The 12 No-Nos of Dating Again


Dating again. Most men and women re-entering the social scene are rusty, at best. Here are 12 of the most common mistakes newly re-released singles should keep in mind in their new dating adventures to ensure success:

1. Being late. Everybody's time is valuable and a late arrival makes a bad first impression. Not only does it start the date off on the wrong foot, it shows you as unorganized and selfish.

2. Being too serious. People forget to relax, laugh, smile, and enjoy themselves and come off as too rigid.

3. Talking too much. New daters lack confidence, so, as a solution, they talk, talk, talk to cover up awkward silences. An extra-sore spot? Talking too much about former spouses and lovers.

4. Not listening. One person is talking. But their date is in La-La Land. Then the speaker says, "What do you think about that?" How embarrassing. Pay attention and be an active listener. Even if you're not that interested.

5. Blaming others. People blame their bosses for getting fired; their ex-spouses for failed marriages; their parents for not bringing them up right. Soon, however, they may be blaming their date -- for not going out with them again!

6. Putting on false airs. Be yourself. Some folks put on a persona and talk a good game, but later, they can't deliver who they said they were.

7. Being negative. You don't have enough money. You don't feel well. You're unlucky. Stay positive! No one wants to hang around someone that's always down or complaining. It's just not fun.8. Gender-bashing. Women say, "Men only want younger women." Men say, "Women only want money." Soon, a gender basher will be complaining about the empty seat across the table where his or her date had been sitting.9. Asking leading questions about a person's assets. "What kind of a car do you drive?" Do you own your own home?" "Is that a real diamond?" "Do you live on Rodeo Drive?" These are all red-flag questions. Be interested, but getting too personal sends the wrong signal.10. Sounding desperate. Statements like, "This is my first date in 35 years" or "No one ever asks me out" might be a turnoff to someone who was otherwise interested in you.11. Being dishonest. It's a short-sighted strategy. Sooner or later, the truth will catch up. Besides, it's easier to be honest than to try to remember what fib you told a week ago.12. Being argumentative. Discussing politics or religion is risky. If you pick a fight on the first date, you'll be shadow boxing on the second. Most people don't like confrontation.Remember to be yourself. Relax, have a good time. If you make a mistake, it's OK; you're human. Apologize, make a small joke like, "Wow, I'm a bit rusty," and don't worry about it. By being aware of the mistakes that might turn off a date, you'll make the outing more pleasant for both of you.Tom Blake is the author of Middle Aged and Dating Again (Tooter's, 1997).
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Source: Relationships & Love

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