Question: It's hard to meet other singles, so I'm tempted to try online personals. At 48, however, I'm a bit old-fashioned. Are they an OK way to meet a guy? I keep thinking that going online will make me seem a little desperate. Will I just meet freaks? Will someone I know catch me online?
Steve answers: It's a brave new world, virtually speaking, so get with the program without fear of feeling freakish. Why not try it? You've got nothing to lose except perhaps some old, anxiety-driven beliefs.
I've had several ThirdAge clients try online personals with reasonable to good success; so far, I haven't heard any horror stories. One led to marriage, while the others netted ongoing dating partners. Of the latter, the relationships didn't produce Mr. or Ms. Right, but they did provide satisfying companionship for several months to a year.
But let's take a look at what's stopping you because you do raise some common concerns. Regarding your anxiety that they're not OK based on your old-fashioned conditioning: Well, if it's totally immobilizing, perhaps it's not for you. But anxiety can be a bully, and as you learned in grade school, the best way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them. So take the plunge, but begin conservatively, with baby steps. You don't have to reveal much, and you don't even have to answer any responses if you don't want to.
I'll let Cathy speak to your other anxieties. But from my point of view, online personals are an asset. You've little to lose, and a potential relationship to gain. Go for it, girl!Cathy says: Iagree! You seem to believe that only desperate, freaky people tryonline personals and that it will be embarrassing to be found out. Butconsider that the only ones who'll find out are those doing the samething! Our generation might have avoided it, but onlinepersonals are often a great way to explore a new relationship beforeputting yourself physically on the line, so to speak.Unlike areal date, you have more control with an online personal. You cane-mail back and forth for weeks before ever meeting. You can also askfor a picture. In short, you get a chance to know the person beforecommitting yourself to a date.Although I didn't meet Stevethis way, one of the things I love about him is what he "says" to mewhen he writes me a birthday, anniversary, or Valentine's card. Writingis a romantic window into the soul.Finally, if you're stillnervous, have a girlfriend review potential dates with you. That'llgive you an additional security check and increase your confidence.Besides, it can be a lot of fun reviewing would-be suitors together! The Bottom Line From Cathy and Steve:1. Online personals are a relatively safe and useful way to meet potential partners.2. Don't be bullied by your anxiety about trying something new. Fight back by taking a risk, but do so conservatively.3. You will not appear "freaky" or "desperate" to those who are alsorisking an online personal, and those are the only folks who have toknow.
Source: Relationships & Love
