The Men Who Disappear

Shirley, who calls herself "the wise bird from Manhattan," said she was in touch with an upstate New York man for two months via the Internet. "I suspected this might develop into a full-blown romance. His intelligence and attractiveness interested me, but he never disclosed his full name (red flag). He referred to himself as 'your friend.' I sent a recently taken photo to which he responded positively, however, I sensed a withdrawal."Shirley said the e-mailing stopped. Two weeks ago, she was on the same Internet site where they'd met and there he was lurking around.Kim, 56, said she met a 65-year-old man online in September. "We dated a few times, he was always romantic, caring and introduced me to his family. We were together almost every weekend. We made each other happy. He told me he was tired of dating different women and wanted one good relationship." Kim said they were compatible in all aspects of their relationship.Kim stayed at his house Thanksgiving night. "Early the next morning, he woke up and beat around the bush, saying we were going too fast and were too close. He wanted me to leave ASAP. I was in shock."From the man's perspective, what's the answer? William Mosconi, of Anaheim, Calif., says, "Older singles need to keep one foot on the ground while floating on cloud nine."That's good advice. Plus, women need to listen to their instincts. A man must earn a woman's trust. Women need to ask men early on, "What are you looking for in a relationship?" and then listen closely to the reply. They should proceed only if what they hear is sincere and fits into their goals. If a guy starts fumbling around with answers, he's likely not relationship material.Tom Blake is a syndicated columnist in Southern California.