Why People Run From Relationships

There is an endless list of reasons why people run from relationships, either permanently or temporarily. While it's impossible to describe them all, here I will address the eight most common.

1. It's Not the Right Relationship
Often people run because they simply got into the wrong relationship and can't get out gracefully. Their lack of communication is usually about not wanting to hurt the other person's feelings. Ironically, running away hurts far worse than saying goodbye.

2. Too Much Intimacy
When we are loved and our heart is open, joy is not always the only reaction. Intimacy is like a salve; it pulls out all of the yucky, painful stuff from within. The slightest hurt from our beloved can bring on strong feelings or memories. We may once again experience the pain, hurt, anger, or disappointment from past relationships.

While no one wants to experience these feelings again, we should recognize that part of the gift of being in a good relationship is healing the past. If you're unaware of this process, you will think the relationship itself is causing the strong negative feelings, and you'll want to run.

3. A Fall From Grace
When we enter a new relationship, we tend to idealize our new partner to a certain extent. Unless you are in a new relationship devoid of passion and excitement, you can't help but think you are dating a wonderful person with no faults.

About three to six months into the relationship, however, reality sinks in and each partner inevitably falls from grace in the other's eyes. Whether it is personality traits, habits, lifestyle choices, or circumstances, there is always something -- or many things -- we grow to dislike about our partner.Some people do not deal well with this fall from grace. They fully expect their partners to be those ideal people they originally thought they were dating. How fast and how far they run will reveal their level of disappointment.4. Too Many Resentments, Too Much Hurt The ways in which we deal with negative feelings vary -- we might choose to express and deal with them, to suppress them and carry them around, or to run. Over time, if the negative feelings are not expressed, they become so overwhelming that running becomes the only option.Alternatively, when one partner expresses negative feelings and yet nothing changes in the relationship to make things better, the partner may get so fed up with being unhappy that he or she will run.5. Fear Sometimes people run because they are afraid. This can be a fear of any number of things: a fear of getting closer and revealing one's true self; a fear of getting hurt; a fear of failing and being ashamed; a fear of getting trapped; a fear of being controlled; a fear of becoming dependent. This list goes on and on.
Fear is a very powerful emotion -- it triggers our fight-or-flight reflex. Often when someone becomes extremely fearful, he or she can't rationally think through these fears and will run.6. Preoccupation or Unavailability If someone is too stressed or preoccupied with survival, he or she may run in order to deal with the issues in his or her own life. While some people are social types who best deal with stress by getting support from others, others are loners when it comes to stress. When life becomes overwhelming, they withdraw from other people, and especially from their intimate relationships. They often resent any support they are offered and, if pushed, run away even further.7. Low Self-Esteem If a person does not feel good about himself or herself, the relationship can only go so far before it is stopped. Surprisingly, this happens more often than you think. Many people have low self-esteem and truly do not think they are good enough to be loved, to be known, and truly think they are not worthy. This type of person will never really incorporate a partner into his or her life and will never really allow any significant closeness.8. Falling Out of Love People fall out of love with each other for one of two main reasons: A fall from grace (No. 3 above) Too many resentments or too much hurt (No. 4 above) Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. For more information about Coach Rinatta Paries and the myriad of services she has created for singles, visit her Web site, WhatItTakes.com.
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Source: Relationships & Love

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