Midlife Dating Dangers: Four Things to Protect

It's been years and years since you've had a date with anybody other than your former spouse. And, while you used to trust everybody and anybody, times have changed. You realize that you're now a bit naive and gullible. So, as you re-enter the dating world and begin socializing with strangers, take care to fiercely protect these four things.

1. Protect Your Heart
You're lonely and would like a mate. You miss sharing and you feel empty. You're vulnerable and you let your guard down. Yes, at this time of your life, your heart seems to have a mind of its own.

But beware: One widow became involved with "a gentleman" who was a con artist, "a pathological liar," she says. She considers herself to be intelligent, street-smart, well-educated, and grounded. A telephone call from the man's sister revealed his darker side. The widow found out before major damage was done, but her heart was bruised.

While loneliness is difficult, having one's heart broken at our age is worse. Be careful where you allow your heart to lead you. Don't forget to listen to your brain, gut, and instincts.

2. Protect Your Health
With the proliferation of male enhancement drugs like Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis, some older men think they're King Kong and treat sex like a bag of popcorn. Judy Fink, of the AARP, says reckless sex can be dangerous: "Remind people about serious health risks from unprotected sex. HIV and AIDS are increasing in people over 50 -- heterosexual folks -- deciding to become sexually active without testing themselves and their potential partners."

Walk away from sex if you're being rushed. Percentage-wise, the fastest-growing age group to contact HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases is age 50-plus. Don't become one of those stats.

3. Protect Your Drink Glass
"Is Tom joking?" you ask.

One 50-year-old woman was invited to a man's house for dinner. After dining and nice conversation, she woke up at 3 a.m. in his bed. He had placed a date-rape drug in her wine glass. Not in a bar, not by stranger, but by a man she'd previously dated.

When you're among strangers having a drink -- wine, soda, coffee, fruit juice -- don't let your glass or cup out of your sight from the moment the bartender pours it.

4. Protect Your Assets
On May 18, 2004, the Orange County Register ran an article about a Washington State man who scammed seniors out of 5 million dollars. Investors were promised high rates of return that never happened.

On May 24, the same newspaper featured a front-page story written by Andrew Galvin entitled, "Senior investors fear savings were stolen." Galvin reported that an investment firm had taken in $144.8 million mainly from senior investors. Most of it is missing. Bill Miller, an 84-year old widower, invested $300,000. He's certain it's gone. Even married couples got bilked.

In 1999, a 61-year-old man was sent to prison for the third time for financially defrauding women. He'd been married 11 times and masqueraded as a fireman, race car driver, contractor, and pilot. He'll be released soon and may be sent to another state, where he'll undoubtedly try again.

Widows are particularly vulnerable. Often, their husbands made the financial decisions. If Mr. Right comes along and offers to help with your finances, have him checked out by a private investigator.

Keep assets in your name; women need to be in control of their money. One woman co-mingled her funds with her new husband "to prove her love for him." He kept his assets separate. In the divorce, he got half of hers and kept his. She's devastated and her life is now much more difficult.

Tom Blake is a syndicated columnist in Southern California and the author of Finding Love After 50: How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do (Tooter's, 2003).