Whatever happens in your relationship, you will eventually wind up with the same person you initially got together with, minus the extra behaviors of courting.
Why? Because many people simply do not change, but remain static in their behavior for a lifetime.
While others do change, it's almost never when their partners demand it or dictate it, but rather at their own chosen time and in their own chosen way.
When you find yourself badly wanting your partner to change, and changing him or her seems plausible, you need to find another, alternative action.
Why? Because people who are made into "change projects" do not take kindly to the idea. Often much resentment arises on both sides as a result of the push for change, and the relationship simply breaks apart. If change is made, it is never freely given; a high price is often exacted for it. When you choose to be with someone, you thus must choose the whole package or none of the package.
What You Can Do
If you are single and you keep ending up in relationships that don't work out, look at whom you are choosing. Ideally you want to choose people whom you would not want to change, or people whose issues, quirks and behaviors you can accept fairly easily.
Don't just look at what you can accept in the moment -- try to project a lifetime together. What would the person'sforgetfulness, or messiness, or anger, or addiction, orflirtatiousness with others do to you if you were married orliving together? Don't fool yourself into thinking you can live with something down the road if your gut says you cannot.
If you are in a new relationship, the above is also applicable to you. Choose a partner not simply because you feel good with him or her right now. Look at the prospect of a long-term relationship, with this same person being unchanged. Can you live with the quirks, feelings, behaviors and issues you see and sense? Can you genuinely learn to accept them and not personalize them when they spring up in your relationship? If you answered "no" or "I don't know" to the above questions, don't move the relationship further until you can be sure this person is the package you want to and can be with. If you are in a long-term relationship, the issue is not whom to choose to be with, but how to be with whom you have chosen. There is no easy answer to this, as you know. Your solution will lie in a number of steps, which can happen simultaneously and in any order: Choosing your relationship/partner wholly Working on acceptance and compassion for your partner and his or her traits, qualities, feelings and experiences Knowing what absolutely must change in order for you tochoose the relationship, and getting outside professional help (a coach or a therapist) to facilitate the change If you want to live happily ever after, this issue of changing your partner cannot be avoided. At some point in yourrelationship, you are going to want your partner to changesomething about himself or herself. And at some point you will want this change badly. The only question is this: Will you take the necessary steps at the start of the relationship to make this process easier on yourself, or will you end up having to cope with your choices when the relationship matures? Ultimately, you can't change your partner, but you can certainly change yourself.Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. For more information about Coach Rinatta Paries and the myriad of services she has created for singles, visit her Web site, WhatItTakes.com.
Source: Relationships & Love
