For decades, it's women who have been associated with the fairytale of Prince Charming carrying them off to an enchanted land of eternal bliss. But are today's men yearning for
Princess Charming to come along and create the ideal, passion-filled, happily-ever-after?
"I want to be out-of-breath, weak-in-the-knees, sweaty-palms in love," remarks Keith, a 53-year-old man who divorced after 26 years of uninspiring marriage. "Maybe it's a pipe dream that will never happen, but it's one of my goals."
Other men have echoed similar sentiments, and seek that instant connection reminiscent of a classic romance movie. "I generally know in the first five minutes whether I want to pursue a woman or ask her out," states Bryan. "After about 15 minutes, I get a sense of whether she's someone I can spend several hours with on a first date."
While many are quick to spurn the notion of the fairy tale romance, psychologists have attempted to explain its profound effect on how a mate is pursued, and on the hunger to be rescued and whisked away.
"If we want to understand love," writes Robert J. Sternberg, a professor of psychology at Yale University, "we have to understand the stories that dictate our beliefs and expectations of love."
"These stories, which we start to write as children," he continues, "predict the patterns of our romantic experiences." While women have buried their hearts in romance stories, beginning with Cinderella, men have stared at flawlessly beautiful women who grace the pages of magazines like Esquire and Playboy, which are frequently filled with stories about men who have such women quickly fall madly in love (and in lust) with them. Like the hero in a good romance novel who enraptures the female reader, it's hard for the male psyche not to be convinced that a similar spontaneous encounter could occur. Combining this with a childhood where a man's mother may have catered to his deepest needs, it's not difficult to see why a man would believe that he can find a beautiful, flawless partner who'll be the ultimate vision of his desires. It's also likely that those beliefs are not only learned, they may be genetic. "The classic answer is that men want youth and beauty," says Dr. Robert Esptein, editor of Psychology Today. "The biggest myths are the ones we get from the fairy tales," he points out; tales that make love seem like "a magical, mystical thing over which we have no control." While Epstein is quick to dispel these myths, it does little to deter the overwhelming popular notion of finding "The One" who will make a man whole, happy and complete.
Falling in love, however, is not a silly or unrealistic ambition. It's thinking of love as a man's salvation that may not be a healthy behavior. The inherent flaw with such a belief is that the happiness of these men is based solely on something outside of themselves. While a few may be lucky enough to find a soul-saving mate, when reality sets in, the fantasy -- and the romance -- are likely to fade. Relationships not based on emotional intimacy are likely to break apart, compelling men who want to be saved to chase yet another fantasy relationship and begin the cycle all over again. Sadly, such pursuits rarely have a fairy tale ending. "The problem," says Steven Carter, author of the book He's Scared, She's Scared (Dell, 1995), "is that if you follow your fantasies, you can end up leading a very confusing and unfulfilling life." GinaMaria Jerome is a writer, consultant and trainer. Her latest book is entitled, The Portable Pocket People Meeter: 50 Ways to Meet, Greet, and Communicate.
Source: Relationships & Love
