Is It OK for Women to Approach Men?

Recently a woman wrote in and asked, "Do you think it's OK for a woman to approach a man she doesn't know? If so, what should she say to catch his attention?"

She added, "I'm a Catholic school girl who was taught never to be forthcoming, and I feel that starting a conversation would be a turnoff to a man. I'm single at 54 (after a long-term marriage), attractive and financially independent, but I'm so shy that I haven't ventured out yet at all, and am at a loss for how to begin. The bar/singles scene is not for me. What do you think?"

If women want to improve their chances of meeting men, they need to implement the four "A's."

• Attitude: Mark Victor Hansen, the co-creator of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series, says, "Incorporate a positive, joyful attitude and you'll have positive, joyful people enter your life." Plus, with a positive attitude, your confidence will soar.
  
  

• Availability: To meet new people, you've got to be available. That means being willing to open your heart and mind to new experiences and to allow new people to enter your previously guarded territory.
  
  
• Approachability: This simply means smile, be warm and be friendly. Make it easy and inviting for a man -- who might also be shy -- to approach you.
  
  
• Assertiveness: For single women, it's not only OK to approach a man, it's wise (because it increases your chances of meeting potential mates).

When the opportunity does present itself, women should take advantage of it without being too aggressive or pushy. Try saying something like, "It's a cold day. Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?" That's all you have to say.

Chances are, he may not be able to join you right then and there. But be ready for what he might say.

If he says he's married or in a relationship, don't be embarrassed. Just smile and say, "Well, she's a lucky woman."

If he says, "I can't now, but maybe later," you need to be prepared. (When you ask a man out for coffee, by the way, the treat is on you.)

A single woman should carry a name card that she can hand to a man so that he has a way of contacting her. These cards are like business cards, but should limit personal information on the card so that a stranger can't trace where you live or work. Just list a first name and the telephone number of an answering service that screens calls for you.

Keep in mind the four "A" words: attitude, availability, approachability and assertiveness. Implement them and watch your circle of male friends grow.

Tom Blake is a syndicated columnist in Southern California.