Why Attraction Isn't Enough for a Relationship

Singles tend to believe that mutual attraction is "the" way tostart a relationship. If strong mutual attraction is present,the misconception goes, then you are meant to be together andare perhaps even soul mates. And if you are indeed soul mates,then why not get started on your life together immediately? Starting your life together means spending as much time together as possible.

Seemingly this makes sense. You are attracted to each other, exited about each other, and want to integrate into your life as a couple.

But the attraction only goes so far, which is not very far at all. Attraction is a kind of glue, mostly for the bedroom part of your relationship. It does spill over to the rest of the relationship a bit; it helps you to like each other, to be a bit more tolerant of differences and find a way to accept some mildly bothersome behaviors in each other.

Attraction, however, does not help with life compatibility at all. Mutual attraction says nothing about your individual financial goals, status or compatibility. It says nothing about whether or not you want children or about your style of parenting. Attraction does nothing to help both people be on the same page about personal growth. Attraction does absolutely nothing in terms of helping you communicate in a similar or compatible style. Attraction does not help you have similar values or treat each other in a way that makes the other person feel loved and cherished. Attraction does nothing to help you mutually handle anger and frustration in a healthy way. Attraction does not help you handle flirtations with people outside the relationship, as you may have different ways of perceiving such situations. Attraction does not help you deal with lifestyle issues such as work, living situations, chores and responsibilities.