You're dating a nice man, and the two of you have fun together. You like him, he seems to like you. One night, over a glass of wine, you casually mention a future together. He drops a bomb by telling you he doesn't want a committed relationship. What's going on?
Here are seven possible reasons why middle-age men won't commit. One or two of them may apply to your guy.
1. They haven't healed from losing a former love. In his book Mars and Venus Starting Over, John Gray describes the four critical phases of healing. Gray warns that if people don't heal properly, they won't have the capacity to commit to a new person. Your friend may need more time.
2. They're afraid. Some men avoid commitment because they don't want to go through another breakup or divorce. They're leery because of what happened before. Perhaps they got hurt or jobbed in their divorce settlement, perhaps their spouse cheated, or perhaps they were verbally abused. Whatever happened, they don't want to risk going through it again.
3. They simply don't want to. They're happy with their life the way it is. They feel by committing, they would be tied down and unhappy. They refuse to give up their comfortable ways of living.
4. They feel they aren't with the right woman (ouch!). This could be for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they see something about a person they don't like, or they may just feel they aren't compatible. Maybe they're too set in their single ways, or maybe they just don't love the woman enough (ouch again!).
5. They prefer the hunt. Once they've made the conquest, they go looking for other game to chase. They'll never be happy with just one person.6. They feel too rushed or pressured. Some men feel a year is too soon for a commitment, others feel an even longer period of time is rushing it, and still others will feel pressured regardless of the time frame. They feel smothered and are tempted to wiggle their way out.7. They want the benefits of a relationship, but not the responsibilities that go along with a commitment. This is sort of the "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" way of thinking. They could be wary of the responsibilities that come with living together, owning and maintaining a home together, helping raise a partner's children, or assisting in sending kids to college.How Should Women Deal With Men Who Won't Commit? The first order of business is to communicate. Get to the core of the issue. Find out what he's thinking and why he's reluctant to commit. Once you know, you can make the decision as to whether or not you think he'll change.If you feel he just needs time, give him lots of freedom and air to breath, and treat him well. Don't rush or push him. Let him decide when he's ready, and in the meantime, appreciate and enjoy your own freedom.
If he keeps backing off and won't commit, you'll need to make a decision. Pick a date, could be at the three- or four-month mark, when you'll leave if he hasn't committed. Let him know your intentions. When the date comes, leave. Don't waiver. After all, why be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you? The longer you allow the situation to drag on, the harder terminating the relationship will ultimately be. And, you're losing opportunity time to meet someone else.While there's a chance he may realize that life with you is more important than whatever it was that kept him from committing, don't count on it. Once you've said goodbye, understand that he'll likely be gone forever.
Source: Relationships & Love