Whether you’re romantic and a devout believer in true love, or are just looking for a fling or a hookup, there are some types of men you shouldn’t get involved with—even from the distance of a worshipful crush. Feelings and emotions often progress to physical involvement. That might sound sexy, but some relationships are just never meant to be and should never happen, no matter how appealing they might seem at first blush. In fact, they shouldn't even be crushes, let alone relationships.
Who are we talking about? First, the men who definitely are going to hurt you: that would be cads, married men, drunks and gamblers. Oftentimes these guys are both witty and charming, or they’re sexy, broody princes of darkness. From the start, they’re charismatic and seductive, and that’s when you have to remind yourself of some basic truths about these guys: You will not change them. They won’t stop drinking. They won’t stop gambling. They’ll always treat you badly. And they will never leave their wife. Millions of women have found this out the hard way.
Here are some others: Guys who are inappropriately young. Your son’s friends, for instance. Or your daughter’s boyfriend. Don’t even let yourself think about it. Going down that road can end up wrecking your marriage, alienating your children and making a public fool of yourself once everyone finds out. And they will.
Men you work with. Yes, there have been some office affairs that have ended in happy marriages or dignified breakups, but they’re in the minority. Even same-level co-workers who once had a hot thing going but now despise each other may very well start to infect the office with their bad vibes. And do we have to say what happens if you start crushing on your boss?
Men you’re professionally associated with. Your minister, your doctor, your therapist, your AA sponsor, people working with your kids (like a baseball coach, fox eample). If you start obsessing about these guys and eventually get into a relationship with them, you’re essentially helping them violate their professional and ethical obligations.
Men associated with someone you love. Your brother-in-law, your best friend’s husband or new boyfriend. Chances are he will leave you, and you’ll be faced with an invaluable relationship that’s been destroyed or gone sour.
How can you wean yourself off an inappropriate crush or relationship? The first step is to stop communicating. That means no texting. No talking on the phone. No flirtatious banter. If necessary, give yourself (and him) a stern talking to about why the crush is inappropriate. Avoid all physical contact, including touching hands. Don’t stalk him on dating sites or Facebook. Seek professional therapeutic treatment if you can’t bring yourself to break it off or stop obsessing about him. Being in love or even having a crush on the wrong man isn't just a bad idea; it really can lead to serious consequences.
Eve Marx is the author of eight sex books. Her titles include "Whats Your Sexual IQ?," "Flirtspeak: The Sexy Language of Flirtation," "The Goddess Orgasm," and "101 Things You Didnt Know About Sex."
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