If you're single, you're probably pretty relieved right now that you made it through Valentine's Day. All those sappy greeting cards and heart-shaped chocolate boxes can be a little rough when you're single. If the prospect of another Valentine's Day alone next year makes you cringe, maybe it's time to give online dating a try.
There are a number of dating websites, some free and some that charge. We talked to a few online dating veterans for advice on how to get the most out of your online search for love.
'Be Patient With It'
Back in 2004, Todd Desmarais was tired of being teased about still being single at 34. But the avid outdoorsman didn't want to give up any hunting and fishing trips to spend more time trying to meet women. So he invited a good female friend over to help him write a profile on Match.com, a popular online dating site.
He signed up for a six-month subscription and began to peruse profiles and make a few contacts. He went on a handful of dates but didn't meet anyone he really clicked with.
But, as with fishing, he knew he had to keep casting.
"I was throwing lures out there to see who would come back," he said.
When his subscription was about to run out, he made contact with 29-year-old Kerry Ashe. The two used an instant message service to chat a few times, then traded phone numbers.
They met in person just after Christmas 2004, and "it was immediate," Kerry said last month. By the end of their first weekend together, Todd told Kerry -- now Kerry Desmarais -- that he knew he was going to marry her. He proposed the following September, and they were married in July 2006. The couple, who relocated from Portland to Prineville shortly after their wedding, welcomed their son, Jurdgen, in October 2007.
Kerry had tried online dating off and on for a number of years before meeting Todd. She said she had been on a lot of first dates, but very few second dates.
"I could go on one date and know, 'OK. No, I don't want to see you again,'" she said.
"You really have to be patient with it. Take your time talking to people," she said. "Don't just go out with whoever."
A Growing Trend The audience-tracking firm Nielsen counted 27.5 million unique visitors to online dating sites in June 2009, as reported by Forbes.com last year. EHarmony.com was the most trafficked site, with 4.25 million visitors. The site, which costs around $60 a month for both men and women, uses a personality profile to screen users and narrow results. EHarmony.com has a reputation for attracting users looking for serious, long-term relationships, according to Forbes. Yahoo Personals was the No. 2 site, and Match.com came in third. Yahoo Personals charges between $16 to $30 per month for both men and women, and Match.com charges between $16 and $35, depending on the length of your subscription. A look at Yahoo Personals in Central Oregon indicated that some people using the site are seeking serious relationships, but many were also advertising, as one user put it, casual "adult fun." Use of free dating Web sites are growing. Forbes reported that Plentyoffish.com, a free dating site, placed No. 6 among all dating sites in June 2009, with 2.2 million viewers, nearly double the previous year. Other free dating sites include OkCupid.com, BookofMatches.com, and the quick-click site DoULike.com. On DoULike.com, users upload photos of themselves, click through other user photos and answer the question "Do you like me?" Users who click "yes" on each others' photos are labeled "mutual sympathies," and can make contact from there. Craigslist also has free personals, though a number of high-profile violent crimes perpetrated through Craigslist contacts have heightened awareness of safety concerns.
Tips for Users Kerry and Todd Desmarais said they weren't aware of many other dating sites when they were in the market back in 2004. "I tried eHarmony, but I got bored" filling out the extensive questionnaire, Todd said. The couple said a number of their other friends, at least three other couples, have also met online using Match.com. Kerry said in her view, people who are willing to pay for a dating service are more likely to be serious than people on free sites. Shelley Marie, a 59-year-old divorced mother of two who lives in Crooked River Ranch, Ore. said she's been trying online dating off and on since the late '90s. Marie grew up in a ranching family. Over the years, she's often raised and bred horses. She prefers sites that cater to a country lifestyle, like CountrySingles.com and FarmersOnly.com, both of which tend to meet her needs better than sites like Match.com. She also uses Craigslist, posting a personal ad as recently as last month. She made it clear in the ad that she's looking for a long-term relationship. "My headline was, 'I want to marry my best friend,'" Marie said. She received about 30 responses, and of those, replied to a handful. She ended up meeting only two people face-to-face, and she's not sure if she'll see either again. "The problem with online dating is it provides so much anonymity. People don't have to be accountable for what they do," she said. "If you're serious about finding people ... ask for a phone call right away. It will define who's real." Marie said it's common for men to come on strong in e-mails, then disappear when she tries to get them on the phone. She thinks it's a sign they're not available.
