How to Get Men to Approach You

Want to know a secret to attracting a wonderful man, ladies? Be seen in public in a joyful mood. It sounds simple, doesn't it? But many single women have trouble attaining such a playful mood in public, and accomplishing it takes self-mastery and focused intent -- which will immediately put you in a category apart from all others. A happy and spontaneous woman who's obviously in a leisure moment, and not too occupied to pay attention to social overtures, is much more likely to receive attention than a woman who's rushing somewhere on a vital mission, head bowed in anxiety, face stiff with the fear of an unwanted approach. And most single women in public act as though they want to avoid what they actually wish would happen: that a man of Robert Redford-like charm would make intriguing small talk with them. Feeling confident in public places widens the range of eligible men to whom a single woman will be exposed. And it lessens the chances of being approached by the truly predatory, who are more interested in the wounded, fearful, and anxious. Easier said than done? Nonsense. First, identify a public place and turn it into your personal parlor. Find a place where you feel comfortable visiting with friends, eating a meal, or having a cappuccino and reading the paper . . . alone. Get to know the staff and management, and become a recognized and welcome customer.This need not be a bar. But it does need to:
  • Be within easy walking distance from your home
  • Be open as many hours a day as possible
  • Have a social atmosphere congenial to you
  • Have a friendly service staff
  • Offer comfortable chairs where your feet reach the floor
  • Have lighting soft enough to enhance your skin and strong enough to read by
  • It may be a cybercafe, or a neighborhood bar and grill that serves breakfast on the weekends, or a place where you can drop in for a double espresso and read the paper after Sunday grocery shopping. Perhaps it's a favorite restaurant where you can eat a snack or a full meal, depending on your mood.

    Consciously make this place your hangout.Make this comfortable spot the place you have lunch with your girlfriend once a week, entertain clients, or meet new acquaintances for a drink or coffee.

    Get to know the names of the service staff, and tip well, so that when you show up everyone recognizes you -- and they'll always note when you're talking to someone new. Become a favorite customer. In particular, get to know the bartenders and hostesses in such places because they are like the captains of the ship and watch everyone who comes and goes. You'll never fear being approached by a weird stranger once you feel surrounded by friends.

    Although you can start frequenting such a place with someone else, make sure you also show up regularly by yourself. If you're going to be seen with friends, make sure they are a delight, so that you laugh and smile frequently. If alone, make sure you look around you frequently and make eye contact with someone occasionally. If you cultivate the right place, it will feel like a home away from home. And you will notice who comes and goes. Feel free to relax and be receptive to eye contact and smiles from people you don't know . . . yet. Why not? You've created your own safe, public parlor. Certainly, at first you'll probably have to consciously create the circumstances in which to relax in public. Then, you can expand and similarly create other public spaces in which you feel "at home" enough to receive attention from men. Say, you branch out to a local bistro where you can listen comfortably to jazz music on a Saturday evening. Remember, you're in charge, not the space, not the people around you. When you do this, your face will relax enough to invite an approach from a man who is assertive enough to make a small overture, and healthy enough to choose a confident woman with whom to do so. I recommend that any single woman who wants to meet more men practice the discipline of socializing where she can give and receive mild flirtations without endangering herself or feeling anxiety. Think of it as a discipline, like meditating in public. Walk that razor's edge of being both relaxed and alert to the world around you, and you will never feel dis-empowered in a social situation. The end result? You'll meet a lot more of the kind of men you want to meet.
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    Source: Relationships & Love

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