Most singles desperately want to know how to attract true love. Below are nine tips that will help you attract the kind of long-term, healthy relationship you've always wanted.
1. Believe it's possible for you to have a long-term, loving relationship. Many singles hope for a wonderful relationship, but few believe such a relationship will actually happen. However, believing is half the battle. This is no different from believing you can get a job or pass a test.
2. Figure out what kind of person is right for you. The best way to do this is to look at your best friends and identify in them the qualities you most appreciate. Your future partner must have the very same qualities you find most appealing in your friends.
Don't just read this and pass it off as a good idea. If you value good communication, a desire for growth, compassion, playfulness, spirituality or a sense of humor in your friends, make sure your partner has these qualities, too. If you have trouble believing such a man or woman exists, go back to the step above.
3. Learn to identify people who are not right for you. This one should be pretty easy. Anyone who does not exhibit the qualities you value most is not right for you as a relationship partner. Also, anyone who exhibits only toward you the qualities you value, but who doesn't exhibit them toward anyone else, is not right for you. Eventually, he or she will cease to display these valued traits even toward you.
Also be wary of people who try to rush a relationship. They usually cause heartbreak.
4. Stop settling for people who are not right for you. If you enter a relationship with a person who does not embody the qualities most important to you, you are asking for heartache. At about three months or sooner into the relationship, you will start to try to change your partner into a person with the qualities you originally wanted. He or she will naturally resist being changed, and you will take this resistance personally. You will take his or her inability to communicate or listen to you or meet your needs as a sign that he or she does not love you. In truth, you simply picked a person who is not a good fit.
5. Put yourself in places where you will meet the type of person who is right for you. Where would you find the type of person who has the qualities that appeal to you? In what kind of activities would this type of person participate? Would he or she be adventurous and perhaps rock climb? Would he or she be focused on personal growth and participate in seminars and workshops? Inevitably, the places to find a person you would love to be with are also places that will nourish you. Build your community in such places.
6. Overcome your fear of being hurt or left. All relationships end at some point. There are no guarantees in life and there are none in love. Amazingly, we still yearn to love, even though every time we love we take a chance of being hurt or left. I believe this is because we inherently know that there is no greater joy than being in love.
Remember all of the times you have already gotten hurt in love. You are still intact, all parts attached, functioning. You survived. If you fall in love, you will probably have to survive a loss of some sort again. But isn't it worth it?
7. Ensure that, if possible, your relationship will last a lifetime. There are two ways to do this. First, choose a partner who has qualities you value most in your friends. Second, acquire relationship skills. Setting boundaries, speaking the truth, acknowledging, appreciating, apologizing, asking for what you want, etc. There are many great skills to learn.
8. Be unattached. Be about your life and only slightly about attracting a relationship. Those singles who focus all of their attention and energy on attracting a mate put off potential partners. And singles who get despondent over not having a relationship waste their time longing instead of creating a wonderful life.
If you do everything else on this list, you do not have to think about being in a relationship. It will take care of itself and come to you.
9. Risk your heart, but be smart. Go out there, meet new people and date. Give people a chance if they have the qualities that matter to you. But do not take a chance on someone who clearly does not embody what you need.