Should You Live Together Before Getting Married?

Even couples in the healthiest of relationships get a little nervous about the concept of living together. Making the decision to merge lives -- and residences -- into one is a significant change.

Here are some common questions about shacking up tips to help you make decisions:

1. Should We Wait Until After Marriage?
It seems there's an endless stream of studies, expert opinions and moral beliefs about living together. Too often, couples make decisions based on what they think they ought to be doing in the context of social norms. Instead, they should take the time to create a lifestyle that meets their individual needs and allows them to function as a healthy, balanced couple.

When broaching the subject of cohabitation, you and your partner should have honest and open communication about the reasons for that choice, your mutual expectations and reservations, and your plans for how your living situation will transition into other partnership changes (marriage, children) down the road.

You should look at the societal norms and opinions about living together and think of them simply as options in a catalog. Then combine these suggestions with your own views and opinions to determine what makes sense for your partnership.

2. How Do I Know If We're Ready to Live Together?
If you're approaching a wedding, hopefully you're confident that the time is right. But many couples today are moving in together before engagement or marriage.

You should always evaluate your motives for moving in together and ask yourself if you're doing it because you are truly ready to merge your lives and because you've had experiences together that urge you to take that next step? Or is it a matter of convenience, economy, or what you feel is expected of you?

If it's any of the latter, you should proceed carefully. Cohabiting should only happen when both parties are confident and comfortable that they are ready to commit to a long-term partnership, when they know each other's lifestyles well enough to assume they're compatible, and when they can make the transition without significant reservations or a feeling of being compromised.

3. Where Should We Move?
Obviously, there are economic factors that can help dictate what your options are for a joint residence. However, there are pros and cons to moving into a space that one partner has previously occupied. It may be easier, more convenient, and require less work. Then again, it may make the partner who is moving in feel less like a partner in the household and more like an extended guest. Here are some points to ponder:

4. How Can We Make the Transition Easier?
Cohabiting is a transition and can present challenges regardless of the circumstances of your relationship. Whether you've been dating for one year or 10, it's a major shift to go from separate residencies to living under one roof.

The key is not to "play it by ear" and assume your love and friendship will smooth the transition. Instead, take time to communicate and plan together. Before the rush of moving actually starts, plan a weekend day or an evening together to think about these key questions that deal with both emotional and logical issues:

As with any relationship transition, it's imperative that you communicate openly about your wants, needs, and concerns. Then, work together as a team to build the lifestyle and partnership that meets both your needs.