Words vs. Actions: Which Matter More in a Relationship?

Have you ever gotten into a relationship with a person who told you everything you have dreamed of hearing from a partner, only to have the relationship fall apart for no reason a short time later? This happens to almost all singles at some time.

Moved by the emotions and the excitement of the situation, a person can get carried away with words, saying things to the other that later won't be backed by action. People who want a relationship with you will show you what they want by their actions, consistently, over time. Just what are these words to watch out for and what do they mean? What actions will tell you if the new person you are dating is into you? Here are two examples:

Example No. 1

• Words: A new person you're dating says he or she has never felt this way about anyone but you.

   

• Watch out: He or she feels flooded with good feelings at the moment. The good feelings are about being close to another person, not to you in particular.

   

• Instead look for: A new person you are dating regularly who wants to spend time with you, showing up and enjoying your company.

Example No. 2

• Words: A new person you're dating says he or she wants to be married to you.

   

• Watch out: He or she feels good in your company and wants to always feel this good. But even the best relationships don't feel good all of the time. When the good feelings change for a time, so may the desire to be with you.

   

• Instead look for: A new person you are dating to be with you and treat you well even when you are not at your best. You want a person who can tolerate the ups and downs of a relationship and who has the skills and maturity to be able to build a long-term relationship with you.

How to Get Beyond Words

• Listen to your new dating or relationship partner's words as an expression of current but changeable feelings.

   

• Do not make relationship decisions based on these words. Instead, watch for action.

   

• If you meet interesting people through the Internet, meet them in person as soon as possible -- in public settings, of course -- and build the relationship in person so that you can see the person's actions.

   

• If you are building a long-distance relationship, make every effort to spend as much time together as possible so that your interaction is not limited to phone calls or letters.

Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. For more information about Coach Rinatta Paries and the myriad of services she has created for singles, visit her Web site, WhatItTakes.com.