You’ve been on a few dates and you think you met the man (or woman) of your dreams. The first meet was electric; the energy between you was sizzling. The second date was nice, too; you had plenty to talk about and the chemistry was obviously there. The third date you kissed a little, and that’s when things began going downhill. Or maybe he or she said something that sent up a red flag of warning. Or you observed something about this person that seriously turned you off. A fourth date is not in the cards. How do you express this?
There are several ways to nicely tell someone you hope they will get lost, but if you’re new to online dating, you may not know the etiquette. The following are tried and true ways to let the other person know you no longer want to see/hear from them that won’t invoke tears or anger.
Be straightforward, but be kind. It’s undeniably harder to tell someone you don’t want to see them again after you’ve had a few dates, but as in all dating situations, honesty is the best policy. Be honest. Say you’re not feeling the chemistry. Say you don’t think you have enough in common, that you don’t see any future in the relationship. Don’t put down, blame, or insult the other person. They already know their faults. You don’t have to remind them.
Let them know that you’re still meeting and dating other people. For many people, this is enough. Usually when there’s a lot of interest and chemistry, people agree to take themselves off the market to test out having an exclusive relationship after just a few good dates.
Admit you made a mistake, but you want to correct it. Sometimes it takes several dates to decide whether or not you want to keep seeing someone. If because of work or other family commitments, the dates are very spread out, it can take months! Fess up that you’re no longer interested and you’d like to say your goodbyes.
Don’t say you want to be friends. Generally speaking, people do not date on the internet because they’re looking for friends. It’s love, romance, sex, a physical relationship they’re after. Telling someone you hope you will be friends sounds nice but is unnecessary. In some cases it’s downright insulting. Don’t do it!
Some people just won’t take no for an answer, even if they’ve been shown the door. When you’re truly done with someone, don’t text them, don’t answer their texts, don’t behave in a way that indicates that you’re still interested. Also don’t waste your time second guessing what went wrong. There are plenty of fish in the sea of singles. To some degree, it’s just a numbers game. Keep dating.
Eve Marx is the author of eight sex books. Her titles include "What's Your Sexual IQ?," "Flirtspeak: The Sexy Language of Flirtation," "The Goddess Orgasm," and "101 Things You Didnt Know About Sex."
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