, co-author of "Office Mate," both met their husbands at work.

The two New York- and San Francisco-based journalists, respectively, said because people spend so much time at the office, co-workers come to know us very well -- in some cases, even better than our families.

"As a result, these relationships become very deep," Olen said.

The office, she said, lends itself to old-fashioned courting -- it's a slow process in which you really get to know the person.

About five years ago, when Sylvia Duncan, known then as Sylvia Voorhees, met future husband Randy Duncan at work, it was not exactly love at first sight.

"I thought he was a nice person, but I just really wasn't interested in that way," said Sylvia, a Columbus State University employment manager in human resources at the time.

For the next two years, she and Randy, a library assistant at the university, would go to lunch together every four to five months.

Then one day, lunch turned into dinner, and Sylvia got the chance to learn more about him.

The two -- both in their 40s -- began dating but "weren't really publicizing it," Sylvia said. Six months later, they were married.

But they didn't tell co-workers until after the wedding bells. Duncan said they received mixed reactions. Some were happy for the couple.

"Other people felt deceived because the didn't even know we were dating," she said.

It's been almost three years since they wed.

Since then, her husband was recruited by Fort Valley State University and now works there as a library associate.

"I had some concerns about us both working for the same place," she said. "Let's say something happens to the place. Then your whole income is gone. There's a little more security with people working in different places."

Olen said its fine if you don't feel the desire to fill co-workers in on every little detail about your relationship.

Losee offered a warning, though.

"In their attempt to have some privacy and not confide in office friends ... they pull away from the office gang," she said. "You met this person at work, but you conduct your relationship outside of work. And what you do with your office gang should stay the same."

Common Interests
In a workplace setting, Losee said, you've been drawn to the same industry and same company.

"You have that neighborhood feeling," Losee said. "You are drawn together by a lot of commonalities."

But before you jump into a relationship with an office mate, Olen said you should look into each others' interests a little deeper.

"Make sure you have more than the office in common," she said.

For Jimmy and Barbara Craven, common interests -- among other things -- was what attracted and kept the couple together for 38 years.

The two met in 1969 when Jimmy was a math teacher at Hardaway High School and Barbara had just been hired as a Spanish teacher.

"The fact that we were both educators and both loved working with young people has sustained us," Barbara Motos said.

The two also share a love for theater and volunteering for local productions, such as the Miss Georgia Pageant and Springer Opera House shows.

During the one year they worked at Hardaway together -- Jimmy later moved on the work in school administration -- the two hardly saw each other during the day. And that was fine by them.

"We made it a point never to fraternize during the school day," Barbara Motos said. "We felt it was important to be professional ... It was just very important to us to set a good example for the students."

When it comes to interacting with a romantic interest at the workplace, Olen said going to lunch and talking to them during the work day is fine.

"But mooning over their desk is not okay," she said.

And stay away from e-mailing or instant messaging your significant other, Losee said.

"E-mail is company property," Losee said. "Do not conduct any part of your romance through e-mail."

Unhappy Endings
Office romances, of course, don't always result in a happy ending. In the SHRM/CareerJournal.com survey, 72 percent of HR professionals reported their organizations did not have formal written or verbal policies that touched on office relationships. That could leave the door open for anything.

"If you have a situation that involves a superior and subordinates, if things were to go wrong, that could lead to a sexual harassment charge," Little said. CareerBuilder's survey found 21 percent of workers said they have dated their boss -- up 14 percent from 2005. About 40 percent said they have dated someone with a higher position in their organization.

"That is the one part of office romance that people are looking at less and less favorably," Olen said. "People really don't like it and it's obvious why."

A situation could arise where there's favoritism shown towards one employee over another, Little said.

That promotion from office assistant to office manager, for example, may get people talking, or worse, filing a charge, Little said.

Olen said its not really recommended unless you see true love -- marriage, children, a mortgage or retiring together, for example.

And if a relationship falls apart, you still have to face the ex at work the next day -- or not. Ten percent of workers said their relationships in the workplace drove them to leave their job, according to the CareerBuilder.com survey.

Even though Duncan met her husband at work, she isn't certain that it's the best place to meet your significant other.

"It was for me. But I don't know if that's the place you should go looking for a spouse," Duncan said. "Relationships are emotional. It's good if it works out. If it doesn't, it could be a problem. But it worked for me."

Source: Columbus Ledger-Enquirer, Ga. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services. Powered by YellowBrix.