Sometimes when you finally meet someone on a first date, the level of anticipation can be so overwhelming that you trip yourself up. It’s easy to see how this can happen, because first dates – at any age – are traumatic. You’re spending hours with a person you either don’t know very well, know at all, have known forever but not romantically, even someone you never laid eyes on except in a photograph until this very moment. And then there’s you to consider. What should you wear? How’s your hair? And is he going to be boring?
The biggest mistake most women make about a first date is to assume that it’s going to “turn into anything.” Unfortunately it takes so much out of us to even consider going on a date, most of us can’t be bothered unless we anticipate the relationship has the potential to “go somewhere.” Where exactly this going somewhere might be varies from woman to woman. Some women won’t even go on a date unless they believe it’s going to lead to marriage. You laugh, but I hear this all the time, especially from attractive, intelligent, divorced, 50-something women. What I’m suggesting is to consider that a first date is just that: a first date. A chance to talk to this person, size them up, decide if you want to go on another date with them. Or not. You don’t have to make it complicated unless you love complications, drama queen.
The second biggest mistake is to natter on about things the man has no interest in, like her ex. Actually, if the guy sitting across from is very curious about any dirt and details you care to throw out about your ex, you should be wondering why he’s dating you. Does he consider you a source? Generally speaking, a better use of your conversational time is to sneakily and gently interrogate him about himself. Not about what a bitch his first wife was (really, do you want to hear about that?), but to find out his likes and dislikes. You want to get a handle on his hobbies, his religion, what he’s passionate about. It’s not completely indiscreet to inquire about his lifestyle. It’s a way of finding out if he’s retired (or not) and a little about his income. Let’s face it, your mother always told you it was just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one. Most of us would prefer the rich. Even on a first date, it’s not bad to try to find out.
The last mistake most women make on a first date is when to end it. Close it down when it’s going good. Definitely leave while you’re still sober if your first date included wine or any other intoxicating beverage. Nothing is worse on a first date than tears or falling down or not being able to find one’s car keys. The end of a first date is also a time to extend a smidgen of intimacy. A handshake is kind of cold. It means you’re not planning on seeing him again. If you like enough him, you can embrace. If you really like him, it’s ok to end with a kiss. But that’s it. First dates that wind up in bed inevitably are the last date, unless the chemistry is so electric and the bonding so immediate that the first date lasts an entire weekend. That said, there are a million mistakes you can make on a first date. Don’t let giving away your dignity be one of them.
Eve Marx is the author of eight sex books. Her titles include "What’s Your Sexual IQ?," "Flirtspeak: The Sexy Language of Flirtation," "The Goddess Orgasm," and "101 Things You Didn’t Know About Sex."
