What to Do When You've Been Stood Up
You finally work up the courage to start dating again and the worst happens -- your date is a no show. Of all the things that happen to dating singles, being stood up ranks as the most dreadful event of all. It's annoying, hurtful, aggravating and humiliating. Yet, when you're out there dating, it's also something that's likely to occur.
Here are a few tips for surviving the no-show date:
Make Sure There Wasn't a Misunderstanding
Most of us lead hectic, busy, complicated lives. It's altogether possible that in those flashes of conversation, multi-tasking phone calls, and dating jitters that dates, times, and places can be miscommunicated.
Make sure to confirm the time and place of your meeting. If it's a public place, meet in a location where it's simple to find one another and where you won't get lost in the crowd. The easier it is to get together, the less likely the chance for complications.
Determine if the Excuse is Plausible
Even the best-laid plans can have hits and misses. If your date didn't show, but calls to explain, determine if the excuse is a valid one. Did he or she have to work late? Was there an emergency? Did he or she try to reach you but couldn't get through?
There may be a perfectly logical explanation for your date not being able to keep the appointment. It's up to you if you think the reason for breaking a date without prior notice is warranted. Most singles take this on a case-by-case basis, while others have a no-tolerance policy, sometimes based on experience.
"I gave this girl who stood me up a second chance," says Bob, an executive recruiter, "and it came back to bite me."
The reason your date gives for not showing up has to be suitable for you, and only you can determine if this is someone worth a second chance.
Find Out if There's a Pattern
Honoring commitments is a ready sign of someone's character. Look for signs that the person with whom you're arranging a date keeps his or her agreements. Does this person talk about "blowing off a co-worker" or dodging phone calls? Does he or she speak poorly about individuals, using that as justification for treating people badly?
Notes Dianna, a computer programmer, "I ask myself if this the first time he's done anything like this, or does he have a pattern of not showing consideration for my time, feelings, or expectations?"
Not showing up for a date can point out that your intended doesn't respect you or honor your time. If there's a pattern for this type of behavior, it could be a warning sign of things to come.
Create a Back-Up Plan
If you do get stood up, it doesn't necessarily mean that your entire night is ruined. You can always make the best of a bad situation. If you're already out, enjoy the evening by meeting new people or spending time with friends.
"My no-show date was on my 37th birthday," says Jane, a performance improvement consultant. "I had been dating this guy for at least six months and we visited back and forth. The birthday plan was for him to come to my hometown. The good news was I invited a couple to join me. When he didn't show, we had a nice dinner without him."
Call friends, explain what happened, and ask them to come out and join you. In some ways, misery truly does love company, and commiserating with others is a great way to quickly get over a bad evening.
In all cases, do what is best for you. If you get stood up, don't beat yourself up thinking that you did someone wrong. The event may affect you, but it's not necessarily about you. If you have the opportunity, tell your date how you feel. Discuss the event and the behavior rather than the person. And be good to yourself. Treat yourself to a special dessert, a manicure, a new putter -- whatever may lighten your spirits.
When Jane got stood up, she says, "The next day I flew to Dallas to attend a conference and took myself to the French Room at the Adolphus Hotel, one of the best restaurants in Dallas at the time, to get over the jerk. It worked."
GinaMaria Jerome is a writer, consultant, and trainer. Her book is The Portable Pocket People Meeter: 50 Ways to Meet, Greet, and Communicate.