Why He's Not That Into You
Posted April 14, 2009 8:12 AM
Getting a Second Date
These five, of course, aren't the only culprits in crimes of the heart. There's also: The Debbie Downer, whose contagious negativity makes men sick; the The Ex-Factor, who can't stop herself from talking about the past; and The Psycho-Babbler, who may have benefitted from years in therapy, but lays on the self-help talk so thick that the average guy gets shrinkage.
"Guys are really looking for one thing to start," Greenwald says. "You'd probably never guess what it is, because it sounds kind of boring. When I ask the guys what did make them call a girl, the No. 1 thing they say is, 'She was kind.'"
Greenwald's theory is "basically like attracts like. The guy looking for a kind woman understands the importance of kindness and is likely a kind person himself."
Men also admit that they like being taken by surprise. "The coolest girl I ever went out with suggested watching 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' on Valentine's Day -- very unique. It really surprised me," says one subject.
The book includes a few pages of reasons guys did end up calling a girl after a first date. There's a guy who thought it was sweet that the woman he was with wiped up spilled sugar on a Starbucks counter so the person after wouldn't have to, and Greenwald's own husband who says, "She had me at her sixth Diet Dr. Pepper" -- there are firsthand examples for women to strive after. "Men want kindness, not someone with a prickly attitude," she says. "Who wants to try and hug a porcupine?"
Source: YellowBrix, The New York Post
Comments (8)
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Posted October 8, 2009 3:00 AM
i am impressed by all the dating articles in this website.they are excellent.
Posted April 22, 2009 1:03 AM
Good grief, people - it's simple enough to start out with basic common sense - It's called the golden rule - treat others the way you would like to be treated!!! Be kind is soooo right. You don't have to dumb down to prevent being arrogant, on any date there are at least 2 people, and you should show the respect and courtesy you wish to recieve. Strong, happy, and confident does not have to equal bitch. Sounds like some of you really have issues you should be working on if you want a partner. Men have feelings too? If you're truly interested in someone during 1st date, simply pay attention and express appreciation for his efforts.
As a 50 year old woman who was married 26 years, divorced 2+ now, I can tell you for certain that there are men out there worth minding your manners for, at least long enough to give things a chance to develop. Smart blonde is not an oxymoron - I'm smart enough to know that its much easier just to be nice than it is to expend all the effort involved in developing an arrogant, bossy, rude demeanor and then trying to pretend to be something you're not - nice, that is. Tis so much wiser just to be kind from the start! Just started online dating 4 months ago, and am dating several great men, all of whom continue to be interested, but no,..... it's not about sex. To be interesting to others, you have to be interested in them!!!
Posted April 18, 2009 12:05 AM
Seriously, are we still trying to let men get away with making us pretend to be someone we're not just to get them to call us? What about demanding that they be someone WE would call. I AM a person WITH my own personality, I am kind but am not taken advantage of, I AM a human being, NOT an object to be judged worthy of attention or not by an unevolved ego. I'm sorry but men need to realize that women are not just here for their comfort and joy. We are the same species, have our own minds, are capable and worthy, and deserve to be treated as such.
Posted April 17, 2009 11:30 AM
great article...so much to think about. and if you are a woman who is more interested in being the best woman you can be, you won't be defensive, but will look for ways that you can soften your edge. We can be strong, happy, confident leaders...but can still be kind and compassionate.
Posted April 17, 2009 10:15 AM
ok.i like to know where that perfect women is??
mostly
manwant so much and never give the same
Posted April 17, 2009 9:13 AM
I wonder what type of men turn most women off. I can't stand a stingy, slob or controlling man.
Posted April 17, 2009 12:15 AM
WOW.. things to think about. I try to not be these types of woman, but what about being yourself. I am educated, I am funny, I have a strong personality. Surely there are men out there who look past looks, but seems that all of the men I go out with end up with women who are high maintenance, heels, hair, nails, and disrespect them on some level. What about equality?
Posted April 16, 2009 7:24 PM
She is just not that into you, therefore; she doesnt care what you think of her.
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